to wonder what 'jobs' I'm meant to be doing 'whilst the baby is asleep'?

[MrsChanandlerBong]

People keep saying this to me - get your jobs done whilst the baby is asleep/content. Apart from the fact that she never is (during the day) and seems to need to be held constantly, I don't understand what needs doing so urgently that I should be doing?

There's things I'd quite like to do like laking on mumsnet like eat lunch or make dinner, but even those I don't get chance to most days. I can just about stick a wash in but everything else waits til the evening or weekend.

I'm BFing which takes ages but I don't know how on earth people have time to FF - I'd be using unsterilised bottles and all sorts! I'm generally pretty organised but I' rethinking this position as I'm obviously failing in my SAHM chores...

Maybe I'm a slattern! Or am I being too soft and holding her too much when I could be doing other things? I dunno.

In the old days your female relatives would still be doing EVERYTHING for you for a couple more weeks

Your job is to 1. look after baby, 2. look after you, 3. Anything else you might have time to do (ha!) if you really want to. In that order.

So - eat, sleep, grab a shower, go to the loo, nap, while the baby is asleep.

I'm still in that position at 20 weeks! Sod the house!

Well, cos I've got 2 other children, a dog and a cat to look after, and a DH who is out of the house 13 hrs a day for work and only contributes to generating house work, I find it hard to imagine not having more jobs to do than time available. I give myself a break every morning after the school run/dog walk when I eat toast, drink coffee and come on MN. Then it's time to feed the baby, do jobs, feed the baby, school run, after school activities, kids dinner, feed the baby, bath and bedtime for the big ones, cook dinner for the adults, feed the baby and go to sleep. Wake a few times in the night to settle windy baby before getting up at 6am to feed the baby and start all over again.

Am green with envy that you can't think of anything that needs doing.

BTW FF is easier because it's quicker and much less draining. Do you really think if it was harder that so many people would end up doing it. I say that having MF one, FF one and EBF my current baby. The major advantage of BF over FF is that it's easier to MN at the same time .

I am sure your guttering could do with a look and the pointing prob needs doing too...come on!!!

SLEEP!

DH suggested that I could perhaps get a part time job in the evenings. This was before dd1 was born.

All I am saying is he was lucky I was not easily mobile due to being heavily pregnant when he made his suggestion.

It's not that I can't think of stuff that needs doing, it's more that I don't see what's so urgent about it

Fortunately I only have one child atm, and a very tidy and organised husband. I know I'm lucky but it's more that I feel guilty that there must be other stuff I should be doing other than dealing with the baby?

I have a relative who leaves her 10wo baby overnight and for hours during the day with her mum and grandma so she can 'clean the house'. I daren't invite her round because she'd think my home was a hovel.

I tend to think that when I worked full time my house survived without being cleaned during the day, so why would it be different now?

Second what iscreamtea said!
I've got 3 dc and the youngest is a newborn. I always have heaps of jobs to do while baby sleeps (even when she doesn't sleep but is in bouncer or on playmat!)
I've done ff and bf and although bf is easier once you've got into the swing of it, ff is much much quicker! Even taking into account the daily washing and sterilising.
If I didn't have any jobs that needed doing urgently (hungry kids, wiping toddlers bum, loading dishwasher to make sure we've got plates to eat dinner off, washing school uniform etc) then I'd def rest!
If you can't think of any jobs to do then don't worry about thinking some up, just enjoy the peace :)

I'm currently sat on the sofa feeding/cuddling my 5 month old baby. My house is chaos and yet I am about to go back to bed with DD as I am tired and she has a cough so just wants to feed/sleep all day. There's nothing that can't wait once my other DC are at school except collecting them and making the most of my baby while she is tiny is more important to me than housework.

I'm on mat leave with DS2 (16w) and DS1 (2.9) at home.
My eldest still needs a nap during the day (because he is flipping hyper when he's awake) and that is my relaxing time. Sometimes I even get showered or have a bath. I record 'Greek' (american college sorority-fraternity drama that I am probably too old to watch lol ) off E4 every day and as soon as he goes down for a sleep I stick it on.. It's such a relief after having Thomas, Mr Tumble, Peppa Pig, Chugginton, Numberjacks ALL morning (while I feed DS2, organise DS1s breakfast etc and do my christmas shopping online)... Occasionally I'll put on a wash (the dry clothes end up in an ever increasing pile to be ironed).

I formula feed, and DS2 is a VERY easy baby (DS1 was a colic monster) and loves his naps too (little chubby angel), so I might be giving inappropriate advice for someone in your situation, but I DO think you should try putting the baby down for a while. Yes, she might be hard to settle, but I'm just thinking if she's too dependant on now you she might become very clingy in the long term. I'm not telling you not to hold your baby, and I'm sure I'll get lambasted for this! I tried not to hold DS1 TOO much for this reason and was blessed with a very independent child as (I feel) a result of this. Both my boys are VERY happy children so I don't think they felt any less loved being put in their cot, bouncer or swing (or in DS2's case at the mo, in the middle of a kingsized bed).

According to XH you should have the house and garden immaculate 100% of the time, home baking and home cooked meals for all visitors, be fully made up and hair done at all times, please note it should only take 30 min to wash, dry, iron and put away a load of washing.

It must be noted that this is the arsehole who would throw a temper tantrum when I went to the toilet as I was wasting time on unnecessary stuff so instead of his system I'd go with sleeping, eating or something else you really want to do.

Do whatever makes you happy. I nap when my baby does and he is nearly 11months and generally sleeps 12hrs at night! I love it! My house is clean and tidy, but there are plenty of hours for that. Just enjoy it.

Oh, and get a really small house. Less tidying.

Tch tch OP:

Scrub the front step
Darn your husband's socks
Make a week's food and freeze it
Knit baby bootees
Wash all sheets & net curtains

And that's just for starters.

Ordering DVD boxsets from lovefilm?
Checking you have plenty of goodies in the food cupboards?
Um...

My house was fine when I had one baby that couldn't crawl.
Now it is not fine...

Sleep, cuddle, relax.

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rock-a-bye, Lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek-peek-a-boo).
The shopping is not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there is a hullabaloo.
But I'm playing "Kanga" and this is my "Roo."
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rock-a-bye, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

Ruth Hulburt Hamilton, 1958

I FF my 2nd and 3rd babies. With my 2nd I spent a couple of hours doing housework then the rest of the time I would be reading or playing tetris on the gameboy [the eldest was in school]. My 3rd one was a bit more time consuming as I had a 3 year old as well by then.

I used to sleep during the long nap, and when I had two littlies, I put them both to nap at the same time, then fall asleep myself for an hour.

If you can cope without naps whilst having broken nights, good on you, but I couldn't and my daytime naps were lifesavers, I also did most housework/other stuff when the babies were awake, with them 'helping'.

No point pushing yourself to complete exhaustion.

That's so beautiful and true jonny

Don't feel guilty OP! Enjoy your time with your baby.

Oh please have a sleep, never mind the bloody housework, you should just be enjoying your baby, tell the Housework Police to feck off!. Congratulations btw.

Jonny so true!

1. sleep
2. snuggle the baby
3. eat and drink
4. chat
5. tinterweb

and I agree, chores can be done with kid in a sling or 'helping' when they are bigger.

Oh Minus . I don't say this about other peoples husbands ex or not, but what a horrible bastard.