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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I was somebody's best friend?

71 replies

lesley33 · 16/11/2011 15:54

I actually have lots of friends. But while they will often have a best friend, I am nobody's best friend. My DP just says its is common for DP's to be the best friend. But my DP does have a best friend. AIBU in wishing I could be someone's best friend?

OP posts:
BehindLockNumberNine · 16/11/2011 15:58

No, yanbu. I feel the same. I have a small handful of friends (3 to be precise) and they are all extremely lovely. But they all have a best friend outside of our little circle and I myself do not.

I do however have lots and lots of acquaintances.

I long for a best friend. I suspect I may be picky though. In the past when someone has tried to become a closer friend I soon became irritated by their presence and let the friendship fizzle out. So perhaps I am just not suited to having a best friend....

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/11/2011 15:59

YANBU at all! You can be my best friend if you like! haha

I am the same as you; lots of friends but I don't think anyone would ever name me as their best friend. I've only ever been a bridesmaid for my sister and have never been asked to be a godparent. The girl I thought was my best friend from schooldays chose another of our circle of schoolfriends to be her bridesmaid and her DS's godmother.

I find these days I try to be less accommodating to people and be my own best friend. At least if you are true to yourself you keep your self respect and self esteem intact.

AfternoonDelight · 16/11/2011 16:00

I don't have a best friend.

:(

willselfless · 16/11/2011 16:00

YANBU

I have friends (some very close) but no best friend. I don't even have a DP!

I have two friends who come and moan to me when they fall out with their 'best' friend, which makes me feel rather Confused and a bit Sad. (i.e. I'm good as a shoulder to cry on but not their first choice as 'best' friend)

KissMyA · 16/11/2011 16:01

Yanbu. I'm the same. I have a few close friends but I don't see them very often. I've had friends who've wanted to be best friends but found it too demanding to be honest! Most wanted to talk and text everyday and I found it too much.

GraciousLife · 16/11/2011 16:01

My boyfriends best friend is his ex girlfriend :(

ViviPru · 16/11/2011 16:02

OP do you mean a female friend who comes to you first as you would go to her first (with anything)?

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/11/2011 16:02

Oh no, Graciouslife, that's not good :(

KissMyA · 16/11/2011 16:05

Good gracious Gracious! How do you deal with that? You're better than me

LemonDifficult · 16/11/2011 16:06

I'm the same - not short of friends but no best friend. Well, I have a friend who I think of as probably best friend, but she has about ten friends like me so it doesn't count like one of those tight knit best friendships. So envious of those. And I'd love a sister, too!

Do you think it's too late to make a best friend? Or do they have to be forged by adulthood?

SecretSquirrels · 16/11/2011 16:14

Never had a best friend as a child.
When I was in my 20s I once thought I had a best friend but at her wedding I realised that she had so many friends that I was way down the pecking order.
I have two or three friends but they are all what DH calls "people collectors" and they seemingly have hundreds of friends. Sad.
To be fair DH has been my best friend for 33 years and he has no friends beside me.

thefurryone · 16/11/2011 16:15

I sort of have one although we live in different countries now so it's not the same. I wish I had one where I live, everyone here seems to be friends with the people they've been friends with since school.

thefurryone · 16/11/2011 16:19

YANBU by the way.

I'd also add that I don't think I even need a best friend I'd just settle for some people I have more in common with than the people I currently hang out with.

I suppose DH is my best friend in many ways although he's not always that supportive when I need someone to moan about him to.

ViviPru · 16/11/2011 16:20

"he's not always that supportive when I need someone to moan about him to."

Brilliant, furry Grin

RumourOfAHurricane · 16/11/2011 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hiddenhome · 16/11/2011 16:21

I would hate to be somebody's best friend.....to much responsibility Grin

fuzzynavel · 16/11/2011 16:21

Not sure about this "best friend" thing. I suppose I do have one, I've known her since we were 8 and we are now almost 50. I think having a best friend is a young thing. As we get older we have aquaintances, friends and close friends.

I find the older I get the more I don't want that "in your business close thing" going on.

SootySweepandSue · 16/11/2011 16:23

YANBU.

Agree with Furry...so hard to find kindred spirits round here too.

ViviPru · 16/11/2011 16:25

"what is the definition of a best friend?" That's pretty much what I was trying to pin down in my first post, shine. Its quite subjective I suppose.

JingleAllTheSoddingWay · 16/11/2011 16:31

Just a friend would be nice. Doesn't have to be a best friend.

Moved house and all the people I classed as friends haven't bothered with me since the move. Know no-one in the new place. (apart from the PIL but can't really call them friends although they are absolutely lovely)

nerfmum · 16/11/2011 16:47

YANBU
I too wish I had a best friend, I have 3 friends but all of which have 'better; friends than me. Ever since I fell out with my best friend at school when we were about 17 I haven't really been able to 'pick up' another. I then at 18 moved away from home town and lost touch with people. I look on fb now and see the 'group' I would have been a part of had i stayed in the area and feel sad.

Original poster
lesley33 · 16/11/2011 16:54

I do actually have quite a few friends. I do have people I can talk to. But they all have at least 1 closer friend. For example, if they were going to get married and choose a bridesmaid or 2, it wouldn't be me. I am close to my DP, so it isn't lack of people to talk to. I guess it is more jealousy.

I was quite lonely as a teenager, so I know I am more insecure than some others about friendships.

OP posts:
Original poster
lesley33 · 16/11/2011 16:55

But as far as I know, nobody except my DP knows this.

OP posts:
BestIsWest · 16/11/2011 17:00

I have a lovely friend who I call my best friend. But she lives 150 miles away and we only see each other once a year or so. We email and facebook and text a lot though. In reality DH is my best friend.

I worked with a couple of people for 25 years until last year and we were all really close, went through our weddings, births of DCs, DCs growing up etc together. We've all moved on to different things now and though we do keep in touch and meet up, it's infrequent and I really miss them. I suppose I'm a bit sad that we don't seem to be sustaining the friendships as I'd hoped we would.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/11/2011 17:01

Lesley you sound like me. i'd say I have lots of close friends but none would ever name me as their best friend. I often think I'm one of those people that is just "there".