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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 4 is far too young for school...

55 replies

StrongestMummyInTheWorld · 18/11/2011 10:28

... and to wish all children didn't start school until age 7?

I don't want to take my child out of school and have her have a totally different experience to most other kids. But the night-terrors, screaming nightmares and worst of all the difficulty separating the bad dreams from what really happened is pretty hard to take. Other parents tell me their kids are similarly distressed. So what are we doing to our children starting them so young?

OP posts:
lifeinthemidlands · 18/11/2011 10:31

This is not the normal experience of starting school. What is the school doing to help your daughter settle in?
Or maybe this isn't right for your child at the moment.

lynniep · 18/11/2011 10:31

I'm sorry your child is having such a hard time, but I disagree. It does depend on the individual child, but I cannot relate to what your saying at all, and none of the parents of the children in my sons reception class say anything other than their children love school most of the time. None of them are 'distressed' A lot of the children are very very tired I have to say, including my DS1. But he is really enjoying it.

ChristinedePizanne · 18/11/2011 10:33

I kind of agree but DS seems perfectly happy at school and is really enjoying learning so I have had to revise my opinion.

What is causing your DC to have night terrors? Are they telling you what is upsetting them in particular?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/11/2011 10:33

YABU to make out that one child's experience is the norm. Many children starting school struggle a bit with the tiredness brought on by full-time activity and need earlier bedtimes than they did when just pottering about at home. If you child is having experiences at school bad enough to cause such anxiety and night terrors, talk to the school. That's not normal

HazleNutt · 18/11/2011 10:37

I agree. No reason to start that early. For example in Finland and Estonia kids go to school age 7 and both countries scored higher in Pisa tests than UK.

azazello · 18/11/2011 10:37

It depends on the child. My 4yo DD absolutely loves school. She wanted to go in over the weekend with me and DH so we could all learn and see how much fun it is.

That sounds like your daughter is very tired and finding it all very difficult. COuld you pull her out of Reception and try again in year one?

FreudianSlipper · 18/11/2011 10:37

i agree

ds was 4 at the end of september adn his dad thinks he shoudl go to school i do not. i woudl be happy for him to start when he is 7 and stay at the nursery he attends, they seperate the older children and they have little classes learning to read and write, they do little projects and i think this is great for him and he is ready for this and there is still lots of time to play but the day is more structured so i feel he will be ready next year but would be happy for him to go later

ShowOfHands · 18/11/2011 10:38

DD is the youngest in her year and I really worried about sending her. In general terms I prefer the notion of children starting at 7.

DD started reception in September. She is so happy it's brilliant to see. She's reading and writing fluently, learning massive amounts, has learnt to swim and do maths, settled, not overtired, making firm friends and asks to go in on Saturdays and Sundays. Her whole class seems content and well adjusted and I know from talking to other mothers that they're all managing fine.

Some children will struggle yes and you have to make a decision about what's right for them. Talk to the school. They will want to help if they know anything at all about children and education.

But don't assume that it's the same for all children. I have a young 4yr old and was all ready to homeschool should she have needed it. But school is the fourth greatest thing that's ever happened to her, in her very own words (I'm the first, dh is the second, ds the third).

bradbourne · 18/11/2011 10:38

YABU - ds couldn't ait to start school at 4. He was disappointed that there was "too much playing and not enough work" - basically, it wasn't all that different from pre-school.
4 might be too early for some children, but certainly not for all.

elliejjtiny · 18/11/2011 10:38

Some children are ready for school at 4 and some are not. My eldest (born in july) could have done with an extra term at home I think. My DS2 (born in april) is going in september and he is struggling with 3 mornings at preschool at the moment so don't know how he will cope at school. However my friend's ds (born in august) was more than ready to start when he did.

slavetofilofax · 18/11/2011 10:38

I disagree, and I work with a reception class in a school. We have a particularly young intake this year, and while I think there are one or two children who may have benefitted from an extra term or two at nursery, the vast majority are fine.

They love the extra things they do at school that they didn't have at nursery, assemblies and the like, but apart from some school routines, it isn't much different from nursery apart from the uniform. They still fall under the EYFS, their curriculum is still child led.

For the children that are quite bright and are keen to learn, the opportunity is there for them to take their learning further than they would be able to at nursery, simply because we have more time and resources in school.

It works fine for the vast majority of children.

PacificDogwood · 18/11/2011 10:40

YANBU. In principle.

Every child is different, yadda yaddy.

Most of Europe starts school at age 6, except for Switzerland were kids start aged 7. My Swiss friend is tearing her hair out what to do with her 6 1/2 and 5 year old DDs who are getting bored at nursery.

OP, I hope you DD will settle in her own time.

