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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not buy a first birthday present for DD?

42 replies

Goldrill · 13/11/2011 19:56

Please be gentle - this is my first AIBU!

DD is 1 next week (PFB). Lots of rellies will be descending from various places and we are taking everyone out for Sunday lunch at the most baby-friendly place we could find. DD will not have a clue what's going on but likes eating out and loves being the centre of lots of attention so she'll likely have a whale of a time.

The rellies who are coming are a little notorious for their generousity. No excuse to buy a present (or six) gets missed. We are very lucky! So DD will get lots and lots of presents. I am quite sure she will have very little idea it's her day, no matter what we do and certainly no expectation of getting a present from us. She has oodles of toys already and if we see something she'd like we tend to just get it (nothing expensive though).

So, we were intending to just, well, not get her anything particular for her birthday. I thought this was ok but have since been advised it is a truly heinous crime which may scar her for life. AIBU?

TIA!

OP posts:
bemybebe · 13/11/2011 19:58

Not a crime, but why not open a child's isa or similar for house deposit/uni fees when she grows up?

squeakytoy · 13/11/2011 19:58

She will never know.. but people might ask you. Although, there is the fun of wrapping a present, writing a tag on it that even though she cant read, you get to put "love from mummy and daddy".. and if you are worrying about, then you are going to still worry about it on the day.

As her parents you must know of something that she will need.. even if it is a special new outfit for the day to wear.

HollyFP · 13/11/2011 19:58

Can you just get her something personal eg nice framed photo of you, DP/H and her together. At least it will last!

FunnysInTheGarden · 13/11/2011 20:00

YANBU at all. But second the person who said open an ISA or similar.

CotherMuckingFunt · 13/11/2011 20:00

I didn't get either of mine 1st birthday presents. They had so much stuff from other people and at that age I tended to buy them what they needed when they needed it.

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 13/11/2011 20:00

We got dd1 a rocking chair for when she was bigger. If it didn't have her name on I would be wrapping it for dd2 Smile

I would get her something to commerate the day, but not gets lots of presents.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 13/11/2011 20:02

We got DD a silver frame . Idea is to put in a birthday photo every year. She's a Christmas baby so we bought her a toy in the summer instead.

deliciousdevilwoman · 13/11/2011 20:04

Of course it's not heinous, and won't scar her for life! That said, I suppose I see things differently. My DD will be 1 on 18th Dec, and the generosity of relatives has not prevented me from buying her presents. Not just for the sake of it, but because as her parents we want to. In years to come, she will look back at the pics/camcorder footage and know "mum and dad got me X for my first birthday"-although that's not the main reason. I just wouldn't not buy my child a gift, because others have.

StellaNova · 13/11/2011 20:06

YANBU. We didn't get DS1 a Christmas present when he was 1, although he had a stocking I think. Didn't get DS2 a birthday present when he was 1- did mean to get him a memory box, but couldn't find a nice one and it just slid. Neither noticed, they got so much stuff from others. Do feel guilty about the memory box though and still mean to get one - he is still 1!

Original poster
Goldrill · 13/11/2011 20:11

Thankyou!

Like the idea of the photo frame - something useful in the long term. We have the ISA going already - guess an extra contribution to that would also make sense.

delicious - sorry - I think I may have come across a little differently to how I'd intended: her getting lots of presents from other people isn't the main reason - it's because she already has sooo much stuff and us getting her more when she doesn't need it seems a bit... wasteful?

I think I worry because I don't have many friends who have children, and I think something is absolutely fine (not getting a present) and then have it pointed out I may be very wrong - it makes me wonder what else I do without thinking that maybe I should do better! It's complicated stuff, this parenting thing...

OP posts:
KenDoddsDadsDog · 13/11/2011 20:12

I got it from Mamas & Papas Goldrill as they engrave them.

Haggisfish · 13/11/2011 20:18

Nope, YANBU at all - I wrote my DD a letter to open on her 18th all about her first year and how fab it has been. plenty of time to spend money later...

whomovedmychocolate · 13/11/2011 20:18

Buy her a big cake and let her smear it all over any annoying guests. Seriously, no of course you don't need to buy a one year old a gift if they are getting tons. Within a day they have forgotten who got them what anyway.

Haggisfish · 13/11/2011 20:19

What did your parents get you for your first birthday? Nope, me either! Has it scarred you? No, me either!

whomovedmychocolate · 13/11/2011 20:19

FWIW I didn't get to give either of mine their first birthday presents till the next day because of the bloody bunfight of relies etc. and they appreciated it much better the next day!

Nanny0gg · 13/11/2011 20:23

You don't have to buy her toys or clothes if she got/going to get stacks already.
Just buy a little keepsake-type pressie.
So easy with little girls!

Nanny0gg · 13/11/2011 20:23

And books!
Special books to keep.

Sleepyspaniel · 13/11/2011 20:26

Why not get something small and meaningful... a new bear.. you could make something even - a little bear or a very simple patchwork square quilt. You could get her hands and footprints done in ceramic - I would have LOVED to have seen how small my hands and feet were when I was 1 year old!

Cheaper is to go to a pottery place and print her hands on a plate and write a personal message from you to her on her 1st birthday. Or you could paint a piggy bank with 1st birthday on it.

To me, it's irrelevant whether or not other people are buying presents. It is more that I am celebrating the very first birthday with something special that will hopefully be kept.

Dancergirl · 13/11/2011 20:28

I got all my dds for their first birthdays a really nice hardback book with nursery rhymes or stories in and wrote an inscription inside....'to our darling dd on your 1st birthday etc etc...'

Something they can always keep.

NinkyNonker · 13/11/2011 21:08

I bought dd a lovely charm bracelet that we can add to each year, she can have it when she is a teen or something. We didn't get toys and stuff as she was always going to be given loads, but we wanted something we could point out to her as being her first birthday present from mummy and daddy. We also put together a box of all the bits and pieces from her first year.

aquafunf · 13/11/2011 21:12

my grandparents bought my dds a gold locket for their first birthdays. I have carefully kept them and the tags for their 21st birthdays. they knew that they would be long gone by then but wanted them to have something to remember them by.

FredFredGeorge · 13/11/2011 21:17

YANBU Don't buy her anything, she doesn't need anything, she'll have more and enough attention, save some -love- money, for a random day in the year when she's not going to be the center of everyone elses attention and can actually appreciate it.

TheCountessRoyalofBlood · 13/11/2011 21:17

I only bought ds a present because his sister was asking what we were getting him, it was a bath toy everyone was happy but it wasn't expensive at all!

PortHills · 13/11/2011 21:22

Or, make a donation to NSPCC (or whoever). My nephew received nice thank you letter from them when his parents asked for donations instead of gifts for his christening. When she's a big girl, it may be a source of pride for her? (Or she'll never forgive you for not giving her a present?!)

Iggly · 13/11/2011 21:24

I'd get something - it's for you to mark the occasion as you say she's young.