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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about leaving 2 year old for 2 nights?

43 replies

Georgeous · 16/11/2011 09:56

I have 2 beautiful children, aged 5 and 2. I have been planning a girly weekend away with two very old school friends, but now it's imminent I find myself panicking about leaving DS who is 2. He is a very loving and secure little boy and am worried about the effect on him. I have spoken to various people who have all said that I am worrying unnecessarily, given that I am leaving kids with DH, and they are very close to him too. However, I have never left DS overnight before and I will be too far away to get home if he needs me. I am feeling torn, because if I cancel at this late stage then I will be letting my friends down. Any advice/opinions will be most gratefully received!

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 16/11/2011 10:04

YANBU, but I think you should go. Explain to him that you are going to go and do something really boring whilst he plays with daddy and his sister. Help him choose some stories for you to take with you, and read them down the phone to him at bedtime. If you both have video calls on your phone, that could be an option if he - or you! - gets too upset.

You will have a lovely time.

TroublesomeEx · 16/11/2011 10:05

Don't go. I don't think the children should be left with their dad/your husband under any circumstances, for any length of time. Particularly if they are beautiful and you are only going away for a 'girly weekend'....

Actually, no. Get over yourself and go. You are being very silly!

Enjoy yourself.

Original poster
Georgeous · 16/11/2011 10:10

Thanks ladies. I am thinking of trying to skype them once a day. I know it sounds ridiculous, but having read a lot about attachment etc. I am terrified of making a mistake. Oh the guilt! But it's not like I'm leaving them with a stranger......

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 16/11/2011 10:12

Its two days for heavens sakes, not two months. They are old enough to understand that you are going away and coming back, not leaving them!

It will do them no harm at all.

Mum1369 · 16/11/2011 10:14

Can almost guarantee they will not bat an eyelid ! It will be much worse for you! It always bad the first time, but once you know it's fine, you will be able to go away much more ! Ring them to say goodnight, and ring them first thing in the morning, it'll be fine. Tell DP to call you when they are asleep etc

BsshBossh · 16/11/2011 10:15

I've been away many times from my DD (3) now. Best tip is to make it matter of fact to your DC. A simple "I'm going away, Daddy's going to stay with you. I'll be back on Monday." I never call DD as it sometimes makes it worse for her. I also don't go on and on about my departure. I just say Bye bye see you on Monday. DH doesn't make a big deal of it either and they never "see me off" - I just go. DD is always absolutely fine. I often have a weep in the taxi though!

Go go go, you'll enjoy yourself and your DC will love the quality time with their Dad.

Original poster
Georgeous · 16/11/2011 10:16

I think that DD at 5 understand the concept of two nights, but not sure that 2 year old does. However, he knows that I am coming back (with presents!)

SirBoobAlot - just realised that I addressed you collectively as 'ladies', and you may be a man - sorry!

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 16/11/2011 10:19

YAButterlyU. You have misunderstood the concept of attachment if you think you will harm it by leaving them with their father for 2 nights. Get over yourself. Your poor husband! How do you think he feels, with you telling him you're the only important parent?

TroublesomeEx · 16/11/2011 10:22

Seriously OP, they will have a great time without you. Trust me. We go camping as a family, but also take the children camping on our own for a couple of nights and some 'quality' time. So, I'll take DD/DS away whilst DH stays at home with the other and vice versa. We get to have great adventures, have something to tell the others about. Whoever stays at home still has an adventure. Just a different one.

I left mine for a week a few years ago, DH made a video diary of the stuff they'd done whilst I was away. It was wonderful. They enjoyed telling me about it (well DD didn't, she was 1!) and I really enjoyed seeing that they'd all had a great time without me.

TroublesomeEx · 16/11/2011 10:23

What aspect is it of the 'attachment' that worries you?

