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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'Wake up baby!' Not so much AIBU as what would you have said?

128 replies

everybodysang · 14/11/2011 15:27

Took the morning off work today as I had an appointment in town with 10 month old DD. Once we had done that I was walking around town with her and she fell asleep in her pushchair. She's usually in a sling and doesn't often fall asleep in the pushchair so I was delighted, especially as she had a terrible night last night and we've both got a cold - I thought, ooh, I can sit down and have a coffee and read my book for half an hour.
Went into coffee shop, ordered coffee, waiting in queue for coffee to be made - still delighted that she was sound asleep. Small boy, I think around 3.5/4 suddenly ran up to us, ran round the pushchair, leaned in and SCREAMED in her face 'Wake up baby! Wake up!' and then ran off again. DD woke up, screaming and terrified. I looked round to see where the little boy had gone, and he was standing by his mum a few people behind me in the queue. I caught her eye and she kind of shrugged at me, laughed and said 'oh, he's always doing that.'
That was it. I got my coffee but poor DD was inconsolable so had to throw it down my neck and leave almost straight away. She cried the whole way home on the bus.
I know young kids do impulsive things, he was only small so I don't really have a problem with him actually having done it - though obviously I wish he hadn't - but I just sort of gawped at his mum, and I wished I'd had a good comeback. Wouldn't you apologise if your child did this? What would you have said to her?

OP posts:

Miette · 14/11/2011 18:58

Maybe one day she will have another baby and when she's finally managed to get it to sleep her son will shout "WAKE UP BABY!!" and she will think back to all the times her son did it to other babies...

thestringcheesemassacre · 14/11/2011 19:03

Lebof said what I wanted to say. Fucking mental. Poor you.

Andrewofgg · 14/11/2011 19:08

If he's always doing that then his mother should do without her bloody coffee until he is fit to take into Starbucks. YANBU. Foul woman - her, not you!

ledkr · 14/11/2011 19:11

my dd is 9 months and i even pull her away saying a firm "no" when she tries to poke the eye of another baby at baby group. You dont just let them do anything at any age.

TandB · 14/11/2011 19:11

Well done for not screaming hysterically at her and stomping out in tears.

On the bus today I was mulling over the fact that no-one ever seems to just say "sorry" for the children's behaviour anymore. The other day a boy of about 8 lauched the car door open full force and smacked the side of my car in the car park. His mother flapped at him but didn't apologise. And when I walked around to see if there was any damage she actually tutted and rolled her eyes at me. No apology.

On the bus this afternoon a woman with two girls of about 6 and 8 who were messing about and ignoring everything she said - they kept wrestling each other and the bigger one kept deliberately falling backwards onto a seat and pulling the smaller one on top of her - every time she did it she was half lying on a woman holding a very small baby who finished up having to use her arm to try to fend the girls off the baby. Again, the mother flapped a bit "ooh, there is a baby, ooh mind out" but never actually tried to stop them. And of course, never said sorry.

No child behaves perfectly all the time, and no parent gets it right all the time, but for me, the instinctive first words out of my mouth when DS annoys or inconveniences someone are "oh good grief, I'm so sorry" or words to that effect.

And yet I can't remember the last time another parent said "sorry" for anything their child did. In fact many seem to take the view that attack is the best form of defence - tutting and huffing at anyone unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of their child's bad behaviour.

Clearly from the comments on this thread I never encounter MNetters on a daily basis or I would be hearing more apologies!

MissHonkover · 14/11/2011 19:16

YANBU for being upset and annoyed at the vile indulgent mother and her screeching brat. I would have flounced out and then wept.

However, YABU for thinking it's Christmas already.

lockets · 14/11/2011 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hannah31 · 14/11/2011 19:23

As the (stupid) other Mum, I would've bollocked the boy, made him say sorry and said sorry A LOT myself. As you, I would've walked out and cried outside (yes, I am a total wimp). I HATE parents laughing or being totally ineffectual at bloody rude behaviour! I could easily go off on a 'that's what's wrong with society today' rant.

SarfEasticated · 14/11/2011 19:31

makes me feel a bit teary just reading this (and my dd is 4!) I still remember the utter relief when she had a nap... poor you

lifechanger · 14/11/2011 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocablock · 14/11/2011 19:56

Agree with happyhorse a child of four should have been taught not to shout in babys faces. I would be so mortified if i was his mother and would be apologising profusely.

