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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not attend team Christmas meal at work?

74 replies

SnowDin · 16/11/2011 13:21

So, I work in a small team of 6 within a large corporation.

Team boss has made a big fuss about organising a team lunch for Christmas.

It's only going to be a sort of long lunch hour within a normal working day.

However, the team decision was to go for set 3 course meal at local posh place.

Plus doing Secret Santa at the meal, this is going to set me back about £50.

And therein lies the problem. I really CANNOT afford to spend that amount of money on a quick lunch.

Which puts me in a very difficult situation.

Do I a) try and scrape the money together (from nowhere), or b) speak up about it which will mean that on the day in question, team will all troop off to lunch and I will be left in office on my own.

OP posts:

Oblomov · 16/11/2011 15:48

Seems a shame. I love Christmas lunches. Have always paid for my own though and had management pay for the drinks. Sad that I won't be able to go to one this year.
Have you told your boss yet ? What did he say OP ?

omgomgomg · 16/11/2011 15:49

I would possibly ask to speak to your boss in private and then explain that this is embarrassing for you but you simply can't justify allocating that much of the family budget to one meal out for just yourself + secret santa present to take to the lunch do.

You could stress that this is in confidence and you will be very upset if others get to hear of the matter.

Your boss then has the problem of rescuing the situation for you.

However, if it is just a team of six are you not close enough to anyone in the team to say hang on a minute, £50 for a meal, sorry, no can do, not in the run up to Xmas, presents to buy etc etc etc.

VioletNotViolent · 16/11/2011 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ruddynorah · 16/11/2011 19:12

I'm the boss where I am and one of the team confided she couldn't afford to come, the only one out of 40 of us. I paid for her and said someone dropped out.

slavetofilofax · 16/11/2011 19:14

I think you have to talk to your boss and explain the situation. But it is up to you to grovel and apologise and act embarrased.

To be fair to your boss, you knew the plan months ago, it was arranged specifically to accomodate you, so it is understandable if he is a bit miffed after making extra effort to include you and giving you time to plan your finances.

Out of interest, if you said that it was your dc's Christmas play that day and didn't go, would you still have to pay a deposit cost?

pointydog · 16/11/2011 19:17

You should have said at the outset. Of course it's ok to say you can't afford a £50 lunch at Christmas.

Bestb411pm · 16/11/2011 19:22

I personally am very choosy about any work functions that I have to foot the bill for and usually the christmas dinner gets given the miss - it's just too close to other expenses to sink the money into for a meal I don't even really want.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to go to your boss and be incredibly apologetic but the fact is that you've had a couple of large unexpected bills crop up and you just can't justify it against providing your kids with a decent christmas.

As a compromise could you not stay in the secret santa and go meet them after the dinner for a couple of drinks?

cat64 · 16/11/2011 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 16/11/2011 19:29

Good for you ruddynorah - that's more like it !

I don't think you can say "it was arranged specifically for OP* because though boss checked date with OP did he really check venue or cost ?

pinkytheshrunkenhead · 16/11/2011 19:41

If you worked for my DH he would have paid for you. £50 for a lunch is a great deal of money.

raspberrytipple · 16/11/2011 19:43

Christ this is one of my pet hates about Christmas, spending money on stuff you really don't want to. If it's any consolation I've just pulled out of our team meeting and even though we were paying for ourselves I've said I don't feel comfortable because other teams are being made redundant. The actual reason is that I dont want to spend the money or any unnecessary time with people who, if I left tomorrow I would not even give a passing thought to. Be honest and say changing circumstances mean you can't afford it. It is difficult but you may feel worse if you go and are £50 down than you do if you pull out

Spermysextowel · 16/11/2011 20:30

To be fair to your colleagues, you were ok with the cost in Aug & they've chosen the date specifically so that you can go, so pulling a sickie may not go down well (at least some of them would be suspicious).

Explain to them that you've since had large expenses that make the meal unaffordable. That way they have the chance to either change venue or swap to a date that might better suit them, v likely one when you're not at work. That way you wouldn't be left in the office on your own.

Unless they do stick to original plan & wave goodbye as they exit...

