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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not buy a first birthday present for DD?

42 replies

Goldrill · 13/11/2011 19:56

Please be gentle - this is my first AIBU!

DD is 1 next week (PFB). Lots of rellies will be descending from various places and we are taking everyone out for Sunday lunch at the most baby-friendly place we could find. DD will not have a clue what's going on but likes eating out and loves being the centre of lots of attention so she'll likely have a whale of a time.

The rellies who are coming are a little notorious for their generousity. No excuse to buy a present (or six) gets missed. We are very lucky! So DD will get lots and lots of presents. I am quite sure she will have very little idea it's her day, no matter what we do and certainly no expectation of getting a present from us. She has oodles of toys already and if we see something she'd like we tend to just get it (nothing expensive though).

So, we were intending to just, well, not get her anything particular for her birthday. I thought this was ok but have since been advised it is a truly heinous crime which may scar her for life. AIBU?

TIA!

OP posts:
CointreauVersial · 13/11/2011 21:24

YANBU

DoMeDon · 13/11/2011 21:25

YABU - it's her first birthday - she won't know but you will. Even if it's a charm to keep to give when she's 18 or someother sentimental shite.

chocolatchaud · 13/11/2011 21:26

sleepspaniel has a great idea with the hand and footprints - I have had all of my DC's hand and footprints taken on their 1st birthday, and they are lovely keepsakes.

I must say I did buy presents for DS1 (pfb ovbiously Wink), but by the time it got to DS3, I'm afraid he just got a £1 ball - although he really loved it!

Greenwing · 13/11/2011 21:42

We bought two things: As mentioned by others, we bought something for them to keep forever, not a toy for a baby but something decorative and quirky to put on a shelf or on the wall and keep forever.
We also bought a book of nursery rhymes and inscribed it - we had plenty of opportunity to read them with him before his second birthday came around.

marriedinwhite · 13/11/2011 22:29

We were in a similar position. The rellies brought lots and lots of presents ofr the girl with everything. We also went out for a little birthday lunch with them. There were lots of pictures of DD opening her presents, with her first cake and candle, beaming wildly with gps and close friends. I made a collage of the photographs with birthday messages from the cards and had it professionally mounted and framed. It has pride of place in her bedroom. We didn't buy her a present but that picture is treasured by us all. Same thing happened for her 2nd birthday so I bought her a print signed by the artist of one of her favourite book characters.

Original poster
Goldrill · 13/11/2011 22:33

ooh - good idea married - that would be lovely for everyone.

Thankyou very much for all your thoughts - great to get a bit of perspective and some ideas.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 13/11/2011 22:38

Just another thought - in retrospect the first birthday photos are so special. Even if you wrap some of her existing toys for her to rip into! No need to spend - I understand why you are thinking like that.

But whatever you do do NOT forget the cake!

Xmasbaby11 · 13/11/2011 22:39

There does seem little point in buying a present if she has so much - at that age you must buy her everything as and when she needs it. How about a token gesture - like the idea of a book or jewellery to commemorate the day, or a picture frame - you could put in a picture of her with family, celebrating the day.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 13/11/2011 22:40

Yabu. I think a person seriously has to have a heart made of stone not to buy their own child a birthday present (however tiny/symbolic).

4madboys · 13/11/2011 22:45

yanbu at all! my dd will be one on the 5th dec and she will be getting presents from family etc but we arent buying anything, i have been given some toys, stacking blocks and alittle wooden jigsaw, that i will wrap up so she has something to open on her birthday, but tbh its more because her elder brothers will expect her to have presents to open!

oh i have bought her a coat, a very lovely handmade one froma site called minimoos, i really had to get it for her, so if anyone asks i can say that is her bday present, but really tahts just cos after four boys i love dressing her up and couldnt resist the coat, her birthday is just a convenient excuse Grin

vincettenoir · 13/11/2011 22:50

Ynbu. I admire your pragmatism. Save your money until next year or the year after when she will be aware of what's going on.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 13/11/2011 22:55

I wouldn't bother if you're not fussed. It's all very well everyone saying 'oh but it's for you really' and 'it's fun to wrap something up from mummy' and whatnot, but clearly if that struck you as something you wanted to do for your own sake, you'd just do it and not be thinking about it. Different people show love in different ways, and buying stuff is only one way. For my DD's first I put a lot of effort into a really nice party, made a Hungry Caterpillar out of cupcakes and invited lots of people over, because that was what made the day special for us - that's how I show love.

But then, I clearly have a heart of stone.

peanutbuttercupcake · 13/11/2011 23:03

I think dancegirls suggestion of a nice nursery rhyme or childrens story book Is lovely, something for her to keep and use for many years Smile

my2centsis · 14/11/2011 07:11

YANBU although personally i would feel really guilty and mean not buying my 1yr old a present, no they wont know, but its their 1st ever birthday, i was so excited to buy dd her 1st presents.
ds will only be a couple of weeks old at Christmas but iv still brought him a few small gifts i would feel horrible if i didn't.
Just my opinion tho :)

weevilswobble · 14/11/2011 07:24

You are right in that you dont need to buy her 'stuff' and toys that she'll outgrow, but i was thinking picture frame with the three of you on her first bday. Defo, its a momento to mark the occasion, there are loads of personalized gift companies that do all the hand print stuff too.

Proudnscary · 14/11/2011 07:32

Of course YANBU! I understand exactly what you mean. We didn't get ds any presents for first two Christmasses as he got so many from rellies.

I have given away about 90% of the dc's toys over the past 10 years. They had a huge, quite disgusting, surplus of things they wanted or needed.

The only thing I'd say is we were on holiday for dd's first birthday so we bought her two old fashioned wooden toys from a cutesy knick knack shops in Cornwall. She still has both of them (one is a Russian doll) and says 'you bought that for me when I was one didn't you?' in a chuffed way. It definitely means something to her. But if she didn't have those she'd never know and it wouldn't be any kind of deal to her not to have them.

BikeRunSki · 14/11/2011 07:39

YANBU, DS's firts birthday present from us was fairly low key for the same reasons (can't even remember what it was and he is only just 3). We upped his Child Trust Fund contributions instead.

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