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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be unsure where I stand on this

61 replies

two2blackcats · 20/11/2011 14:05

Sorry, I have name changed "just in case."

I am very pro breastfeeding and am currently breastfeeding my five month old DD and hope to continue for a good while yet.

I work in a primary school (although I am currently on maternity leave) and there is a parent who when she drops off/collects her elder daughter who is in year 1 breastfeeds the younger child. The younger daughter isn't a baby or even a toddler but will be attending the reception class september 2012 so must be 3 or 4 years old.

AIBU in thinking it's perhaps a little unfair on the older child? I'm willing to be told if I am ...

OP posts:

Bucharest · 20/11/2011 16:38

I don't think I believe you.

But, as far as potential bullying goes, yes, of course it's possible. From the children who have parents like you, who instil these judgy ill-founded opinions on them.

So why don't you zip it?

spartafc · 20/11/2011 16:58

part of me thinks that it isn't wrong to be doing what she is doing so why should she stop because of other people's stupid prejudices, "judgy" ill founded opinions like that? I must be reading a different thread here. I can't see anywhere where the OP judged anyone, or showed any negative feeling at all towards the actual breastfeeding. I thought she was just asking 'is it likely that the other kids will give this child a hard time'?

Original poster

two2blackcats · 20/11/2011 17:08

I am currently on maternity leave yes, I went in on Friday to say hello and to thank staff for a recent gift they made as DD was unwell and was reminded of it then.

Anyway, I think people are reading things I haven't said so I will "zip it" :)

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 20/11/2011 17:41

The child is no longer a baby and really should no longer be treated like one.

Surely once a child walks you cease breast feeding? Just curious>

iguanadonna · 20/11/2011 17:46

Well, if there actually is any teasing, it sounds like a great opportunity for the school to demonstrate what "diversity" means.

spartafc · 20/11/2011 18:01

I believe the WHO view is that there are benefits of breastfeeding up to the age of at least 2. Obviously, the whole 'if it can walk it shouldn't be breastfed' theory has been overlooked. Still, they review this stuff all the time so that might change.

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 20/11/2011 18:04

And it affects you,how precisely?
It's your business, why, precisely?

Do you start posts like this when you see far more frequently,sadly a four year old with a dummy or bottle in it's mouth?

EauRouge · 20/11/2011 18:27

BF threads in AIBU never end well...

Is your DD your first child OP? I remember seeing someone BF a toddler when my DD1 was quite young and feeling a bit weird about it. It's not a usual thing to see and our society is not supportive of BF toddlers for all kinds of reasons (read The Politics of Breastfeeding if you're interested).

I never set out to BF for this long, 6 months was my goal, yet here I am BF a 3 yo. But she didn't get that way overnight so it doesn't seem weird to me.

There's an anthropologist that has done some research on the natural weaning age of humans. You might be surprised.

spartafc · 20/11/2011 18:41

HarryHillatemygoldfish what do you mean by 'posts like this'? Posts in which the OP passes no judgement whatsoever? And merely muses as to whether it is unreasonable for her to think the sibling might given a hard time by her classmates? As you say, it is a far more frequent sight to see a four year old with a dummy or a bottle in its mouth. I think that's pretty much the point being made by the OP though. It is unusual to see four year old being breastfed. Statistically it is unusual. Whether or not that will lead to the eldest child having a hard time - well, we don't know, do we. But I can see why the OP might give this some consideration.

IneedAbetterNickname · 20/11/2011 18:49

I bf DS2 until he was 3, would never personally done it at the school gates though, had he asked at that time, I would have told him to wait until we got home, but he was only feeding at bedtime at that age!

Fabby ^The child is no longer a baby and really should no longer be treated like one.

Surely once a child walks you cease breast feeding? Just curious^

Why? Also just curious why people think this? DS2 was walking at 10 months, but was still a baby!

maybenow · 20/11/2011 18:56

i realise this probably isn't the place for this question (not interested in bunfight about playground feeding) but i'm curious...
i'm not weird about breastfeeding at all, my friend breastfeeds her 2yr5mnth old and her 5mnth old but i am interested in how it works with two children close together... will the older one ever choose to stop while the younger is still feeding? my friend's older had pretty much self-weaned when the younger came along and then he re-started... i wonder if he'll ever be happy to wean while she's still bf-ing.. so does the older always feed longer then the younger?

DuelingFanio · 20/11/2011 19:08

if I had a child who bullied a 3/4 for being breastfed I'd be wndering where I went wrong.

