MIL

[BenRoo]

My MIL usually has my DS on a Tuesday,she has her other grandson on a Monday.
The other grandson has tonsillitis. He usually goes to nursery on a Tuesday.
I'm anticipating he'll be there in the morning,although my DH has just asked what's likely to happen and she's said he'll still be going to nursery.
AIBU to be pissed off if he IS there tmrw?
Surely his Mummy should take the day off to look after him...
And I don't want my DS getting poorly!!!!!

what googietheegg said. How ungrateful.

Irrespective of whether the inflammation is caused by virus or bacteria, tonsillitis is contagious. It is often spread by coming in contact with the nasal or throat fluids of someone who is already infected. So it is very important on the part of the parents to keep the glasses, plates and other utensils of the infected child separately or else it can spread to other children as well

I just googled.

I think YOU should take the day off OP if you are worried about it.

Why with Mummy? why not with Daddy? Why is grandparent not acceptable person to look after a sick child?

When DS is too ill to go to nursery, unless I thought he needed to go to hospital, he's usually with either MIL, my DM or DH. I trust all 3 of them to provide good care for my child.

Your MIL has agreed to be your SIL's back up childcare, you have to accept that if you want to accept her giving you free childcare for your DS. If you don't consider that to be acceptable, then you should send your DS to paid childcare.

Are there only women in your family?

Your parenting decision is fine and a matter for you alone.

But to "be pissed off if he IS there tmrw" is VVU.

What are you going to do if/when you have 2 DC and one of them is ill?

When I have 2 DC I will deal with the situation and it will be my decision for my children not someone else deciding for my childrens health and wellbeing.

My boss told me once that if the dc's were sick I would have to get alternative cover as she couldn't do without me at short notice. Now, I wasn't sure if this was technically even legal for to her to say but it has always put me under huge pressure to turn up for work regardless of whether my children had the bubonic plague or not!
MIL looks after my children in emergency situations since she retired.

Yes and why not with Daddy?

No there are men too.

I was willing to take the day off to look after my child.

Yabu. Your MIL isn't under any obligation to prioritise your childcare needs over her other dcs childcrare needs. If your MILs childcare isn't up to your spec then you can always use paid childcare where dcs with tonsillitis will be sent to Grandma's home.

I'm probably pissed off at both MIL & SIL in all honesty for a host of other reasons.

I am more than aware of infectious diseases and how to deal with them accordingly,I work in a hospital.

My google post wasn't directed at you OP - it was for the posters who weren't sure if tonsillitis is infectious.

I wouldn't worry just ask that they don't get too close.

Apologies valiumredhead

YABVU

You are right - it is your parenting decision whether your child goes to share free childcare with a sick child. If you make the decision that he does not then it is up to you to sort out any consequences of your parenting decision, not turn it into a parenting demand that impacts on others.

Your recent post says "and it will be my decision for my children not someone else deciding for my childrens health and wellbeing." But you want others to change their decisions about their child's health and well-being to fit in around what you want for your child.

I don't think you have any right to be pissed off with your MIL or your SIL and you would be very unwise to let any hint of your feelings slip to them. These things happen and you can't dictate how they should be managed - all you can do is make your own decisions accordingly.

In any event, you have got what you want, haven't you?

Well that's fine OP but you can't expect to have all of the decisions your own way when you are relying on someone else for (free) childcare.

googietheegg I think it is the responsibility of the parent of the sick child to take the day off work, not the parent of the perfectly healthy child! Why would it be any other way! If your child is in nursery you keep them home when they are sick, you don't send them in anyway and expect all the other nursery kids to be kept home do you!

Whose - that would be the case if the child is at a regulated facility. In this situation, its at the discretion of the MIL. If she's willing to look after both children, then she can.

If one of the mothers don't like the decision, they can find other childcare alternatives.

I think it would of been fairer for me to of been told...instead of having to ask when i dropped my DS off so I could of had the opportunity to make other arrangements...

mynewpassion . . . or the one with the sick child can do the right and accepted thing of taking the day off work to look after their own child rather then leaving another parent with a very difficult choice - either expose their child to a painful illness or find other childcare at very short notice. IMO the responsibility lies with the parent of the child that is sick, not with the parent of every other child they might come into contact with.

so what happened?

I spoke to my SIL to ascertain how poorly her LO actually was. She'd been up all night with him,spiking temp,clammy etc etc
I asked whether he was going to nursery. She said 'no I'm taking him round to Mums' (MIL's)
I said that I'd rather my DS didn't catch it whatever it was so i'd try and arrange alternative care or not go to work myself, she said 'sorry' and 'ok'
I phoned MIL (to say i was coming to pick him up) who told me they'd already discussed it and my SIL was trying to arrange alternative care for her LO.
Her LO went to his Gt Aunts,my LO stayed with his Nanny and went to the zoo!
'as its his day with his Nanny' MIL's words.
I do feel for her as she's caught in the middle,wanting to do the best for both her grandsons.

You got what you wanted then. Presumably you'll take the day off if your child is poorly, or will you expect him to still go to your MiL's and then post about your unreasonable SiL phoning to check up on how ill he really is? As Gloria Estefan once said, it cuts both ways.

googietheegg I am sure she would take the day off if her child was sick and it was the other childs day at nans. Not really sure why you think the OP is such an arsehole, perhaps because I pointed out how ridiculous your argument was?

YABU and you sound very entitled, sorry.

It's up to your MIL what she does, and I want your job, where you can take time off to be with your child and never feel conflicted that you're needed in work.

Oh, and the child does not need to be with their Mummy per se, they need to be with an adult who is fit to take care of them. Why can't their Daddy take time off work?

"not someone else deciding for my childrens health and wellbeing"

If you don't want someone else deciding about your child's wellbeing then it's a bit odd to delegate care of him to someone else imo.