to think that the father of two very small children should provide an effective means of contact when he goes away for work

[babyledweaner]

...as opposed to leaving me his mobile number (but switching the phone off as he's forgotten the charger), someone else's mobile number (also off, as they are in meetings) and, that's it, no other means of contact (no hotel/conference centre name or anything).

Feeling quite raw/furious about it. DH is away most of the week every week, though usually contactable if needed, but this week he's been in Germany and DD2 got ill with the same thing that hospitalised DD1 for a week last year.

I would never ever be somewhere that I couldn't be reached (I leave alternate numbers when I pop to the frigging hairdressers FFS). Should I take it as a compliment to my ability to manage alone with two under twos, or as more evidence that my partner can barely manage his own life with any competence? Sorry to be so harsh, but I needed to vent...

Poor DD2 (sleeping peacefully now) is very poorly, and I just wanted some support from his dad.

Portofino, in the OP's case she won't be able to contact him, even in a real emergency. I think that's the issue.

It's one thing to have a child so ill that he needs to drop everything and get to a hopsital bedside RIGHT NOW in order to say goodbye.... It's another thing entirely to listen to you explain what the doctor said with the outcome of some calpol and plenty of fluids right when he's in the middle of working.

My husband would do one thing if I phoned him when he was working about a non-life-or-death situation: He would hang up - and rightly so. His work are paying for his time, and I should not be stealing that from them by wittering on the phone to him about domestic matters.

If it's really that life or death, surely his work would be able to tell you where he was and get a message delivered to him whereever he was?

I don't think you are BU - your DP should have left at least the name of the hotel so a message could get through. It's good to rant to get it off your chest but at the moment you are okay as it's not an emergency so take a breath and be grateful for that :) (Although I'm not belittling you as it is so stressful looking after a sick child)

Maybe if it is an emergency you could phone his work and ask them which hotel they booked him into or which office he is at as you need to get a message to him. and then have a good bloody rant at him when you do get hold of him

I agree with abbie that talkinP you sound like you are spoiling for a fight without cause. The OP doesn't want to contact her DP at work but after work when he has free time (and she doesn't as she is looking after a sick child). You sound like you have a massive chip on your shoulder and a point to prove but this doesn't look like the right thread to be doing it on.

abbie, I agree - didn't I say that?

Jesus! "stealing from them by whittering on the phone to him... " ??? Is this sancatamonious domestic drudge night or what?

Babyled - I would be annoyed too, particularly as I'd like to think DH would think of these things. BUT, I'm sure it's not malice or intentional, just completely not thinking. I'm sorry your daughter has been very poorly, what a shit day for you. Hope your DH gets in touch soon. It's also shit being annoyed, but not being able to communicate that annoyance.

'Wittering about domestic matters' 'he would hang up' fucking hell, have I wandered into the 1950s? Northerngirl, you need to find a husband who respects you a bit more.
Oh, and the OP is concerned about her DD being hospitalised...so I'm sure your talk of death has cheered her right up, well done for that

He did leave 2 contact numbers though, I am sure he didn't deliberatly forget his phone charger.

Does his employer not have an office that you can phone in the morning to get the hotel name?

northerngirl "whittering on about domestic matters"??!!???! The OPs daughter was nearly taken into hospital today.

Portofino...er...yeah, I think so! I'm getting a little defensive as the stepford wives seem to be out in force
Sorry if I appeared to bite your head off, it wasn't meant that way!

abbie - but you don't disturb people at work to discuss calpol and the like! I am work and dh is at work - we don't ring each other to discuss household matters. I might send him an appointment request to book holiday or collect dd from Brownines but we don't have a phone conversation to discuss these things DURING work.

Mind you, I had an interview tonight which, if it works out, would necessitate ME going to the US twice a year for 2 weeks. I am interested to see how THAT will pan out.....

A sick child is not a 'domestic matter'!

Absolutely not a domestic drudge here - because if someone phoned me up whilst I was at work, when there's a situation I can do absolutely nothing about I'd have exactly the same reaction. I'd tell them to speak to me about it when I got home or tell them I'd call them back when I had some free time to speak to them properly about it, not have some hushed conversation in the corner of a conference meeting room.

He can't do anything right now, the OP doesn't even know if the child is going to be admitted to hospital, it's just a possibility and even then, it doesn't sound particularly life threatening if they might/might not admit the child.

What exactly does she expect him to be able to do whilst at work, presumably quite far away, when she doesn't actually know what the situation is herself, and he's not able to drop his work and devote any time to supporting her or getting home?

abbie - i see where you're coming from, totally. i find it hard to believe that so many people work in such inflexible companies (air traffic control / armed forces etc aside where people are in life / death situations at work). give and take.

this has digressed. this isn't about 'can i discuss calpol with my dh when he is at work?'. this is 'aibu to expect my dh to leave a contact number that works for my dh as my daughter was nearly admitted to hospital today'.

Sheeplikessleep yes, definitely inept rather than intentional/malicious.

seriously northerngirl - you wouldn't want to know if your own child was about to be admitted to hospital?

babyledweaner - i'm sure your dh will have his tail between his legs for not leaving more info on his whereabouts and hopefully that will relieve some of your frustration at the moment. wishing your daughter a speedy recovery

I think it is absolute BULLSHIT to suggest that anybody is too important to not be contactable in case of an emergency to do with their child or family. Nobody is too important for that sort of thing, not even TalkInPeace2's husband and his audience!

It IS hard - I know that. When dh had first moved to Brussels and I was still in UK, dd woke up one morning covered in bright red rash. I was in a right panic thinking she had meningitis and couldn't get through to the dr. It turned out she was allergic to strawberries and not ill at all. But I DEALT with it. Dh wasn't in a position to do anything. Obviously, had it been serious I could have contacted the office.....It IS important to leave details of where you are.

I'm quite baffled at some of the posts on here. I have a paid job, DH is SAHD. If I got home to find a note saying "Have taken DS to hospital, didn't want to bother you at work", I would be absolutely livid that he hadn't rung me - I'd feel like a spare part in my own family.

And I would certainly never go away overnight without making sure DH knew how to contact me in an emergency. That's just hopeless.

Hope your daughter recovers soon, OP.

Some of you are very odd. There's not always a need to drop everything and rush home. Sometimes the words 'OK, love you, keep me posted, I'll be home soon' can make a world of difference when you're at the end of your tether with worry.

If you're in a position where you can't use the phone, it's entirely reasonable to switch it off, or to silent, but to switch it on when you finish so you can pick up any texts or messages. In some places you are not allowed carry a phone, or one will not work.

As for forgetting the charger, it's useful to have a USB cable that enable the phone to be connected to a PC. This will fit in a shirt pocket, briefcase, overnight bag, toolbox, kitbag or whatever you have to carry. A spare one tucked away means you can always charge up (I also have a thing that pokes into a car fag lighter and has a UBS socket for charging in it). I find it inconvenient to be out of touch, and generally phone home each day when away unless in a place where it is not possible.

I have known people turn off their phones or refuse to answer them if they think they are being pestered by too many calls. I have no idea about that.

sheeplikessleep - No I don't want to know if the child "might" be admitted to hospital - not if it's a case of the nanny phoning me to ask "Do you think I should take him to hospital or not?"

If the situation is that bad, take the child ASAP, don't waste time trying to get hold of me. If whoever is looking after your child is that incompetant or that unconfident in their ability to make potentially life changing decisions, don't leave the children with them in the first place!