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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have said something to my friend re: calpol use?

79 replies

Piggyleroux · 12/11/2011 15:31

I am a bit worried that I have messed up here by not being able to keep my gob shut.

I have just got back from staying with an old friend for a week. She has a 7 mo dd. we have known each other for about 20 years (college together) so have a solid friendship (until now possibly).

Basically, she gave her dd calpol every day at least twice because she is teething. She said that she gets through at least a bottle a month because of teeth, colds etc. Her dd has had a cold pretty much since she was about three months old which I wonder if it is due to having so much pain relief it is affecting her body's inflammatory response.

I said this to my friend who shouted at me and asked me what to suggest if her dd was in pain. My dh is a doctor so i have a little knowledge about medicine and now that it can cause harm as well as good. This was on thursday, I left yesterday and the atmosphere was a bit frosty.

Aibu to have said something to here?

OP posts:

Lollyheart · 12/11/2011 16:50

I don't think it can do much harm if the child is I'll.
My doc said the reason it says to see the doc after 3 days is incase something more could be going on, not because after 3 days it'd going to harm the child iykwim.

ladyintheradiator · 12/11/2011 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meglet · 12/11/2011 17:04

We've had the odd month or two where we've got through a bottle in a month. Teething is painful, I end up whimpering and scoffing painkillers when my wisdom teeth kick off so I tended to give the dc's the benefit of the doubt when they had teeth breaking through and were grizzly. Chuck in a few colds and high temps and it soon gets used up.

Don't get through much these days now they're 5 & 3. Still got last winters stuff in the medicine box.

thatsenough · 12/11/2011 17:05

I also agree about natural measures - Tepid sponging and over/under dressing is no longer recommened. For a fever NICE guidance is to treat if the child is unwell or distressed

www.nice.org.uk/nicemedia/live/11010/30526/30526.pdf

SmethWitchBelle · 12/11/2011 17:17

With DS1 he'd had antibiotics twice in his first year and probably an awful lot of calpol and medised (when it was allowed 3 months+). He had a series of horrible chest infections and all sorts, when he started nursery at 6 months it seemed constant. He's a robust 4 year old now who's rarely ill.

DS2 at 2 years has avoided antibiotics so far only been to the docs once to diagnose hand foot and mouth and in his first year I don't think we used calpol at all.

I would say it depends on the child (and the parent) obviously, but a small bottle doesn't go very far and if they've just started nursery/had a series of lurgies it might not be unreasonable.

I wouldn't hesitate to use it to get a temperature down, high temps can result in fits.

zipzap · 12/11/2011 17:20

Why don't you talk to your dh and find out if it's too much and/or if there is anything else she could be doing to help her dd?

Then when you speak to her next you will have the right info, you can apologise to your friend for upsetting her but explain that you have heard so many horror stories from your dh that it makes you over cautious. And that you were upset when you got home and didn't know if you'd spoken out of turn etc etc so you asked your dh and he said xxx'. Try to make sure it doesn't come over as 'I was right you were wrong' even if that is the case so you have a chance to make sure you don't lose your friendship!

ScarlettIsWalking · 12/11/2011 17:26

...sigh... I watched my niece spoon dollops of Calpol every time her baby made a yelp from 3m old. I remember sitting there thinking maybe it was the 10 fags her boyfriend just smoked sitting opposite that made him cranky.

You really can't say anything in these instances as long as she is not overdosing. Some parents are just such huge fans of the stuff. The more you use it the less it works like any drug, you have to keep taking more.

CaptainMartinCrieff · 12/11/2011 17:30

"my DH is a Dr so I have a little knowledge about medicine"

Are you having a laugh? My Dad is a pilot so I have a little knowledge about flying 747s, fancy a free flight with me at the controls?!

FellatioNelson · 12/11/2011 17:31

A bottle a month is nothing - if the child is in pain or has a temperature, it's nothing - really. I thought you were going to day a bottle a week, every week, regardless of whether the child is ill or not. Some people seem to have a weird idea that Calpol will make their children sleep. It doesn't.

tiredemma · 12/11/2011 17:32

"Are you having a laugh? My Dad is a pilot so I have a little knowledge about flying 747s, fancy a free flight with me at the controls?!"

Just literally pissed myself.

bebemoojem · 12/11/2011 17:37

Agree with JAMW

That being said I did have a stretch btwn 6m and 9m where dd1 was ill and teething and I pretty much gave it to her for 3m straight... I asked the GP abt it and as long as I wasn't overdosing she said it was fine. I did try to only give it mostly in the late afternoon and evening to get her to nap/sleep.