Reminds me a bit of when we had some friends with their 15 month old over and the boy was allowed to run round the house jumping on the chairs, he smashed one of my dd's toys then threw his plastic lunchbox into her cot (she was 6 months old) and it hit her on the leg (could have hit her on the head). needless to say we won't be inviting them round again. Oh and yes I did try to tell the child off but the parents seemed to shrug it off and see it as 'normal'!

JjandtheBeanplusPud · 14/11/2011 20:11

YANBU!

And sorry at 3.5/4 they're not still 'learning' to the degree that shouting in someones face is something to brush of as 'he's little' I've got a 3 and a 4yr old, they have never randomly shouted at anyone or anything --maybe in rage at a stupid mummy-- and I've worked in two preschools and never witnessed such stupid behaviour.

I'd have been fuming and that mother would have known it!

JjandtheBeanplusPud · 14/11/2011 20:13

And ditto pps, if they ever did something like this I would appolagise, make them too, and probably have paid for your coffee, then left to have stern words with them.

blackoutthesun · 14/11/2011 20:15

yanbu

i would have gone mental at the mother and the child, so you're a better woman then me!

and if my dd ever dared to do something like that then she would be out of that shop so fast that her feet would'nt touch the floor

i'm so angry on your behalf

skybluepearl · 14/11/2011 22:07

I have a 3 year old and he would have just peeped quietly at baby and asked if he could hold it's hand. He's old enough to know how to behave. Mother really should have given naughty boy time out. I think you were with in your rights to tell him off.

smallwhitecat · 14/11/2011 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

smallwhitecat · 14/11/2011 22:30

This reply has been deleted

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Xmasbaby11 · 14/11/2011 22:32

I'd love to think I'd have had a word with the mother, but in reality I'd probably have given her a frosty glare and then burst into tears.

LeBOF · 14/11/2011 22:36

One parent's little scamp is a stranger's little shit, though. If you've got a child liable to behave like that in a public place, you really should keep them close to you, not just let them run round upsetting people and treat it all with a mild eye-roll.

perfumedlife · 14/11/2011 22:38

smallwhitecat, I'm intrigued that you say you wouldn't 'let' the op tell your child off, largely because she wouldn't know how to do in effectively. Given your ds does it to your dd, it sounds like your telling offs are not exactly effective either.

If a four year old, or thereabouts, did that to my baby, I wouldn't require the parents permission to tell him off. Or is the 'it takes a villiage' claptrap only wheeled out when we want favours like playdates and so on?

DoMeDon · 14/11/2011 22:40

Just wondering how you would stop a stranger telling him off small? Would it not be over before you got the chance? Surely you wouldnlt undermine another adult repremanding a child who was behaving inappropraitely?

Hotpotpie · 14/11/2011 22:50

I would be beyond embarrassed had my four year old step daughter behaved like that, and she would know not too- she would definately be disciplined for that and made to be say sorry - what a lousy day!

babybythesea · 14/11/2011 22:51

PrincessTamTam:
"You know what this is? It's laziness, I'm sorry but it can be hard work repeatedly showing a small child how to behave properly, warning them what will happen when they don't and then following through every time.

Some parents just can't be arsed to do this and then everyone else - including the poor OP - has to suffer. It isn't the child's fault it's the piss poor parent's."

Perfectly said!
It is hard work trying to correct a willful toddler. It takes some effort to sit through a tantrum, trying to ignore it, because you did what you said you would. It is not nice to see your child standing with tears running down their face because you followed through with a threat (If you shout at me like that again, we're packing up your farm for the rest of the evening). I don't like it but after months of battles we are finally gettting dd to see we mean what we say. We don't have many rules, and are fairly relaxed, but when we say no, we mean no, and if she refuses to comply, we will dish out the consequence we said we would. And now, I can mostly get her to co-operate (she's not quite 3 so it's still a bit hit and miss). Get very annoyed when people say 'Oh you're lucky - she's so easy'. Luck??? No, love. Months of hard work and tears (mostly her, some mine!). You can't be bothered to put the effort in? You're not unlucky, just lazy.

bringmesunshine2009 · 14/11/2011 22:55

YANBU FURY I that was my DS I would have MORTIFIED

blackoutthesun · 14/11/2011 22:59

smallwhitecat well your way doesn't seem to be working does it?

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