Do you let your children have their rooms how they like?

[MincePieFlavouredVoidka]

DH and I have been discussing DS1's (10) room. I am quite happy to let him have it neat or messy, what he wants on the walls etc. DH thinks he should be made to tidy it. I see it as 'his' space. As long as he follows the three rules we have in place (which he does) I dont mind.

I have to say that I think my feeling on this come from my own Mum who was the total opposite of me. When we were children she would quite often go off in massive violent rages if our bedrooms were not tidied to her satisfaction. Throwing things away and shouting and screaming. I suppose this has made me more laid back.

My DD is 17, up to the age of about 14 she was a neat freak, and then it all changed. Her room is her own space, and to be honest you wouldnt really want to go in there. She is a budding artist and her latest creation, along with her Art schoolwork is normally strewed across the floor, but she is really good and her room has a sort of bohemian feel.

We have an agreement, when we cant see the carpet she cleans, hoovers and brings the cups and glasses downstairs. She always puts her clothes in the laundry basket, even the clean ones .

On the plus side, she is a great kid, works really hard, helps out when needed and takes her turn walking the dog :)

Don't worry-My mum tidied up after me all the time, did all my washing and eventually I got the idea that it's nicer not to live in a pigsty. I was thirty four and about to have my second baby . I am encouraging dd to be tidier and helping her break down the task, pick up 10 things at a time, do it for five mins etc. My mum didn't scream at me but she gave me no skills either. I have flylady to thank for mine, god bless her!

Like the OP I spent my teenage years arguing with my mom about the state of my room and swore I wouldn't be like that with my DDs.

They are now 17 and 14 and I don't go in to their rooms very often at all. As others have said upthread as long as the washing gets brought out once a week, the bedclothes changed and crockery brought downstairs on a regular basis, what they do in there is their own business.

Communal areas are different though - I do expect everyone to tidy up after themselves in the rest of the house.

I remember being told "young ladies should NOT have rooms in this state" by someone in my family. It got worse, three-fold after that: if I were a boy, then, it'd be OK

My mother was a control freak - my room was always immaculate - nothing was where I wanted it to be. I didn't tidy it; didn't have to. Hated it but have never been untidy and living in a spotless home meant I have always wanted to be in a spotless home even though I was never expected to help as a dc/young person.

Our dd can have their rooms as they please. Laundry only goes in the machine if it hits the laundry basket - they are asked endlessly to bring down cups, glasses, plates, yoghurt pots, wrappers, etc., their laundry is put in neat piles for them to put away. Once a week their rooms are spotless my nagging and good parenting is successful my cleaner sorts them out every time she comes. At least though they are allowed a little autonomy over their space.

Oh decor and posters meh they can have what ever they like . I remember having all my Walls black age 15 because I fancied it so can hardly complain

I wish someone had encouraged me to to keep my room clean and tidy. I really struggled as an adult to get into a routine.

DSs are 5 and 7, they have some contribution in their bedrooms. I wouldn't say imput because I bought the bedding/curtains, I did ask them which colour they wanted the walls (from a choice of very few!)

they do have posters on their walls, though I have to confess to going in and straightening them up.

I do ask them to tidy them up (which they attempt to) though it's mostly books all over the bed that is what needs tidying

My children had their own rooms. Up to them how they kept their space. I didn't go in unless invited or until they had answered my knock.
They respected our privacy in the same way and after the age of about 10, never came in to our room without being invited. They didn't tell me what to do in our room and I didn't dictate what they should do in theirs.
There were times when the mess was very bad. But hey they tidied it when they wanted/needed to.
We all tried to keep the communal areas tidy-but we lived a consensual life together, where we always strove to find a mutually respectful way of living together.

All grown up now, two of them live in houses they share with others-and are the organisers in those houses

Youngest is still here, but much tidier these days in her room and will often tidy and organise the whole house for me. In fact we have just been out to buy paint for the kitchen, she's going to decorate it for us, starting tomorrow.

I am not a naturally tidy person though I do like to have a tidy house. I wasn't made to tidy up really as a child, though I did help out a lot as I got older. I am more strict than my parents.

DD is the same as me and I do expect her room to be tidied by her, she has a checklist of jobs to be done each week. We have just spent a lot of money on decorating her room to her taste, and I'm not having it wasted by her having it trashed all the time.

