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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To declare war on all those who are judgy-pants-about-others-parenting-and-I-believe-I -could-do-it-better

53 replies

professorsnape · 19/11/2011 18:38

A work mate/acquaintance came to visit today and commented on the fact I gave my DD, 4, diluted blackcurrant with her dinner and not water and that I let her have 2 chocolate biscuits for dessert.
(Just for the record, DC eat lots of fruit and home cooked meals, so shoot me if I give treats too)

The other day, MIL was telling me a story on phone of how her niece "cuts up her daughter's meat at dinner for" (said daughter is 12.)

So what??!!!! Are these crimes against humanity!!!

I'll be damned if I'll be judged on my entire parenting over a few perceived weaknesses.

Everyone knows it all and is full of opinions about everyone else's parenting!!!!

Rant over Grin

OP posts:
blackoutthesun · 19/11/2011 20:47

toothbrushthief i'll think you'll find that it wasn't abuse, he enjoyed it Grin

Elfontheedge · 19/11/2011 20:51

My aunt knows someone who breastfed their dc until twelve months! Imagine! Wink

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 19/11/2011 20:53

Me and OH thought the photo of DD looking like she was snarfing a can of larger was funny. Apparently, according to MNs, photos like that are akin to child abuse.

Who knew?

blackoutthesun · 19/11/2011 20:56

i've got one of dd with a pint glass when she was 7 months Blush

did draw the line at the fags

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 19/11/2011 20:57

Ahem on a serious note if allowed....

I work with children and there is a lot of child protection stuff involved. I have also adopted a dear little chap (not so little now) who suffered early neglect and I am involved with a young lady who is living with the affects of a very difficult upbringing.

So I do get a leeeeeltle bit Hmm when 'abuse' gets flung about on MN with gay abandon.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 19/11/2011 20:58

blackout well I think think they are hilarious.

But i feel we may be in the minority...

BalloonSlayer · 19/11/2011 21:07

A relative of mine is a childminder. She minds two lovely DCs whose parents work full time. I am a SAHM. I didn't think I had ANY issues in regards to the WOHM/SAHM thing.

One day we went out for a trip: me and my DCs, my relative, her DCs and her mindees.

At one point I put the socks back on one of the mindees and noticed that her toenails were very long and overgrown. Reader forgive me but for a moment I found myself in judgypants and entertained the thought that perhaps the girl's WOHM mother had not been able to "spend the time" on her DD's personal care that she ought to.

Imagine my humility two days later when I looked at my DD's toenails and found them to be in exactly the same condition.

Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush

blackoutthesun · 19/11/2011 21:12
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 19/11/2011 21:15

Its a luverly job Smile

CP is only a small part of it but anyone who works with children will deal with it at some time. I work with particularly vulnerable kids so its something I have to be very aware of.

Most of the time I get to cuddle babies and make faces at toddlers Grin

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 19/11/2011 21:24

blackout - that's ok then Grin

MollyInTheMoon - are you seriously telling me that you never judge anyone, about anything that doesn't directly affect you? You never think 'That's too short/long/tight on her', you never think 'you could have parked straighter' or 'who eats raw egg on toast'? Never, ever make a judgement??

marriedinwhite · 19/11/2011 21:33

Mine have enjoyed:

fruit shoots
chocolate
daily sweetie ration
formula
ice creams
chicken nuggets
McDonalds
packet and jars/tins of baby food
shop bought cakes
biscuits
tiny sips of wine/champagne
a vodka shot at 15

They have also played with barbies, guns, watched tv, had videos, seen 15 movies when they were 12, stayed up late, and been allowed to skip music practice. They have had DS's, computer games, ipods and mobile phones. I have once or twice let DS bunk of school when he has got behind with his homework.

DS is 6'2", DD 5'3". Both healthy weights and healthy teenagers.

A bit of what you like in moderation is lovely for them and for us.

DH and his sisters weren't allowed sweets and chocolate. They all eat it in secret even as adults and DH is nearly 50!

akaemmafrost · 19/11/2011 21:39

Ds had pepperoni pizza for Christmas dinner last year. I asked him what he wanted and that's what he said, if he wants it this year he can have it again .

Tell me you aren't judging me just a little bit? Wink

NormanTebbit · 19/11/2011 21:41

Friday is 'sweetie Friday' in our house which means DD's get to choose a sweet. Last time DD1 (7)had popping candy, dd2 (4) chupa chups and dd3 ( aged 2) packet of jelly tots. Blush

In fact they huddled together offering little licks and tastes of each other's 'weeties' and had a lovely time.

I am a terrible mother

blackoutthesun · 19/11/2011 21:41

ooh just a little, then thinking hmm not a bad idea...

MollyintheMoon · 19/11/2011 21:42

Of course I do! Grin

It just struck me how much judgey-ness there was on this particular thread.

akaemmafrost · 19/11/2011 21:45

On the other hand he has never tasted even a drop of Ribena, so maybe that cancels out the Pepperoni Pizza For Christmas Dinner Shocker?

blackoutthesun · 19/11/2011 21:46

but what would mn be without the judgey-ness?

blackoutthesun · 19/11/2011 21:46

now your being judged for the ribena Smile

MollyintheMoon · 19/11/2011 21:48

In which case, the OP is BU. I'll be a conscientious objector and judge this war wrong!

OriginalPoster · 19/11/2011 21:50

What other people think about my parenting is none of my business...

I don't offer advice on parenting in RL unless asked directly, but on here people do ask for advice a lot, so I will give it. I do try not to be judgemental, people are usually just doing their best and struggling.

Moominsarescary · 19/11/2011 21:51

Dp took ds3 8 months to his dm's this morning, she judged him for giving ds tap water, it should be boiled you know, he will get sick if it's not boiled

MoreBoober · 19/11/2011 22:14

Well I thought I was one of those non judgey people till someone told me about a 9 week old baby being given baby rice ' because he is really hungry' I could not hide my surprise, the your kidding response just came out my mouth before I had a chance to engage my mouth restraint! Blush

WidowWadman · 19/11/2011 22:16

First daughter was lazy lead weaned, baby led weaned, second is mostly toddler led weaned, both discovered their taste for coffee at around 5 months, nicking it from my cup.

All the good karma points I got from long term breastfeeding (laziness again, not ideology) I've probably offset with outsourcing childcare full time to go to work from 9 months onwards.

And now I'm even thinking of selling my breastpump, as pumping totally negates the laziness advantages which inform my breastfeeding decisions.

I don't think I'm a better or worse mother than anyone else and judging takes up way too much energy.

(Ok, guilty of the occasional judging of helicopters, but noone is entirely without fail)

worraliberty · 19/11/2011 22:19

MoreBoober that's only 3 weeks before the old guidelines of 3 months so I can't get worked up about it.

ToothbrushThief · 19/11/2011 23:38

My HV told me to start baby rice at 10 weeks

You did in those days.....

I'm trying to stop myself from posting a wordy version of 'it never did us any harm' because it reminds me of my mother when I'd just had a new baby and was determined to follow the latest fad from the policy makers believing that I had given birth to the next Einstein if only I did not feed any honey, dairy or nuts.....having also avoided lots of nice food whilst pregnant