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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To believe that women can have emotionless sex

47 replies

Beaverfeaver · 13/11/2011 01:07

...
I believe women can have emotionless sex.

In the same way a man can.

At the same time, I know that most women would not be able to separate emotions, but some definitely can.

It does not make them love their DP or DH any less, is does not mean that they want to break up.

Might be a tad controversial, but I have felt this way for over 10 years now

OP posts:
grovel · 13/11/2011 01:09

Of course we can.

Won't make a partner sympathetic though. Either way.

VelcroFanjo · 13/11/2011 01:10

Have done it, no reason why sex has to be all about emotions...sometimes you just feel like some! Glad I'm not known on here Blush

lelainapierce · 13/11/2011 01:10

Yanbu

eminencegrise · 13/11/2011 01:11

Of course, just as some men cannot have sex without emotions attached.

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/11/2011 01:11

Can women have purely biological sex? Yes.
Should anyone cheat on a partner? No.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 13/11/2011 01:16

Yes, of course we can, and the endless propaganda insisting that we can't is really about keeping women under male control.
However, are you wanting to discuss having recreational, casual sex in general or are you specifically referring to having NSA sex with assorted people while you are allegedly engaged in a monogamous relationship with one particular one? Because these are different issues.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 13/11/2011 01:23

Revelation of the century..... not.

You're talking about two different issues, though - one having not much to do with the other.

Cathycomehome · 13/11/2011 01:29

Like what Slinking said - yes absolutely in answer to your question, cheating on a partner is a different thing.

Soupqueen · 13/11/2011 01:37

Of course we can. I haven't since I met (now) DH but
absolutely believe that women are as capable as anyone else

catgirl1976 · 13/11/2011 10:28

Of course they can. There's no difference

But it doesn't give you a "get out jail free card" to cheat on people

EricNorthmansMistress · 13/11/2011 10:33

Do you mean on general or by having an affair? First is pretty much a given, second is also true but that doesn't make it justified. What is your point?

FabbyChic · 13/11/2011 10:36

I had two close friends who could, happily go out every week and shag someone and not care, if they didn't get a shag they didn't have a good night.

A lot of women need sex like a man does and feelings don't come into it.

For me there has to be something there.

SixStringWidow · 13/11/2011 10:48

agree with FabbyChic

It's all about the emotion for me tbh.

No way could I shag just anyone.

In fact, looking back I hated the one night stands I had.

cory · 13/11/2011 11:04

I couldn't have emotionless sex, but then I know men who couldn't either

and I know plenty of both men and women who have been able to do so perfectly happily

what I have never known is an act of deception not ending in tears

honesty and consideration are always good things

FreudianSlipper · 13/11/2011 11:28

yes of course we can

but i think most women need to feel some sort of attraction where as some men it is about sex, the action the attraction bit is not always necessary that is why many men pay for sex (though of course will probably opt for the more attractive woman to pay)

noir · 13/11/2011 11:50

It depends what you mean by emotionless. I've had sex where I didn't care to enquire about the other half's surname and had no intention of ever seeing them again (in fact one or two seemed deflated to be sent on their way without so much as exchanging phone numbers) but I still felt things: lust and excitement.

Even though I am capable of having this kind of loveless, detached sex I would never use it as an excuse to cheat on my partner.

perceptionreality · 13/11/2011 11:52

yanbu

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 13/11/2011 11:55

yanbu

i've had emotionless sex. it was great.

perceptionreality · 13/11/2011 11:56

Oh hang on, just read the bit about your dh. IMO, if you want to have sex outside a relationship you have agreed monogamy in then either the relationship is already dead or mongamy doesn't suit you.

FrancesFarmer · 13/11/2011 11:58

Yanbu.

I don't find sex emotional. Just pleasurable, and that's fine by me!

FreudianSlipper · 13/11/2011 12:04

if think for some men and women they need more sex than they get in their relationship. it does not mean they love their partner less or have any effect on their marriage

i am sure far more people are having casual sex than are willing to admit they are for fear of losing what they have and with the internet it is much easier to meet up with like minded sex partners

BertieBotts · 13/11/2011 12:04

"It does not make them love their DP or DH any less, is does not mean that they want to break up."

Maybe not, but you can't just decide for your partner whether that is a dealbreaker or not. Maybe you don't want to break up but they would if they knew - maybe they would be fine about it - much more likely if you are upfront from the start!

I'm not trying to comment on your situation as I don't know what it is but I don't think this is a new thing - lots of people have open relationships or go to swingers clubs etc. Fine, as long as both partners are aware and consenting.

cory · 13/11/2011 12:08

Bertie sums it up: you can't make decisions about what is ok for other people behind their backs

so if your partner has been led to believe that s/he has entered a monogamous relationship and you now want to move the goalposts you have to be upfront about it

FreudianSlipper · 13/11/2011 12:20

i agree about being honest but how many people are

so many people are having casual sex now as it is so easy to without having to pay or have an affair are they all being upfront i am not sure i would hope so but i doubt they are because they seperate sex from feelings and maybe their partner can not and they do not see it as cheating as it is just sex and some woudl rather not know

cory · 13/11/2011 12:29

does it matter how many people are doing it if there is a risk it would hurt your individual partner?

I have seen at close quarters many cases where a partner has been caught cheating and I have never seen a case of the other half shrugging it off with a "oh, well so many people lie to their partners so it doesn't really matter that s/he lied to me too"

ime people resent being lied to however liberal their sexual views

just as they resent being cheated over money however financially generous