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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I the only person with no close friends?

38 replies

barbie007 · 11/11/2011 17:36

I've been living in this area for 7 years and I can honestly say I haven't got a close friend or group of friends. I met a few other mums through my antenatal group and became quite friendly with 2 women who have moved away.I'm still friends with 2 other mums from this group, but they only include me in their Wednesday coffee mornings. I've tried but the friendship doesn't seem to go beyond this.They had a weekend away with a couple of other friends but they didn't include me. I found out on fb!!

I don't work so my only point of contact is through mums at school. I have coffees here and there but nothing meaningful. If I didn't chat to people during the school run I could easily go without talking to anyone all day. Should I just toughen up and realise there are many women out there who feel like this?

OP posts:
cjbartlett · 11/11/2011 17:38

I think that's fine tbh
do yuo have old work friends or old school friends to go out with?

I chat to mums at school gate
sometimes have coffee - not every week like you though!

my best friends are work friends, siblings, uni friends, school friends and of course dh

cjbartlett · 11/11/2011 17:39

what I mean is I don't expect to go for weekends away with school mums, I do that with people I've known for 20 years
I go out once a fortnight with a work friend and a girl we used to work with

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 11/11/2011 17:39

I dont really know anyone where we live. We moved here abotu 2 years ago, i talk to other mothers in the school but only about 3 words. Between lookgin after the children and helping dh with his business plus other things which i dont have to do but that I want to do (I like growing veg etc and like crafty stuff) I just dont seem to meet people that i feel like i want to spend time with. The people i do meet i have little in common with.

UserNameNotAvailable · 11/11/2011 17:42

You're not the only one, I'm in the same boat except I don't even have anyone to meet for a cuppa. Right billy no mates me.

moonstorm · 11/11/2011 17:49

There are many many people in the same boat as you. When you are around here for a while, you will see many similar threads to this. You are certainly not the only one. xx

ladyintheradiator · 11/11/2011 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tripleZ · 11/11/2011 17:50

No I'm in this position - moved here four years ago and while I know alot of people to have quick school gate chat to or talk to at a toddler group don't have close friends.

What makes it worse is previously had very close friends. It recently got worse as DH now has to work away during the week - no family nearby either.

Still went out somewhere different with another mother yesterday with our youngest DC- and that was very nice so maybe things might change.

MichaelaS · 11/11/2011 17:50

there must be others in your situation. Maybe look around locally for a group you can join? There is a dance class near us where the parents sit in the cafe half of the room whilst the children dance - its very good for meeting other parents. Something like that could help you build new friendships.

Depending on how old your kids are, the NCT can usually use some volunteers. Or get involved at the school maybe?

Kitsilano · 11/11/2011 17:54

I feel the same. Keep resolving to be more chatty, get to know people, invite them for coffee...but then just dont.

barbie007 · 11/11/2011 18:56

Thanks...I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels like this. If I'd just moved here I would understand, but after 7 years I just don't see how it's going to happen. my kids are all at school now so no chance of meeting anyone at toddler groups etc. I grew up abroad and only returned to the UK 7 years ago so unfortunately I don't have any old school friends or university friends in this country. It's actually all quite difficult really

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 11/11/2011 19:01

I would go out and do something for you with something that really interests you and find like minded people. Volunteering is good-get busy.

liveinazoo · 11/11/2011 19:03

ive lived my area 6yrs.have couple mums i talk to.like you if not a school day dont get adult conversation less go to a shop!used to feel upset about it.i go local kids centre occasionally.started helping out at kids school.realised some people have old mates,some close families that provide them with companionship.for people like me with neither can be harder.take heart you definately arent alone.i learned its ok to do things on my own.chin upGrin

rocksandhardplaces · 11/11/2011 19:13

Friendships are tough when you move about. I got married in 2006, I was 32. At that point, I still had all my school and uni friends, and some really good friends I had met in my first job. I pretty much thought that would be it, that I would just add friends as time went on.

Not how it worked out.

Since having children, I have virtually no contact with my school friends, most of whom are childless. My uni friends moved away, one by one, and although they are still "my friends", we email a few times a year and meet up only every other year. One of my best uni friends and I totally lost contact, she started an affair and after months and months of talking it through with her, I started to distance myself. My chief bridesmaid and closest female friend moved to South Africa and I have seen her once since then.