BikeRunSki · 16/11/2011 10:24

I'd never left DS overnight, until last year when he was 2.2 and DH and I went to New York for 5 days (my 40th). It was my mum's idea and her treat. She came and stayed in our house with him. I "briefed" him well in advance that we would be going away, Granny would look after him, then we would come back, and he would do all his normal things. Mum said he asked after us once, she said we'd be back in "2 big sleeps" and that was it. He was very happy whilst we were away, and barely batted an eyelid when we got back! I think YABalittleU.

mumeeee · 16/11/2011 10:27

Go and enjoy yourself. Your DC's will be fine with your DH.

cookingfat · 16/11/2011 10:31

I found the thought of leaving my 9mo overnight hard, but enjoyed it, and don't think she even noticed. I also want to follow AP, but also want a child who knows that sometimes I go away, that I come back, and that it's not a bad thing.

When people (not you OP, just in general) say they couldn't leave their child overnight, it makes me a bit Hmm. What would happen if you had to go away for a night or a week, e.g. for hospital? Better to have toddler mindset of 'she goes, she returns, it's fine', rather than 'oh sweet lord, where is she?, panic'.

lelainapierce · 16/11/2011 10:34

Good grief, get a grip, woman!

Kveta · 16/11/2011 10:40

I had to go away for a week with work when DS was 18 months old. I managed to skype him once whilst I was away, due to the time difference/work commitments.

He had a brilliant time with DH, and the childminder when DH was at work, and when we went to pick him up when I got back, he gave me the biggest, clingiest, cuddle ever. Then ran off to play with his toys :o

he has not been harmed by it, so far as I can tell! And I had a great time at the conference I went to, so it was all good!

cory · 16/11/2011 10:42

Georgeous Wed 16-Nov-11 10:10:23
"Thanks ladies. I am thinking of trying to skype them once a day. I know it sounds ridiculous, but having read a lot about attachment etc. I am terrified of making a mistake."

Don't forget that their attachment to their dad is equally important.

(besides, noone has their attachment damaged by being away from their carer for 2 nights at the age of 2)

SomekindofSpanish · 16/11/2011 10:45

Go Smile. Have you never left your 5 year old, when she was younger, overnight with her dad?

DH and me went off to Morrocco for 4 nights( my 40th), leaving DS1 (8), DS2 (4) and DS3 (2) with my sister and mum. They were fine, but we have left them overnight before - sleepover with my nephews, etc.

SomekindofSpanish · 16/11/2011 10:46

Oops, not sure if your DC one is a DD..

gemmummy · 16/11/2011 10:48

i left my ds aged 10 months for 4 months. He was fine. Have left him again a lot over the years. He is now 4. And absolutely fine.

worraliberty · 16/11/2011 10:50

I wouldn't Skype them unless absolutely necessary.

You may end up inadvertently upsetting them. I remember playing happily at school and then seeing my Mum walk past on her way home from shopping. I waved, she waved back and then I burst into tears as she walked away.

Up until that point, I hadn't even been thinking about her.

Go and enjoy yourself. Let your kids enjoy some special time with their Dad.

MmeLindor. · 16/11/2011 10:53

Go.

Seriously, they will have a ball, you will have a great time and everyone will be happy.

Don't skype with them. Get your DH to phone you once a day when the DC are in good moods/fed/happy/not tired. If you phone at the wrong time then you might just catch them at the moment that your DH has told your DS he cannot jump on the sofa, and he will be grumpy and teary.

What is it that worries you? That you will damage their attachment to you? That is daft, you know. Many parents have to work away from their DC for days (or even weeks) at a time and have a close relationship with their DC.

notso · 16/11/2011 10:53

Go, it will be good for all of you.

I wouldn't skype tbh, sometimes seeing the absent person can make them realise someone was missing and you could make them upset when they were not going to be.
I went on a hen weekend when DS2 was 7months, I nearly pulled out but DH persuaded me to go and sent me regular photos of how much DS2 was not missing his Mum!

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 16/11/2011 10:59

Your DCs will be fine.

Your DH will cope beautifully.

You are going to have a fantastic weekend away.

So just go.

:o

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 16/11/2011 11:00

But don't Skype them because everybody will get upset.

valiumredhead · 16/11/2011 11:01

Get a grip, go and don't skype there really is no need.