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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take offence at DHs post on my brothers FB wall?

79 replies

Pascha · 12/11/2011 19:49

this probably outs me.

Dh saw DBs wall post showing pics of his fiancee's engagement ring which is very pretty (of course). Thy have a fairly antagonistic relationship with sarcasm as the main mode of communication on both sides.

He just posted: "is that from Wilkinsons range then?" (ie cheap and nasty).

OP posts:

SwedishEdith · 12/11/2011 20:07

Oh come on, it's a weird picture to post on fb anyway. Men (and lots of women) are not remotely interested in engagement rings

Proudnscary · 12/11/2011 20:09

a) It's a joke - even if you know the vitriol between them, it is clearly a joke
b) If you post stuff up on stupid bloody Facebook then expect all manner of comments from all manner of people!

RomanKindle · 12/11/2011 20:11

Just think he may have spared you pictures of the dress/accessories, cars, flowers, screenshot of the honeymoon details etc. He's likely done you a favour. And them really.

DeWe · 12/11/2011 20:11

If they've got that sort of relationship anyway, then why are they friends on fb?

Hulababy · 12/11/2011 20:14

It is meant? Why are they even on each others FB if they don't get on?

dearprudence · 12/11/2011 20:14

I can't imagine any man I know making a complimentary comment about someone's ring. My DH would have probably said something about Elizabeth Duke.

But if it was someone he didn't like or had a bad relationship with, he wouldn't comment at all. Or have them as a facebook friend.

slavetofilofax · 12/11/2011 20:15

It's between your DH and your DB. And I thought your DH's response is quite amusing.

If you are going to do something twatty like post pictures of the engagement ring you just bought your girlfriend on FB, then you have to expect that you might get twatty responses.

Out of the two of them, your brother looks worse than your DH by far.

ll31 · 12/11/2011 20:18

u post on fb u cant expect only positivie comments.. think its funny tbh

NinkyNonker · 12/11/2011 20:19

It depends on the relationship between them, which only the op knows. If she knows that they don't have that sort of relationship then it is a mean comment and that is out of order. Way to rain on their parade.

ll31 · 12/11/2011 20:21

but she's said they communicate with sarcastic comments so seems to me comment is perfectly normal

RomanKindle · 12/11/2011 20:24

I think it would only rain on your parade if you are the type to take yourself very seriously - and expect others too. I would expect nothing but comments like that personally - but my friends are very funny and sarky.

fedupofnamechanging · 12/11/2011 21:12

I think it's nasty and agree that the appropriate response is 'how lovely'. If you don't think it is, then best to say nothing.

I also think that your dh should consider that this is your brother and not deliberately set out to cause offence to members of your family. It shows lack of consideration for you and the comment is just plain rude and makes your dh look like an arse.

Personally, I wouldn't post pics of my engagement ring on fb, but they are probably excited and happy and want to share. it's no worse than some of the toe curlingly awful status updates that some people post, where they not so stealth boast about their dc/relationship/career.

NinkyNonker · 12/11/2011 21:16

Well I wouldn't post a pic either and of course I find my friends funny, but the Op has said that their relationship isn't like that.

Personally I would never make that sort of comment. I don't take myself seriously, but if someone were to post a pic like that it is because they are excited and happy, why pee all over that with some juvenile attempt at a put down?

ravenAK · 12/11/2011 21:26

I'm with you OP.

If it was his mate & they've been saying toe-curling horrible 'everyone else in the room sucking their teeth whilst they both guffaw' things to each other since nursery = fair enough.

To your db, with whom he actually doesn't get on - & with your future SIL hurt too as collateral damage = rude, boorish & quite spiteful.

I'd be furious with him.

slavetofilofax · 12/11/2011 21:40

but if someone were to post a pic like that it is because they are excited and happy,

I disagree, if they are excited and happy they could just post a picture of themselves or use words to announce their engagement. To post a picture of the ring is showing off.

I can almost understand a girl posting a pic of the ring, even though it would still be cringeworthy, but for a man to do it, it is saying nothing but 'look at the size of the rock I just bought'.

TheRuderBarracuda · 12/11/2011 21:40

If a DH of mine put this, I think I'd feel inclined to post a comment underneath along the lines of: "Beautiful choice! Really pleased for you both wink/smile". Take it as a joke and turn it back on join in with DH. I think if you distance yourself from his opinion and make a nice comment yourself you might feel a bit less narked. He can have his opinion, you can have yours.

Curiousmama · 12/11/2011 21:45

If it'd been your dh posting it about your db who he gets on with usually then it's a joke.

This isnt a joke he's having a dig. Obviously jealous or has some other niggle about your db? Not sure I'd post pix of my engagement ring though but each to their own? Maybe your db is young is he?

2rebecca · 12/11/2011 23:07

He isn't posting on your brother's fiancee's wall about the ring though but on your brother's. I think putting a picture of a piece of jewellery you bought someone else on facebook is looking to have the piss taken, and blokes don't do the "how lovely" thing. If they are usually sarcastic to each other I don't see the problem. Sounds like your marital problem rather than a problem between the blokes.
Surely your brother can stand up for himslef if he thinks your husband is being a pillock? My brother certainly doesn't need big sis coming to his rescue because of a sarky facebook comment.
The only Wilkinsons I've heard of is Wilkinsons Sword, so I'd be thinking garden shears and spades and the "joke" would go straight over my head.

MrBloomsNursery · 12/11/2011 23:09

Wilkinsons don't do jewellery do they?

KD0706 · 12/11/2011 23:15

Tbh I'd be surprised if somebody posted a photo of their fiancée's engagement ring on fb and didnt get at least one post like your DH's.

If you are feeling upset about it then post something along the lines of what barracudda suggested.

But I wonder if it might just be water off a ducks back to your brother. I know my DH always jokes about how many kinder eggs he had to eat to find my engagement ring and I just thought this was the sort of joke blokes make all the time.

Lightofthemoon · 12/11/2011 23:16

oh come on, it's hilarious and clearly a joke - I'm pretty certain Wilkos haven't branched out into crap jewellery! So many sour pusses here with no sense of humour.

Robotindisguise · 12/11/2011 23:25

Crass, but easily defused with something like...

"Oh ignore him, he only thinks that because that's where he got mine from! It's stunning, she's a lucky girl and we couldn't be happier for you"

Curiousmama · 13/11/2011 10:04

Yes put what robot says

HereKittyKitty · 13/11/2011 10:19

I'm totally with you OP, sounds rude and nasty to me.

Maybe I only know nice, mature people who are sensitive towards others feelings, but sounds like a lot of people on here are know right meanies...

Hullygully · 13/11/2011 10:25

That is just simply heartbreaking.

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