DS1 is the opposite, he naturally puts things away in his room, he loves order and his sleep is affected if his room is messy. We recently converted the loft and moved DD into our old room, there were piles of boxes in DS1's room and DD was sleeping on the blow up bed in there, DS1 had nightmares nearly every night and lots of episodes of sleep walking.

I don't get this privacy thing. DDs come in and out of our room and clearly get chucked out dome times.
I go in and out of theirs, they are 10 and 13. No way would washing appear or anything be kept track of if I didn't

Weird how things evolve. My younger brother was uncontrollably untidy and pretty dirty as a teenager, and a typical slovenly student. My Mum used to despair. I was kind of in the middle, messy but with bursts of cleanliness.

Now my Mum in her 60s and widowed, so living alone, has decided that life is too short to spend it cleaning, so her shelves are thick with dust, the bathroom and the worktops in the kitchen don't really get cleaned properly, stuff that can't go in the dishwasher may sit in the sink for days on end till she can be bothered washing it, there are month-old copies of the Daily Mail lying around the living room, that sort of thing. My brother's house is spotless and he complains constantly that Mum's is "a health hazard" and, for fellow Scots, "a midden". She refuses to get a cleaner, even tho she can afford it so clearly her tolerance to messiness has increased dramatically.

I'm still in the middle but the two sides have swapped!

I have always tidied my kids rooms but now after having to do it every night I just let them mess it up as they like. If they want to tidy it they know where everything goes so it's up to them. They can do as they please with their own rooms but the rest of the house has higher standards and they can't just mess up other rooms as they see fit.

No, I'm not into bombsite bedrooms and I want them to be properly tidy for a thorough clean once a week.

As long as it is not unhygienic, I don't mind if it looks a bit messy or walls are full of posters or whatever. That is the beauty of these painted walls that can just be repainted. When I was about 11 we moved house and I ended up in beautifully wall papered room, like an elderly person's drawing room, all borders of roses and matching curtains and beautiful fittings. I felt I could hardly breathe in there. Funnily enough, it didn't turn me into a tidy person; it just made me feel rebellious.

I love going into dd's room and seeing her display changing. And a bit of mess on the floor won't hurt her.

I took my two to B&Q and let them choose their own paint when we last decorated. You need sunglasses upstairs in my house:o

Rules in my house:

No food upstairs.
If the floor isn't visible I rattle bin liners.
Dirty clothes live in the wash pile, not the bedroom.

It's not so bad, but I am expecting it to get a lot worse as they're eight and four:o

Depends how ruthless you want to be Judy Take everything out of her room, bag the crap in black bags and throw them out, leave her a mattress and bedding on the floor. Each night give her the clothes you choose that she will wear the next day and when she puts her jamas on make her put her washing in the hamper. Do that for a set length of time, say a week, then put the bed back and let her get her own clothes out say. Or let her put washing in the hamper without being reminded. Every couple of days give something back and/or add a task. As long as the tasks are done, she keeps her stuff. As soon as she slips take it all away and start all over again.

6 days a week, how they like
On Sunday it's how I like

And they clean it themselves.

I have given up. I have 3 teenagers. My YD's room is really untidy and periodically she will clean it up. My ED does hers as well everyso often.

I would like them to have clean, tidy rooms but it just isn't going to happen. As another poster says as long as the main living areas are tidy how they keep their rooms is their problem.

I make them change their sheets and they have clean clothes. They don't tend to eat in rooms and only have the odd glasses.

I used to get very stressed about it, but now I shut the door. I have other things I want to do and I have had enough of clearing up after them. saying that I do still clear up after them but not their rooms unless the floors are clear then I may run the hoover round.

I am quite naggy about the DDs' bedroom. DD1 is 10, DD2 5 and DD1 is a complete slob (despite years of trying to educate her!). If left to her own devices she will have the whole room utterly trashed in a matter of days and this is not fair to DD2. It also teaches DD2 a crap example as she feels the room is DD1's, not hers.
I nag encourage Dd1 to tidy away as she goes and on Sunday she has to make sure the whole room is tidy if she wants hot meals at school for the week. If she leaves it in a mess she has to make her own packed lunches all week instead. So far this has worked and she has only had packed lunches one week since Sept.
I have to say no food goes up there because DD1 will either leave it on a shelf to moulder or put it in the bin and say she ate it (the girl ain't right, really...)
It helps to have a big wastebin and a big laundry bin.