Spermysextowel · 16/11/2011 20:33

BTW if I were your boss I'd pay for you! I'm p/t single parent too & it is difficult to fit in when your priorities are different from the child-free.

tentative123 · 16/11/2011 20:47

have you considered trying the waterworks with your boss? you know - I really want to come, its important to me but i'm so skint, tear sniff, I just cannot come and make my family eat baked beans on xmas day. Its hard to be angry with someone whos upset...?
/
Just a thought?

Oblomov · 16/11/2011 22:36

I'm really shocked at how many of you woudn't want to spend a minute more than you have to with these colleagues. We all know that work is very 'here and now' and once you leave, no one even remembers your name. And you don't have to be bosom buddies with these peole. But you spend more time at work than you do anywhere else, at home with your husband or your children. So it is kind of important that you work somewhere that you like, doing a job you enjoy, with people that you like.
How do you survive, if you hate these people so much? How do you do it?

cat64 · 16/11/2011 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

gaelicsheep · 16/11/2011 23:44

No way are you BU. I refuse to pay £15 for the office Christmas meal. I'd rather spend that on doing something with my family.

gaelicsheep · 16/11/2011 23:46

"I have never known a company organise a christmas meal and expect people to go if they are having to pay for it. The company should be paying for it. "

It's called the public sector, such freeloaders that we are. If we can't afford to go to the Christmas meal we're expected to be in the office manning the phones. I generally book the day on leave.

Spermysextowel · 17/11/2011 00:05

Oblomov - yes, a job that you enjoy is good, but 'With people that you like' is less likely You can't choose your colleagues. Unless you're in charge of hiring/firing. For some the idea of an enforced jolly is purgatory.

Also, assuming I have 'waking hours' of 15per day then the 28pw that I spend at work is bearable .

ruddynorah · 17/11/2011 09:27

Ours is entirely optional but we all pretty much get on so actually want to meet up and enjoy ourselves. We do this 4 times a year. There is also a free Christmas party where our department joins the other company departments for a dinner dance, but this is never as popular.

EricNorthmansMistress · 17/11/2011 09:34

You should have spoken up in the first place. Lots of places to Christmas set menus for around £16 and secret Santa should be limited to a fiver for work people. Letting them go along with booking a £50 lunch was foolish. You need to tell the boss now that unless the venue is changed and the budget set at £whatever you can't go.

Triggles · 17/11/2011 17:39

Is this one of those places where it's a set meal arrangement? Is there any way you can go along, get something simple, pay less, so you're still there, but not paying such a huge fee?

For what it's worth, I had this situation at a former workplace, and simply opted out of the meal and stayed behind at the workplace instead. A few made some unnecessary comments, but I simply pointed out that I would never criticise their decision to go, so I would appreciate it if they didn't criticise my decision NOT to go. I would never pay that kind of money for a workplace do, and certainly not one during lunch hour. I never go to work do's as I am there to work and will happily chat while I'm there, but once I'm off work, I'm OFF work, and have no desire to get together with coworkers and bosses. But that's just me.

thepollydoll · 17/11/2011 18:12

I hear you triggles

At work, I had a thick skin when it came to these things. They were colleagues and co-workers and even though I quite liked them, I didn't consider them to be friends in the true sense of the word. I rarely went to work "do's" as I wouldn't choose to socialise with them, I'd rather be with my friends and family.

Even if the lunch was cheaper, I wouldn't necessarily go if it was at my own expense. I would much rather choose to spend the money on the more important things in my life.

Perhaps that just makes me a bit of a meanie but my work was my work and my own time and money was for me to spend how I chose.

I think you should speak honestly with your boss about your predicament as any boss worth his salt will try and find a way to help.

Chrysanthemum5 · 17/11/2011 18:20

For the last few years my team has organised the Christmas lunch for our whole unit and we made a point of picking somewhere that everyone would have a nice lunch at a reasonable cost. The boss pays for all drinks so everyone knows upfront how much it will cost (and generally it is £20). Plus we get the afternoon off.

I think the problem for your boss is that it may be too late to get a new venue, or a deposit may have been paid. I think the cost is far too much, but you did go along with it at the time. If it didn't have the secret santa could you afford it?

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