Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to want to know what's in XH father's (dec) will

31 replies

onmythirdglass · 15/11/2011 19:06

Brief background: divorced from XH 10 years ago. 2 DC, never one penny from XH towards them, has even evaded CSA. I always kept on good terms with XH widowed father in spite of the divorce (because I cared about him, he was good to me and he was DCs grandfather), over the years wrote him many letters, sent photos, occasional phone calls, etc. He is/was in a far away country.

About five years ago he told me he had disowned XH, because of all the bad things he had done (no argument there) and that he had left his son's share (my XH) of his estate to my DC instead, skipping over the generation of his own son.

Sadly my XFIL has died two weeks ago. XH brother kept me informed, I sent a tribute from me and DC to the funeral; XH wasn't even informed his father died. My DS had to tell him.

Now, can I ask XH brother about the will? I don't want to seem grasping, and for me the most important thing is grieving my XFIL, and I absolutely want to respect that for all the family. But if he did go ahead with what he said 5 yrs ago, this would be a massive help to me and the DC now, so I would like to know. But I can't think how it would be appropriate to ask. It hasn't been mentioned... but maybe that's because DXBIL who IS the executor is still grieving and hasn't started to deal with this yet. Could the delay be because XH brother does not want me to know (this would not totally surprise me)?

WWYD? I am really in a dilemma.

OP posts:

LisaD1 · 15/11/2011 19:09

Sorry for your loss.

It has only been 2 weeks, the will may not have even been read yet and with arranging the funeral etc your ex BIL would have had plenty on his hands as it is.

Personally, I would wait to hear and certainly not be relying on any money now, youe ex fil may have left it to your DC and he may well have left it in trust until they are 18 anyway.

Pakdooik · 15/11/2011 19:10

You could enquire on behalf of your children - nowt wrong with that

JaneFonda · 15/11/2011 19:11

How do you and XBIL get on?

pinkhebe · 15/11/2011 19:11

I'd wait. If he's left you anything you'll be told.

Beamur · 15/11/2011 19:14

I think if he has honoured his word to you, then you will be contacted. It's still quite early days for the will to have been sorted. Your BIL has your details and can contact you.

Original poster

onmythirdglass · 15/11/2011 19:15

I get on fine with XBIL and always have, but it's a question of distance (also far away land), so the contact was very infrequent. Which is why I don't want to suddenly seem like I'm banging my royal flush down on the table and saying "I win, where's the dosh?". It just seems very improper to me, but at the same time, XFIL did say he was accounting for the DCs, and so I would like to know... but without being grasping.

OP posts:

Esta3GG · 15/11/2011 19:18

They will contact you if the DC have been left anything.

MotherPanda · 15/11/2011 19:18

I would say give it a couple more weeks - if they have a solicitor they'll need time to look over things.

mummakaz · 15/11/2011 19:23

I wouldn't ask tbh as it's only been 2 weeks. I would at least leave it a few months before asking but thats just my opinion.

Also you may not get the money now, he may have wanted saving accounts opened for your dc for when their 18 as an example, which obviously you won't know until you have seen the will. IMO if you ask so soon about the money it will be seen as grasping

AngelofTheLordiscomingDown · 15/11/2011 19:24

Wait. Wait. If your DC(s) has/have been left anything, you will be told. Have you moved house since your XFiL spoke to you? If so, let your XBiL know your new address to enable the Executor(s) know where you are.

If you hear nothing for, say, 2 months, write to the Probate Registry in York and ask for a ciopy of the will, giving the name of deceased, date of death and place of death. It cost me £5 each time I've done it. If, after 2 momths, they cannot give you a copy, try again a momth later. Having said all that, it is not the Law to prove a will so a copy might well not be available.

Perhaps wait until things have calmed down and settled somewhat and then ask your XBi if you think he's the sort to help you.

But if you haven't heard anything from the Executor after, say, 2 or 3 months, there will probably be nothing there for your DC.

PigletJohn · 15/11/2011 19:25

Once Probate has been granted, you can buy a copy of the grant and will. Anyone can. Name, address and date of death, is all you need. It costs £6

Most of the searches Google shows will be agencies hoping to make a profit instead of you going direct to here

you can get a copy of your great-great-grandad's will, or mine, if you feel like it.

HintofBream · 15/11/2011 19:26

You can apply to the probate registry in the county in which probate was granted for a copy of the will, as wills are public documents. It may take a while for the will to be available, but if you are left in the dark it is an option.

PigletJohn · 15/11/2011 19:27

oops... you say "He is/was in a far away country." so it will be different. If you divulge the name of the country someone may know.

squeakytoy · 15/11/2011 20:03

I would approach it as if you already know about it to be honest... along the lines of..

"is there anything you need me to sign on behalf of the boys... "

mayorquimby · 15/11/2011 20:18

how old are your kids?
Just asking because you said it would be a big help to you and if they are young you should prepare yourself for him having left them something on trust for when they reach the age of majority or perhaps for a specific purpose e.g. education.

redwineformethanks · 15/11/2011 20:22

Definitely wait. They know where you are. It's only been 2 weeks. You'll find out soon enough. Depending where he died a will cutting out one of his children may not be valid

zipzap · 15/11/2011 20:37

pigletjohn I really hope that we can't get a copy of your probate granted will :) !! That would be turning this into ghostnet and that's a whole new set of contributors level of weird to get into...

Sorry op for detour from your serious post. Sorry to you and you dc on the loss of their grandfather.

Original poster

onmythirdglass · 15/11/2011 20:56

Thanks for all this. The far-away-land is Australia. I didn't know you could get a copy of anyone's will. I just want to say again, I am really sad about the loss of XH father/DC grandfather. It's not like I was just waiting for him to die... far from it. But my DC have needs with their education at the moment I am really struggling to meet - computers, software, that kind of thing. They are are college, so it would be really helpful for them, and I would just like to know.

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 15/11/2011 21:13

Which state in Australia? You can say that much without outing yourself and somebody can then probably tell you where to write and how long to give it. Paying the fee may be awkward unless you can do it online.

PigletJohn · 15/11/2011 22:15

zipzap

One day, one day.

whatdoiknowanyway · 15/11/2011 23:05

2 weeks is very little time.
We have a similar situation. My dad died 11 months ago. My DNs have been told by us that they have a legacy but none of know quite how much yet as all the costs from house sale etc have to be sorted out and our solicitors are frustratingly slow.
The funeral will barely be past. Give it a bit more time before chasing.

squeakytoy · 15/11/2011 23:22

As I suggested, if you speak to the brother, just gently ask during the conversation if there is any paperwork that you will need to sign for him. That way there will be no doubt over whether you are aware of the content of the will or not.

I wouldnt wait too long to find out, because things have to be done anyway, bank accounts have to be sorted, and solicitors have to be notified. If the estate is straightforward it could be sorted out quickly in any case.

mynewpassion · 16/11/2011 01:42

If you ask the X-BIL, you will come off as being greedy and mercenary in the face of their loss.

And, if your children is named in the will, you will be contacted.

Morloth · 16/11/2011 02:39

I would leave it. I think Australian probate law is very similar to UK so you will be contacted if the children have been named in the will.

There is no way for you to ask without sounding grasping, because it is a bit grasping to ask someone about money 2 weeks after their father has died.

iscream · 16/11/2011 03:11

I don't recommend contacting them. A will is a legal document and you will be contacted if your children are in the will, or if they are of age, they will be contacted.

Flip

1 2