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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be irritated by mums referring to their child as being clever because they are dry in the night

48 replies

wagonweel1 · 19/11/2011 11:33

One of my aquantainces on facebook has this as her status. Her dd is only 2 and her status reads "so proud of xxx she is such a clever little lady, dry in the night already". Its so irritating. I suppose its a bit of a touchy subject for me because my 9 year old dd still has problems in the night and is using a bedwetting alarm and taking medication. Many of the responses on fb agree that her dd is "such a clever little lady". Well no, that doesnt make her clever, its just something that happens. My daughter is no less clever because she isnt dry in the night. Sorry, I'm just letting off steam a bit. And I hate fb boasting about children.

OP posts:

Cartoonjane · 19/11/2011 11:38

I know what you mean as my DD is six and still wears a nappy that gets soaked through every night. I think though that the peope who say "clever" know it isnt really about being clever and it's just a turn of phrase to express their own delight as much as anything. I know I've used the word "clever" to describe developmental things that aren't really to do with being clever at all.

LordOfTheFlies · 19/11/2011 11:38

"clever" as opposed to "good".
Maybe they don't say "good girl" because if they do wee it makes them a "naughty girl" in the childs eyes. ( At my DS nursery they never said 'naughty' it was 'silly' )

Speaks the one who wasn't properly dry til maybe 13 yo (second year of secondary)
That makes me as thick as pig shit then

Original poster

wagonweel1 · 19/11/2011 11:42

Oh Lord, I truly hope dd isnt still bedwettint till 13. For her sake and mine. Its so hard work keep getting up in the night and keeping on top of the washing. But its worse for her, she sometimes wets 2-3 times a night and she is knackered for school the next day.

OP posts:

Rational · 19/11/2011 11:46

That's like saying people who may post about their pride when the little one takes their first steps shouldn't in case they offend someone with a disabled child who can't walk. It's nit meant as a slur on your child, who obviously has a wee problem, it's just proud parents. Did you never boast a little about something your child did, like doing particularly well at school?

Original poster

wagonweel1 · 19/11/2011 11:50

Rational, actually, no, I dont boast about my children to others. I dont feel the need to. I praise them, and tell them I'm proud of them but I dont feel the need to boast to others about them. IMO people who boast to others are just showing off, most people arent really interested in other peoples childrens achievements, well, with the exception of maybe close friends and family. If people want to boast about their children walking, being dry in the night then fine, I havent got a problem with that. But to say that they are "clever" for doing it, well no, they arent clever for doing it. Its not about being clever or not. Its just something that happens.

OP posts:

Rational · 19/11/2011 12:04

I only have close friends and family on my fb, they're really interested in what my wee one's doing or not doing. I'm not one for having 'acquaintances' on fb, why would I want to?

I'm not agreeing that being dry at night is a sign of intelligence, I'm just saying that you might want to give the woman a break. Her being pleased that her kiddy is dry is not a poke at you.

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 19/11/2011 12:05

YANBU to feel irked by this you must be stressed and tired too. It will get better. i remember DS coming home from school in his tracksuit everyday for a few weeks due to accidents. I felt so sad for him.

Also, i'd be a bit cynical about the post - completely dry at 2 or a couple of random lucky nights? Or perhaps a paranoid touch of competitive mothering? I don't think this is the long term view. Is the 2year old getting up and going to the toilet by herself at night, or us the mother rushing in, and holding her over the toilet last thing at night, first thing in the morning?

Or she really is a clever 2 yo ad she had managed to isolate the ADH hormone, and inject herself with enough to get through the night dry. Now that is clever....

I don't ever remember posting about the pride I felt in my kids urination patterns. Just take it with a pinch if salt op, and block her comments from your page.

JjingleBeanplusPudalltheway · 19/11/2011 12:06

Yanbu

Clever has little or nothing to do with it, the 'cleverest' child in my family was last to potty train. Its like sitting up/learning to walk it happens when they are ready

I hate boasty parents on facebook.

Vicki1981 · 19/11/2011 12:06

Aah it's only showing pride in their children. My daughter has soaking nappies in the morning and she is three - I don't have a problem with it. We tried without, it didn't work. We'll try later.