Besom · 12/11/2011 17:38

I think you need to apologise to her if you want to keep the friendship - just "I'm sorry, I should mind my own business". And leave it at that.

You can hope that the fact that you have said it may be enough to make her think about how much she is giving and cut it down a bit.

Triggles · 12/11/2011 17:39

If her DH is a doctor with any ethics or sense, he will simply tell her to advise her friend to go to the GP. He has not seen this child in a professional capacity and doesn't know this child's medical history, so there's really not much he can offer realistically by way of medical advice.

It's a slippery slope, and if I'm not mistaken a legally dangerous step, to offer medical advise without having seen a child or knowing their history.

And at "my dad is a pilot"

Bitdifferent · 12/11/2011 17:42

Drs wife...paracetamol is a pain killer and will bring down a high fever. It will have no effect on the child's inflammatory response (ability to fight infection). You can take up to 4 doses in 24 hours so 2 doses a day is fine. I actually have my own qualifications rather than just being married to them.

NinkyNonker · 12/11/2011 17:47

Bugger, MartinCrieff stole my line. My dad is a pilot (ships though) and I was about to make the same joke.

stressheaderic · 12/11/2011 17:47

I consider that amount excessive, and agree, some people are massive fans of the stuff.
Friend of mine doles it out at slightest sign of paleness/red cheeks/slight whinging.
We've been through one small bottle in the 21 months since DD born.

Triggles · 12/11/2011 17:50

Lucky you to only have been through one small bottle. Instead of being judgemental about whether it not it is excessive or whether the parent is a "massive fan of the stuff" perhaps you might want to just be grateful that your child hasn't had the number of illnesses or the level of discomfort from teething that this other child is apparently having.

MollieO · 12/11/2011 17:50

I think it is an astonishing amount of Calpol if it is a normal sized bottle. I'd be concerned that a very young child was having the maximum dose of Calpol every day for months when there is no underlying medical reason.

Ds was prem, poorly and on practically continous antibiotics from birth to about 4.5 years (we got one month off in the summer). Medicated because of repeated infections and of course he had high temperatures too. The paed consultant we had to see every 6 weeks (and our family GP - also a qualified paed registrar - whom we often saw inbetween) said not to medicate for temps under 40 as that was the body's way of dealing with whatever was wrong. As for teething pain there is lots you can do without choosing to medicate.

OP I would have said something too and I wouldn't apologise as I'd be concerned that my friend would think my apology equals 'I was wrong and over medicating your young baby is fine'.

thatsenough · 12/11/2011 17:59

But if the child is in pain, distressed and/or had a fever, then the child is being medicated appropriately, they could as has already been pointed out give another two doses over 24 hours.

Two doses of calpol will not harm the child, it's true that other things could be tried for teething, but we have no idea if the OPs friend has done this - she may well have and found calpol to be the most effective.

rhondajean · 12/11/2011 18:02

Be careful - there is quite strong evidence linking the overuse - or even regualr use - of paracetamol in infants with asthma. Im always amazed how many otherwise very careful parents pump the stuff into their children "to make them sleep".

Triggles · 12/11/2011 18:05

The OP stated that the friend was giving the child the calpol because the child was in pain, not to "make them sleep" so I hardly think this applies.

Miette · 12/11/2011 18:07

"Her dd has had a cold pretty much since she was about three months old which I wonder if it is due to having so much pain relief it is affecting her body's inflammatory response. "

No Calpol does not cause babies to catch colds.

rocksandhardplaces · 12/11/2011 18:08

I agree with posters who say that establishing whether you were U or not is irrelevant. You cocked up by being a bit know-it-all. Ever think when she said she was going through a bottle a month she was exaggerating?? e.g. "We should have shares in Calpol, we go through a bottle a month!".

Banging on about inflammatory responses as though you were a doctor when you're not is insufferable. In fact, it's insufferable even if you are a doctor. My BIL is a doc and had the gall to suggest that I shouldn't have needed gas and air for a vaginal exam at 4cms! No doubt he had good reason for suggesting this technically, but it is rude and unwarranted to share medical advice where it hasn't been on request and you are in very very hot water indeed.

Do you want to keep the friendship or be right? You choose.

rocksandhardplaces · 12/11/2011 18:09

hasn't been requested - sorry.

garlicBread · 12/11/2011 18:09

How unsurprising that, despite having replies from a pharmacist and a doctor on this thread within 2 pages, so many mothers are quick to judge another as inadequate and to pronounce their misinformation as fact. Some children have greater need for medication than others. If yours didn't, that means your child was lucky, nothing more.

I'm fascinated to know why Molly's keyboard does 6s for Gs

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