How good am I? I washed YOUR dishes, I cleaned YOUR bathroom, I hoovered and mopped YOUR floors!

[Bellatrix99]

Arrrrgggghhhhhh, if I hear these words from DH once more I am going to thump him!
Are these things not his as well? Why is everything in the house mine?
I hung up YOUR clothes?? When most probably the whole wash load was his and DS and I might have had one top in it.
And to top it off he does these things once every month and then I have to listen to it the rest of the month. He thinks fairies lift his dirty socks of the floor elves clean the kitchen every day.

Why not write him a letter from the fairies listing all the things you have done today? Then send a fairy invoice.

Every time he says it, don't say anything, but give him a rousing round of applause. He'll get the message.

I'm sure if you ask him nicely he'll stop doing all those things. Maybe you could suggest he just sits on the sofa? Or maybe there's a pub he could go to to get out of your way?

(YANBU really, he shouldn't use the language, but if that's really the biggest problem you have I wouldn't worry about it - surely him not doing stuff would be worse?)

"That's great darling, now, I'm about to go soak in my bath, your son needs his dinner, feel free to use my kitchen and my groceries to do that. Be sure to clean up your mess afterwards."

My DH calls the bedroom my room!

Ok, I know DH does slightly more than most, which I am grateful for, but we both work and we both look after DS on different days so he has to pull his weight. It's only fair.
It's the running commentary of what he has done, and he only does it if I tell him. The clothes could sit in the washing machine for a week and he would not put them on the line. He'll do it if I say and then it's, I hung your washing out! Is this only me and my DH?
I put things on the bottom stair for the next person to take upstairs with them. He'll walk past them everytime!

Rhubarb0 - so what is the going rate on the fairy pricelist for mumsnetting all morning?

bellatrix it's not just you! It's my mess, and my dcs when they're playing up, it's my washing and my dishwasher etc.

Yet the other day when we were having a heated disagreement it was his house and his money (I'm a sahm). I don't think he'll be repeating that in a hurry...

Write a long list, in Excel, of all household chores and errands. Do a separate list for child-related activities. Segment your list by frequency of task (several times a day/daily/twice weekly/weekly/monthly/termly/annually or whatever other frequency is appropriate).

Sit down with two copies each. Ask your DH to put a red cross by the tasks he currently owns and to put a green cross by the tasks you currently own.

Discuss the fairness of the sharing of domestic and childcare tasks.

Re-negotiate allocation on second copy of the lists!

I dunno Widow, you'd have to ask my Mumsnet fairy

Bonsoir that sounds like too much work!! :)
Plus, I'm ok really with the amount DH does. If I am too tired he steps up and will do everything. I just have to hear about it for the next week!
And also, I take nothing to do with the garden. That's all his :D

Buttonmoon lol. What did you say to your DH that's he'll not be forgetting soon?

Why don't you do the same? He'll get the message

My DH says, "I loaded the dishwasher for YOU" or "I put on the wash for YOU". Drives me up the wall.

That sounds a bit weird to me. My partner definitely wouldn't say that. The bedroom is the bedroom, the bathroom is the bathroom, the washing machine is the washing machine etc. Clearly he thinks the housework is your responsibility.

AntsMarching - does your husband not want his clothes clean or to eat off clean plates then?

Antsmarching that drives me insane aswell! Like he's doing me a favour!

What a prick.

I told him that if it was all his he could pay for someone to do it all. After all, why would I invest my time in something which was not an investment for me?

Oh, and that he could employ childcare to look after his children. He paled a bit when I pointed out that would be 2 nannies as he's away all week.

I also reminded him that judges often take a dim view of father's stating that all material good are theirs as they've worked for them whereas sahms are sitting on their arses doing nothing all week. Because we're actually all v busy mning doing important things.

He soon saw the validity of my argument

In our house, that gets the response (care of SIL to her DH when he wanted applause for cooking dinner), "you're a wonderful man, doing a hell of a job". Every time, dripping with sarcasm. Now, every man in the family, if they try this nonsense (or me, when I am being a lazy sod) gets this and all within earshot know.

My DH decided to have a strop that I left his shirts for him to hang up. At the end of the rant - which had started by me suggesting that I could hang just my tops up and leave him with the rest if he preferred - he has never again suggested that I should hang more of it up, and regularly helps out. However, the laundry fairy is clearly expected to take the washing off the drier, and if the laundry needs hanging up and the fairy hasn't visited, if DH is in charge, all the wet clothes get squeezed in amongst the dry ones.

Ah yes - I get the slight variation:
"I have done the washing up for you"
"I have cleaned up for you"
"I have mowed the lawn for you"
as if it was some kind of massive favour instead of part of sharing the household duties!

Pisses me right off.

YANBU.

YABU - you can have this moved to chat

I honestly don't know how women allow themselves to get tied up with all the chores.

When I first moved in with Piece, we divided up the chores evenly. I clean the bathroom, and he cleans the kitchen. I clean the bedrooms and put the laundry in the wash, he takes the laundry out of the wash and folds it and puts it away. I tidy the living room, and he hoovers.

It's really not rocket science.

But to answer the OP, I think YABU. He isn't doing these things for his health or his happiness. Chances are that his "filth threshhold" is much higher than yours. He is doing these things for you, because otherwise you'd be doing them. He associates them as yours.

My approach is to join in with enthusiasm: "Oh super! Are we listing mundane household achievements??! I bet I win! Let me see... I've put in a load of washing, washed out the water bottles, wiped up some orange juice, dealt with a snot monster, hung up the downstairs towel, packed the lunches, put the butter away, let the dog out, put away the table mats, filled in some school forms......" etc etc etc and then when I've finished listing, I continue to shout out with delighted enthusiasm, almost like a running commentary of everything I'm doing as I do it. I keep it going until everyone in the house is Looking At Me Sternly and my point has been well and truly made. Funnily enough, dh doesn't often expect a round of applause for loading the dishwasher.