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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I was somebody's best friend?

71 replies

lesley33 · 16/11/2011 15:54

I actually have lots of friends. But while they will often have a best friend, I am nobody's best friend. My DP just says its is common for DP's to be the best friend. But my DP does have a best friend. AIBU in wishing I could be someone's best friend?

OP posts:
Original poster
lesley33 · 16/11/2011 17:08

Hex - I do know what you mean.....unfortunately

OP posts:
Bumblequeen · 16/11/2011 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

newgirl · 16/11/2011 18:02

in some ways i think it is healthier to have a range of friends

QueenofJacksDreams · 16/11/2011 18:18

I'd love a best friend actually to be honest I'd love a friend Sad I moved away when I was young from my hometown and after being hurt badly my someone I did consider my best friend and my mental health problems I just can't make another. Doesn't help that I'm the one the other parents are taking the piss out of at the school gates or the one that no-one can chat with for fear of being left out by the mummy elite.

nokissymum · 16/11/2011 18:19

No best friend Sad a handful of friends though, but i seem yo very different relationships with all of them which is odd.
One friend i seem to discuss old friends, culture and more often now children with.
Another friend is a devout christian, we often discuss christianity a lot, DIY and books we've read Confused
There's another friend, who i discuss marriage and children with, but wouldnt dream of discussimg DIY with.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 16/11/2011 18:21

I don't have any friends Sad actually that's not true, I have a friend I call my best friend as she is my oldest friend but we live 350 miles apart and rarely speak, I text ocaisionally and ring once in a while and almost always visit when I am visiting me home town, we have fun and say we are best friends we just are not together a lot. My DH is my best friend and I have a fiend where I live that I meet up with at times we have lots of acquaintances

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 16/11/2011 18:25

ooh it posted while I was editing Blush I have a friend not a fiend! and was going to say have friends that we meet up with but not anyone who feels special in any way , one woman friend where I kive now who I meet up with that is the nearest to a best friend but her DP is her BF too. I do sometimes feel a bit like I should have more.

confusedpixie · 16/11/2011 18:26

My DP was my best friend, then I started sleeping with him Wink

He's my only friend though, I don't really know what's normal but I'm sure that your DP is right about some people's DPs being their best friends!

SootySweepandSue · 16/11/2011 18:30

Funny...there is quite a few people who have said that being excluded as a teenager has dented their 'friendship making' potential. Definitely have this too largely by moving away. Pondering....

Goodynuff · 16/11/2011 18:30

I'm sat here reading this and getting all wet eyed Sad
I am lucky to have 2 best friends that are as close to me as my sister. I hang out with one of the friends a few times a week. The other lives a few hours away, but we call every week, and hang out once a month.
I am moving away at new years, and I am so sad to be leaving them.

FabbyChic · 16/11/2011 18:31

I don't have a best friend, haven't since I moved. I had one before I moved for 15 years. Miss it.

chimchar · 16/11/2011 18:33

i don't have many real friends...i know loads of people, and have lots of aquaintances, but am lacking in proper friends. i find i am called on if someone needs something, or it suits them...and i suppose i allow this to happen.

truthfully, dh is my best friend...i have been with him since i was a teen.

at social things, i often get that "lonely in a room full of people" feeling. i don't think anyone would ever know though...i hide it well.

this thread makes me feel sad, but actually, many of us seem to be in the same boat.

minxofmancunia · 16/11/2011 18:43

OP YANBU, I feel the same although I do have some lovely friends they wouldn't pick me as their "best". DH used to be mine but we've had a rough patch recently and I feel pretty lonely. Sad.

I've never been a bridesmaid or a Godparent and feel pretty awkward sometimes, most of my friends pre dc were blokes and I've never been on "girls nights" etc. Now we all have kids we have gender roles forced upon us more I think re "dads nights" and "mums nights" and I'm forced to socialise with the women more even though I feel like a fish out of water.

I was v v lonely as a teen and ended up with a right bunch of no hopers as no girls seemed to really want to hang round with me. I think this has made me quite shy and suspicious and I'm quite guarded now with friendships.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 16/11/2011 18:43

chimchar that sums it up for me, also I think we are not good at recognising the contribution we make, as I often say to dh perhaps we are guilty, all of us of assuming everyone has loads of friends / engagements / etc that they do outside of our relationship with them that we feel we are not important to them, when actually they possibly feel the same about us! whenever we invite people to something we get a fairly good response so probably I am a being a bit too precious about what constitutes a friend. having said that I am meeting my old BF from school when we were 14 soon after we reconnected which is scary but I am looking forward to.

Adversecamber · 16/11/2011 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flixy102 · 16/11/2011 18:54

I was just thinking about this last nite actually and feeling a bit sad about it but reading about all you lovely ladies being in the same boat makes me feel better!
I have a small group of friends who I've been best buds with since we were in school. But they all have other groups of friends with whom they socialise with without me and I'm the only one who doesn't. Sad It kinda makes me a bit sad but I realise that I actually wouldn't want it any other way-I'm not that sociable really and would rather have quiet nites in with DH (who is probably my best friend now) so having loads of friends would mean me having to go out lots more.

HairyBeaver · 16/11/2011 18:56

I'm the same no best friend Sad. Like others have a handful of close friends but they all have "best" friends. I suppose I'll just have to accept at 26 years old my DH is my best friend Blush

virgiltracey · 16/11/2011 18:59

anothoer one without a best friend. I had a best friend at Uni but we've drifted out of touch and that was 20 years ago now. I have friends at work and I get on with people at school but don't really have girlfriends. "we" as a couple socialise with other couples but that's it.

DottyandSpottyWot · 16/11/2011 19:13

I have lots of friends who I see on a regular basis, some from uni, some with kids the same age, my school pals who i get to have a wild night out with, I thought I had a best friend, but when she took me out for lunch & drinks in a really fancy restaurant and told me that I wasn't infact her best friend I realised that I've never been the person to be top of someones list to call IYKWIM! :(

jollymary · 16/11/2011 19:18

YANBU!!! Someone has voiced what I've thought, too............ Oh well. Must count blessings.

Jacksmania · 16/11/2011 19:19

I don't have a best friend either and I wish I did.

flixy102 · 16/11/2011 19:23

AIBU to count the dog as my BF?

Jacksmania · 16/11/2011 19:23

I had one but our friendship blew up spectacularly after I had DS. I don't miss her but I miss having a best friend :(

JeanBodel · 16/11/2011 19:25

I was just thinking this morning that I'll never be a bridesmaid! Which is a blessing.

Like Minx, my friends when I was a teenager tended to be male. Now they go to the pub while I hang out with their wives and all the kids.

I had best friends until I was 16, then the role of best friend got taken over by boyfriends, and that seems to be how it's ended up.

I am very lucky though in that I do have a large circle of good friends, who I know I could call on if I needed them. Just not one special one.

Thetallestsunflower · 16/11/2011 19:26

Me too-I am never short of friends to meet up for playdates with the kids but lately it has been bothering me that I actually don't have a best friend or even a circle of close friends like most people do. Also I seem to have a good social life with the kids but zero social life asside from the odd meal out with my husband sans kids
My best friend from before I had the kids and I have drfited apart as our lives have taken totally different directions.