Do you let your children have their rooms how they like?

[MincePieFlavouredVoidka]

DH and I have been discussing DS1's (10) room. I am quite happy to let him have it neat or messy, what he wants on the walls etc. DH thinks he should be made to tidy it. I see it as 'his' space. As long as he follows the three rules we have in place (which he does) I dont mind.

I have to say that I think my feeling on this come from my own Mum who was the total opposite of me. When we were children she would quite often go off in massive violent rages if our bedrooms were not tidied to her satisfaction. Throwing things away and shouting and screaming. I suppose this has made me more laid back.

I'm with you but my DS had to be part of the tidying up process before (very occasional) cleaning of the room.

Well, he's only 2.5 so has no opinion yet, but when he's old enough, yes, he can have his room how he likes, so long as he has clean uniforms and nothing to create invasions of bugs or other creatures! I assume those last two things are part of your 3 rules?

think I'd be inclined to agree with you - having had simlar experience to u growing up...

I'm your Mum

If I didn't nag DD (12) to tidy her room she'd quite happily wallow in her own filth until she got lost in there.

Depends what your 3 rules are though. If they're along the lines of putting dirty laundry in the wash bin, crockery to be removed every day, no food etc then I guess leeway can be afforded. DD will leave piles of dirty clothes on the floor or shoved down the back of her bed and will have a bedside unit full of water/juice/cocoa cups.

And we were quite tough about how he looked after valuable stuff. So, the time I found his DS under a pile of clothes/comics/general detritus (having nearly trodden on it) he had to have a tidy room for a week.

It's about a happy medium. Expecting a room to be kept clean and tidy is reasonable, going off in violent rages about it isn't.

The three rules are 1)No dirty washing, 2)No dirty plates/cups or food rubbish in the room and 3) Clean clothes to be put away nicely.

My mum was the same made my childhood awful it consisted of having a bottle of cream cleaner and polish in mybedroom from 10ish yrs old , for the skirting/window had to be cleaned weekly to polishing dailiy who had bottles of jiff/ciff in their bedroom for crying out loud , anyhoo as a result Im not a bit of a slob not to the extent i live in my own filth but im easy going and i dont enter my girls bedroom at all now , as long as no mould is growing in glasses and their dirty clothes are in the wash im not fussed , although their gran would have heart failure if she saw it

My mum had pretty much the same 3 rules as the OP and at times as a teenager my room was the pits BUT she also stuck to her guns so if I didn't put my dirty washing in the basket I had no clean clothes.

My mum also made us all do certain things for ourselves particularly when we went to secondary school such as making our own packed lunches and ironing our school uniform. The real difference I notice now is my brother is brilliant around the house he shares with his GF and easily does his 50% of the housework whereas my husband whose parents are extremely clean & tidy but did everything for him has taken some considerable training to realise that the housework is not my job when we both work full- time.

With my mum, Sunday was always "cleaning day" where I'd make sure every single inch of my bedroom is absolutely spotless. If I passed her inspection then it meant I could have a treat later on in the week, of my own choosing, that she would give me money for (provided I didn't take the piss!).

So mostly I'd go to the cinema or bowling with my friends on the Sunday afternoon!

It was brilliant, in a way, because I'd keep it pretty damned neat all through the week, and then when it came to the Sunday all I'd have to do is run a hoover round the floor and waggle a duster about the place!

GisreableMitt, We appear to share a daughter.

OP, I'm with you. Some basic rules, but it's their own space.

We insist that they keep them reasonably clean and tidy but in terms of posters etc, they can do what they want. Dp doesn't like the fact that dd2's tiny room is covered to just about every inch with posters / her art work / silly phrases cut from magazines etc - but I think it's important that she be allowed to express herself as she wants in her own space.

I like it tidy. When they are young I do it with their help. When they get older I explain that I want to respect their privacy but that means they need to do the cleaning.
I grew up with no privacy and my mum would come in my room and go through my stuff, chuck things out and rearrange the furniture.

My DS1's room got really, really bad. It was utterly disgusting and made the whole house smell.

If a room is too untidy things get lost and broken.

I do feel strongly that children should have their own place but they have to have responsiblities too.

3 good rules are:

Clothes in laundry basket

Dirty cups and plates brought down to kitchen sink

Bin emptied weekly.

They also have to accept that I will go in and open windows occasionally.

But I always knock (and wait) before I go in, if they are 'in residence'.

I'm not surprised you're like you are with a mum like yours. Sounds grim.

As long as I didn't leave dirty cups and clothes about my mum would close the door on the mess. It was my room. I never left anything lying about that could get broken if trodden on but if I had she'd have said it was my own fault.

She let me paint it a bilious shade of bright green, bought me matching bedclothes and lamps and let me put up posters including a life-size cardboard cut-out of a Rude Boy I'd blagged from the record shop after a Specials promotion.

That's what I do now. As long as it's safe and clean, anything else isn't my business.

Oh God, I go into terrible rages about my DS's room

I just cannot accept him trashing his room and keeping it like a pigsty and it really upsets me when I spend time helping him tidy and clean it only for him to trash it within a day or two. I have worked hard to buy his furniture and all of his things and I do expect him to respect the things he has and keep the room reasonably decent.

The room shared by ds3 and ds4 is not too bad. Ds1 and ds2 have rooms in the loft and I can't be arsed to rarely go up there so yes, they have them pretty much how they like.

Yes, i think a compromise on some main rules, as suggested- dirty clothes in washing basket, keep the floor clear etc. Then the rest is up to them.

My DS is too young at the moment, but I have to say I think I will insist it is tidy. Tidy room, tidy mind and all that. He needs to learn that things must be kept clean and tidy or else I envision he'll wind up on 'how clean is your house' when he's older!

Besides I personally would not be able to cope knowing it was a mess.

I think the main rules are to stop a hideous smell emanating.

I also draw a line at 'trashing' i.e. carelessly breaking things. That tends to get a cat's bum face and 'The Voice'.

I think raising a child to be messy and a bit stinky is not on personal space in a shared environment effects every one

The end up loosing things in the mess
Toys get broken
The smell ECt

Personally my 11 knows what's expected if the right thing is nit in the right place on my weekly rounds it simply gose in the bin

He lost ds game then leant I wasn't joking And his room is spotless most of the time

But from a early age I have taught my son to only get something out when the toy before has been put away

Personally your oh is right I sure you don't enjoy cleaning up after your oh so why train your son to be messy so some poor cow has the same job as you when he's married

I'm the same as Ronnie with DD. Her room is the absolute pits. We have tidied it up so many times. I don't do any washing that isn't in the laundry basket, but she just take others' socks, etc. If I put any clean washing outside her room she just dumps it on the floor with the other junk.

We've tried everything - taking her phone from her, iPod, etc. We've also tried taking the door off, but nothing works. We are really at our wits' ends, so any suggestions really welcome. She doesn't really go out, so can't stop her doing that, either.

We also have two DSs. One's bedroom is absolutely immaculate, the other's is OK.

I think it's good to let them have some say in the decorating of the room when it needs doing, or when they want to do it, allow it (within reason). Also be allowed to put up posters/their own art work etc but possibly restrict it in some way (either by area or by how they attach it to the walls etc) and for them to 'arrange' it how they like (as long as you can get to the window/wardrobe etc) - but keeping it clean and reasonably tidy is not negotiable in my book.