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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think SOMEONE must be able to help a desperate child?

263 replies

crispface · 15/11/2011 20:01

am posting this on behalf of another mumsnetter whose son lost his favourite monkey over 2 years ago, and still cries for him.

The monkey has been discontinued by the white company, and no amount of desperate searches can help.

Now mumsnet is a big old world - can ANYONE help a poor little lad and make his christmas?

picture here

OP posts:

MissBetsyTrotwood · 17/11/2011 19:03

Yes, this is a 'Bella did a very kind thing' moment. 'Dogger' always made me get teary, even as a child.

Lovely thread.

exoticfruits · 17/11/2011 19:12

I think it is very sad if a DC doesn't get attached to a toy. I don't know many who would think 'any teddy will do'.

Sleepyspaniel · 17/11/2011 19:19

Mamamoomin, why don't you agree with kids getting emotionally attached to objects?

mamamoonmim · 17/11/2011 19:19

I just think it's weird when people try to encourage you to give your baby a 'special blanky' that they will rely on to feel comfortable.
My kids have never gotten emotionally attached to any piece of fabric, they had me to lay with them in bed and such.

It's just a bit alien to me.

mamamoonmim · 17/11/2011 19:23

I recall learning in psychology of experiments where chimps became emotionally attached to stuffed objects, were their mother was absent. Seems a bit heart breaking.

CheerfulYank · 17/11/2011 19:24

I've never read Dogger! Looks like a winner though.

travellingwilbury · 17/11/2011 19:25

mama , my first son wasn't too fussed about such things , however my second child has a favourite bear and he would not be happy if it went walkabout ,my third however tends to use any teddy that happens to be nearby .

Children are different ,some care about such things and others don't . But for the ones that do care about small cuddly things it is lovely that the grown ups around them give a shit too .

maxybrown · 17/11/2011 19:26

You know, my DS is not really attached to anything. He has a special bear, he knows mummy and daddy bought it for him as his first bear and a special monkey we rescued from a charity shop. he never ever asks for them, BUT they always end up in his bed, he never ever takes them out or would think to do so, yet they always end up on holiday with us! And if you saw them, they have the look of being dragged everywhere but they haven't! But it's prob a bit different in our house as our bears are real and they were rescued from shops so that they didn't become slaves - so you see, we are all truly mad anyway .......

4madboys · 17/11/2011 19:29

my elder 2 boys never had comfort objects other than my breasts! but ds3 has a toy dog called frisbee that he loves and ds4 has his 'diddies' which are cellular blankets, he had three to begin with but two are his faves, a blue one that it a raggedy holey mess and alittle cream one that is also getting a bit tatty, he LOVES them, sucks his thumb, wraps himself up and twiddles with them, they are very special to him and he has them everynight in bed, he used to take them out with him but doesnt very often now (he is 3yrs old) we didnt 'make' him like them, just used them in bed at night and he just grew attached to them, they make him happy so they make me happy.

dd who is 11mths has 3 comforters, but only uses one at a time, they are all the same, a bit like taggies but made by a friend out of one of my old flannelette sheets, i got her to make three so we had spares, again she sleeps with them and has one that she can take out with her.

i think there is actually research to show that it is good for a child to have 'transitional' comfort object, esp if they have to spend time away or to help them settle to sleep. dd is in our bed, but still has her comforter :)

did they find a monkey btw? havent read the whole thread!

4madboys · 17/11/2011 19:29

and dogger is a fabulous story, my boys love it and i had it read to me as a child!

spiderpig8 · 17/11/2011 19:30

I am with them I'm afraid.Maybe I'll come across as a hard old cow but I'm a bit about a 4 yo desperate and still crying over a toy he lost 2 yrs ago as a 2 YO. I very much doubt he actually remembers it much.I suspect this is 'professional' grief kept going by his mother.

LadyFlumpalot · 17/11/2011 19:40

MissMap! Dogger! I MUST go and read that again!

I am actually crying....

Now if someone could just find my GummiBear that I lost in Heelas in Reading when I was 5? Please?

Yay for happy endings!