Personally, I am relieved that all me DSs will be 5.5 before they start school.

worraliberty · 18/11/2011 10:40

YABU

All kids are different and some are crying out for school at that age

valiumredhead · 18/11/2011 10:43

I agree OP it is far too young. They need playgroup/nursery but not proper school until they are older imo.

bruffin · 18/11/2011 10:44

Get fed up with everyone bringing up Finland as a brilliant example. I worked for a finnish company for 6 years their education system is overrated! Also very few children are kept at home until they are 7 and in most countries they start in some type of kindergarten long before that. We have german friends whose son was born within days of DD. He found that starting at 7 a horrible shock as they went from playing all day to a very formal setting, whereas in the uk it is a lot more of a gradual step. Reception is about play and not formal learning.

All children are different, I have september babies and both of them could easily have managed being in school at 4, in fact DD was begging to go to proper school when she was 4.3. She stood at the top of the stairs shouting
"I want to go to school NOW!!!!!!!!!"

latrucha · 18/11/2011 10:45

My daughter wakes up with nightmares if she is overtired. This can mean even as little as going to bed half an hour later than usual. Might it help to try an earlier bedtime?

CMOTdibbler · 18/11/2011 10:46

My ds was totally ready for school at 4. My colleagues in Finland tell me that although formal, compulsory, school starts at 7, state funded nursery starts much earlier and everyone they know has their children there full time, and it is very similar to our nursery and reception

SoupDragon · 18/11/2011 10:47

YABU. Certainly both DS2 and DD were more than ready for school at 4.

Not all children are the same. Mine would have been insufferably bored if they hadn't started until 7. A one size fits all approach is never going to suit every single child, whichever way you do it.

IndigoBell · 18/11/2011 10:48

Why is your child having night terrors? School really shouldn't be doing that to her. I would be very, very concerned by that. And if other kids in her class are reporting the same thing then alarm bells would be seriously ringing.

Apart from that reception isn't much different to nursery - and very similar to the kind of nursery / preschool that most European kids would be doing at the same age.

Also, many European kids get a huge shock when they first go to school at 6 or 7 because it is far more structured than what we have here. Many European's envy our soft start.

spiderpig8 · 18/11/2011 10:48

Do you mean night terrors or nightmares? they are very different things.Nightmares are bad dreams obviously.Night terrors are where the child appears to be terrified but is actually not and can't remember anything about it in the morning.It is more akin to a fit than bad dreams and is usually caused by being overtired or overheated.

Bucharest · 18/11/2011 10:50

Do bear in mind in countries like here where they start between 6 and 7 they are expected to already be reading and writingwell by their first Christmas,(teaching children to read and write is considered to be nursery's job) they will get about 3 hours homework every single day and will be doing subjects that, surprise! correspond to what a 6-7 yr ld is doing in the UK. (except perhaps a little bit more advanced in core literacy stuff-dd has just turned 8 and is doing essay writing (both creative and analytical) and long division and multiplication in maths. In school here it is bums on seats for 5 hours a day. Learning through play is done at nursery school.

THe system I have described above works well for dd because she'sbright. God help the ones who aren't, because there is next to no provision for them (other than a charmingly termed "recuperation" afternoon which the less able children are asked to attend once a week for extra lessons. If they don't make the grade at the end of the year they can be failed and have to resit.It's virtually unheard of at primary, but not impossible.

UK schools may start at 4-ish, but what is being done in those first few years is exactly the same as what is being done at the same age in other countries, but in different institutions.

I agree with other posters that your child's reaction isn't normal however. Have you asked the teacher how she is in school?

Original poster
StrongestMummyInTheWorld · 18/11/2011 10:50

ChristinedePizanne night terrors aren't like nightmares, the child looks awake, runs around screaming and pinging off the walls and doesn't recognise their own parents. They don't remember in the morning and you mustn't tell them because it's much more scary to watch or hear about than to live through apparently.

The nightmares is all common or garden stuff. It just seems like the unstructured play that Ofsted are so keen on is too stressful when it involves 26 other kids for 6 hours. Yup my child adores school and begs to go at the weekends too.

Interesting to hear that others think their kids are okay, whereas I've had five parents separately contact me to ask how my child is doing because theirs is so stressed.

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 18/11/2011 10:50

Germany has 3 years of nursery before school.

It seems to me that England in particular is very rigid with its school start - there seems to be little allowance for early/late school entry for individual mature or not children.

teddyandsheep · 18/11/2011 10:52

This entirely depends on the child. Your experience is unusual. Sorry I think YABU as other children absolutely thrive at school at 4 and you are not considering this.

msbuggywinkle · 18/11/2011 11:01

I agree. I don't see the point in starting formal education so early, it was this that first led us to look in to Home Ed. The original plan being that they would start school when actually ready (which DD1 wasn't at 4) rather than when told to.

Of course, things don't always work out as planned and we all love Home Ed so much we have carried on instead.