When I see others all happy because their 2.5 yo is dry at night I'm pleased for them. No way offended!

valiumredhead · 19/11/2011 12:06

It's only an expression but I can see why it would irritate you .

StrandedUnderTheMisltoe · 19/11/2011 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladyintheradiator · 19/11/2011 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigermoll · 19/11/2011 12:09

I'm with you, wagonwheel, - I LOATHE people boasting about their child's development. But I think it may be being a bit oversensitive to see it as being a dig at people who's children aren't as advanced, - parental boasting is actually more about a parent congratulating themselves on their own cleverness.

They may dress it up as being proud of their child, but needing to tell people is far more about saying 'look how clever I am to have such a good child'.

LordOfTheFlies · 19/11/2011 12:11

wagonweel1 there is so much more understanding and information out there.

I know I used to sleep deep, nothing woke me.So if I had the need to wee, my brain didn't wake me and make me go to the loo.It made me dream that I was on the loo or similar, so my bladder responded.

2 is still young for a child to be dry at night. Sometimes it's a fluke, and children can regress.

(My aunt used to work in a childrens home where all the children with wet beds used to have to line-up for a smack)

Bet that helped -not.

hanaka88 · 19/11/2011 12:12

I boast about my child on Facebook as I only have close friends on there. He is ASD. He traced over his name for the first time at 5 and the photo went straight up.

I would be just as proud of my friends children of the same age writing their first sentences. It isn't an issue really it shouldn't be about comparing you should be happy for the child.

hanaka88 · 19/11/2011 12:13

Or he has ASD

nickelbabe · 19/11/2011 12:13

I'm with LOTF - i wet the bed until I was 6.
I've got a degree....

(so, obviously not related then!)

YANBU

worraliberty · 19/11/2011 12:15

Ahh you say tomayto I say tomato

'Clever' is just a wrong choice of word in this instance from people who don't think too much into it.

I'm sure they don't mean the toddler has a PHD in not wetting the bed....

LordOfTheFlies · 19/11/2011 12:15

just noticed your DD is 9 yo, it's the FB child who's 2 yo.

Have you tried cutting things out?

Experts disagree but I know from expereience that Ribena, any fizzy drinks and hoot chocolate are the worst things for my DCs.

And if my DD has ice-cream she has to pee about 3 times in the next half hour.
Milk doesn't affect her, or ice-lollies. Just ice-cream. Weird.

PiousPrat · 19/11/2011 12:15

I told my 10 week old he was clever because he managed to wee straight out of the side of his nappy and soak his Dad. He obviously agreed because he flashed me a cheeky grin

StrandedUnderTheMisltoe · 19/11/2011 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clossaintjacques · 19/11/2011 12:20

Oh! be pleased for her FFS! It's a milestone and she's sharing it with people, don't take it personally.
And everyone 'boasts' at some stage about their kids, it's natural and normal. So long as it's not continual it's not a problem surely?

tigermoll · 19/11/2011 12:23

Is it me, or is it a bit creepy to share your child's urination schedule with fb?

WineOhWhy · 19/11/2011 12:23

DD was dry at night without a single accident at 2.5. She regressed about 8 months on and she is now wet at night about half the time at 7 (and is very able at school - reading age of 12 etc).

I do think you are being over-sensitive though - it s just a turn of phrase and I am sure she knows it is not linked to intelligence. The other similar one which does make me laugh is if children/ parents boast about age at which they grow/lose teeth.

Rational · 19/11/2011 12:27

One of the reasons I like FB is because it's a great way to keep in touch with people I care about, I can see their photos of their kids and just keep up to date on their lives. I'm not one for phoning people a lot, except my very closest friends. On FB I have lots of friends who have little kids, we don't see that much of each other because of kids and work etc so it's ideal.

We sometimes put on updates about what our kids are up to and reply with humorous or proud comments, it's really harmless. This includes one girl who has a daughter with a form of epilepsy which has resulted in slowed development. She loves to post when her daughter has reached a special milestone, even if it is way after our kids, and we're so pleased for her. She has never shown an ounce of bitterness that our kids get their before hers, she's really that accepting of her daughter's condition and genuinely interested in everyone elses.

I also don't have people on FB that I would only chat briefly to in RL, I think it's pointless.

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