4madboys · 17/11/2011 19:50

just read back, YAY they have found one!!

i must be a sucker cos i love a happy ending and i have just ended up getting a bear sent over from america for my 3yr old for xmas, he is DESPERATE for a particular lotso bear that it out of stock in all the disney shops in the uk, got one from amazon but it was the wrong one so had to send it back, they are going for silly prices on ebay, so i got an aunt in america to buy one, she is picking it up tomorrow and posting it over to me!! i now know i will have one VERY happy little boy on xmas day

jennifersofia · 17/11/2011 19:58

I think whether or not a child becomes attached to a toy purely depends on the personality of the child. I have 2 dc who would be happy with a changing assortment of soft toys, and 1 dc who took to her bunny from a very young age, to the point that she said to me the other day, very seriously (she is 9), that when she died, she would like to be buried with her arms crossed with her bunny on her chest. (weep emoticon!) To her, her bunny is a very very real friend and important character in her life. If it gives comfort, why not?

DogStinkhorn · 17/11/2011 20:03

Spiderpig, yet again you post a really offensive and insensitive comment. What a fucking surprise.

SarahStratton · 17/11/2011 20:14

Ahh spiderpig, I still remember my pink cat I lost when I was 3. Maybe you never had a treasured toy.

worzelswife · 17/11/2011 20:22

Very pleased there will be a reunion. I wish I could be a fly on your wall on Christmas day!
I lost a much treasured teddy given to me the day I was born aged about 5 or 6. Cried my eyes out for years whenever I thought about it. I can remember the heartache, so I'm glad this time there's a happy ending.

exoticfruits · 17/11/2011 21:32

I find it laughable that people think that adults can 'make' a DC be attached to a piece of fabric or toy. They are individuals and they make the choice themselves. Some are and some are not. It isn't a mother substitute. I think that it generally denotes an imaginative, caring DC-one who isn't going to just drop the old for the new.
I think that anyone who can't understand that must be lacking in imagination or empathy or just think throwing money at it and buying new solves things.

CheeseAndBunion · 17/11/2011 23:08

I've just come back on to this thread and I can't believe the number of posts. Such kind messages and great stories. Thank you all, you've said some lovely things and I can't believe how many people have got caught up in my monkey mission. 'Stripes' is indeed going to make his reappearance on Xmas day, wrapped and addressed to my son and Dad, in a stocking all of hos own, hidden slightly up the chimney with 'Special Delivery' written on. I'll post all the soppy details after the reunion. Sparrow, thank you so much for your kind offer too.

I know not everyone will understand why I did this but to me it's less about the amount of grief my DS experienced losing the teddy and far more about the level of happiness finding him will bring. Thank you all for making that happen.

birdynumnums · 18/11/2011 01:16

This is such a lovely story. Can't wait for the Christmas update. The way you are giving him 'Stripes' back sounds magical and I'm sure your son will always remember it.

I totally get why you did this. My son became attached to a teddy aged 4 months. It was meant to be a decorative item on his shelf. By 6 months, he would not sleep unless we put it in his cot. He is 3.4 now and I know he would remember it had he lost it aged 2.

spiderpig8 · 18/11/2011 09:59

I was a liitle sad that none of my DCs had a blanky or special toy they couldn't be parted from.It is so cute.But my child psychiatrist friend has told me it's a sign of a well-adjusted child!!

kitbit · 18/11/2011 10:20

hardboiledpossum · 18/11/2011 11:14

spiderpig I think it's actually the opposite, being attached to a toy IS the sign of a well adjusted child. At least that is what I remember from my Psychology degree.
Anyway I'm very pleased that Stripy has been found.

spiderpig8 · 18/11/2011 11:17

Ah right well I'm seeing her tonight I'll tell this consultant of C&A psychiatry she has been put straight by a MNer! I'm sure she will be grateful for your insight

exoticfruits · 18/11/2011 16:01

I am convinced that it is a sign of a well adjusted DC in that they get the choice and the parents let them do it without trying to influence either way. One of mine had a blanket, one didn't have anything and one had his thumb and I would say that they are equally well adjusted.

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