DuelingFanio · 20/11/2011 19:08

3/4 year old

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 20/11/2011 19:09

And where I live it's very unusual to see four year olds with dummies and bottles.

JingleAllTheSoddingWay · 20/11/2011 19:14

Fabby Breast Feeding provides a drink, food and comfort. So are you saying that when a baby starts walking they should no longer be given a drink or food or comfort? No I didn't think so because that would be just cruel, don't you think?

Op, the fact is, if a child is going to bully/get bullied then a reason will be found. It's a harsh life at school sometimes and if it wasn't a mum BF a sibling in public it will be because the child has glasses or short hair or the wrong shoes or something else.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 20/11/2011 19:18

I think it's potentially unfair on both children myself, after all, come Sept the younger one will be at school too and I'd say that teasing over this is highly likely.

ballstoit · 20/11/2011 19:21

Lucky you Harry...where I live there are several children in Reception who are handed their dummies by their parents as they walk out of the classroom door at the end of the day

I fed each of mine a little longer than the one before, DD2 was weaned at 21 months, although this wasn't though my choice. I sometimes fed her while waiting to pick DS up from school as there was a convenient bench, she often woke from her nap while we waited and it's a 20 minute walk home before there'd be another chance to feed her.

I don't think the other children noticed in all honesty, but then I often find that children don't notice differences that adults are desperately trying not to be prejudiced about (race, sexuality, disabilities etc).

runningwilde · 20/11/2011 19:22

Oh here goes fabbychic with her if ignorant bf comments
A baby/toddler who walks is still getting fantastic nutrition from breastmilk.

OP - does this woman bf at the school gates?! I still bf my two year old but now she is the age she is I don't bf her when we are out as she only has
morning and night feeds and sometimes nap feeds - if we are out I say 'later' but I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I saw someone bf-ing their 3/4 year old and I really dislike the ignorant attitudes in this country towards extended bf. I don't think you should have been attacked here for pondering on this though! I do think that in most circumstances a three year old could wait until they get home to bf!

spiderslegs · 20/11/2011 19:24

Maybenow my eldest self-weaned at 11.5 months (just before DD was born - was prepared to tandem feed but never had to), my youngest was still going at three - soo....who knows?

As to AIBU - I wouldn't imagine the older child would be bullied or disadvantaged by this - I can't imagine any year one children being that bothered ( unless their parents say something ).

So yes YABU - probably.

spartafc · 20/11/2011 19:29

Would people really not bat an eyelid if they saw someone bf'ing a 3 or 4 year old? Is it being ignorant to notice it? I just think it's so unusual that I would notice. Not in a bad way, but more in 'good for her' type way. But not bat an eyelid, seriously? I don't bf my two year old in public because I have never seen anyone else bf'ing a toddler in public. I don't know if I count as an extended bf'er, but I'm definitely not opposed to it.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 20/11/2011 19:33

ballstoit - there's a big difference between a 21 month old and a 4 year old though. A 4 year old who will be at the school come Sept. I can just hear the other kids 'You're a baby, only babies have mummy milk' - it just seems like setting them up to be teased. IMO.

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 20/11/2011 19:43

But they don't get teased when their mother stuffs a dummy in their mouth when they come out of school?

spiderslegs · 20/11/2011 19:50

Spartafc I wouldn't bat an eyelid but plently of people did bat an eyelid when I BF'd DD at three. I got much eyelid batting - ney downright eyelid-shedding horror.

& yes I was one who said 'If they're old enough to ask...' - pre-children I hasten to add.

I ate, & she drank my words.

So pah.

ballstoit · 20/11/2011 19:56

Chipping In whose eyes? Honestly I don't think children notice, unless their parents are stupid enough to comment to them about it. It's still 10 months until the child will be starting school anyway, how do we know that she'll still be being fed when she starts?

As Harry points out, I have never heard of any of the other children 'bullying' (if children can bully at 4?) the children in DD's class who come to school with a dummy in their mouths. I may at the parents behaviour, but I don't comment about it to my DC.

spartafc · 20/11/2011 19:57

So is batting of eyelids always seen as negative then? Because if I saw you bf'ing a three year old I would be lying if I said it wouldn't register with me. It would and I would definitely think something, probably along the lines of 'I hope to God DS doesn't see that child bf'ing or he's going to start shouting BOOB and I'll be for it!!'
I had no thoughts about bf'ing before I had children, none at all, except that I would want to do it if I could. But as for other people and what they do, it wouldn't have crossed my mind. It's only now I would be interested because I have noticed that I don't know anyone bf'ing a child my DS's age.

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