I did the toddler group thing TO DEATH, I threw myself into it body and soul, I "mumdated" from the evil place that should not be mentioned Netmums. I went to classes, day (with kid), evening (without). I made some good starts, but people went back to work and it would fizzle or never get beyond recipe discussions etc. I met a really lovely local mum and lost her number when my toddler threw my phone into the toilet at the same time that I had to change work days and not go back to the same group.

Not sure how you make yourself a community. I have some friends, enough to chat to or meet once every six weeks or so for a meal, but no one very close that I could really spend a lot of time with or go away for a weekend with. I'm a sociable, outgoing person but it requires SO MUCH TIME and it can so easily become impossible when people's availability changes, as it tends to do with p/t working.

I feel for you, I am there too!

SarahStratton · 11/11/2011 19:17

No, I don't have any either. But, for me, that's out of choice. Stick around here a bit longer, and you will realise it's actually quite usual.

FabbyChic · 11/11/2011 19:18

I moved in 2004 been here just over 7 years, I have no friends here not one let alone close friends.

I actually dont know anybody but my neighbours and work colleagues.

Im home alone again tonight have been for 10 weeks since son went to Uni, and I shall be drinking for the first time in 20 months, alone. I just fancied a drink. Wish there was someone I could invite round to have a drink with.

exoticfruits · 11/11/2011 19:26

You do have to go out and join things. There is lots that you can volunteer for-much easier if you are busy and have things to do.

NormaSparklerFlashBangAhhh · 11/11/2011 19:27

Me too.

Most of my friends are through work, and since that is London they live miles away.

My oldest and best uni friend is no longer answering her phone In touch since borrowing money from me

It makes me quite :(

runningwilde · 11/11/2011 19:33

Where do you all live? Maybe if any live close to each other a meet up can br arranged?

I have some lovely friends but my closest friends dont live near me now :(

quietlyafraid · 11/11/2011 19:35

Most of my friends have grown apart and grown up and live miles away. Most were male too, and I just feel I got to an age where wifes/gfs weren't keen on their partner having female friends... :( I find it generally really difficult to relate to and form friendship with women.

Hence me lurking on certain internet forums spouting nonsense...

barbie007 · 11/11/2011 19:37

wow...it's tough isn't it. I don't like it when I'm in self-pity mode as life could be a lot harder, but lately i've just been thinking more and more about it. I can tell from your comments that many of you are feeling sad too

I've tried the joining things. I did a photography course recently and yes, I chatted to people and had things in common, but that was about it. It's very hard to establish a friendship especially when it feels like most people around me have well established friendships already

OP posts:
kirrinIsland · 11/11/2011 19:44

Me too. Have lived here for years but close friends are still up north - I see and speak to them regularly but have never managed to find something similar here. Since having DD i have met a few mums but it never goes beyond a coffee here and there. I was doing ok with a couple of people then we all went back to work part time on different days.

BalloonTwister · 11/11/2011 20:36

I know exactly how you feel. I now live in a different county to the one I grew up in, and all my friends and family either still live there or have emigrated. My closest friend died 4 years ago, the one I could tell anything to, call at any time etc and I honestly can't see me ever making another friend like her. I've tried baby groups, but it never goes much beyond the odd coffee, I work part time, but none of my colleagues have children, and I have little in common with them. And can't get pissed up on saturday nights with them I've taken up clowning to get me out and about a bit more...thats how bloody desperate I am! Grin Is anyone on this thread in Kent?

alisonsmum · 11/11/2011 20:45

another one here....i just have a few friends from work to meet up with every few months ( am on mat leave atm) but no one desperately close close that i could really rely on or even go away with. my few friends seem to be sorta polite conversation sort of friends...nothing id want to discuss things in detail with

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 11/11/2011 20:52

I only have 2 close friends locally as the others are all stll in the city we went to Uni in.

I find it very hard to make new ones...and my 2 friends are like me...busy Mums with not much spare cash.

If you want to have a more active social life I really reccomend joining the Womens Institute...it's apparently very modern these days and our local one has lots of younger women...in their 30s anyway. They go on trips and nights out together as well as raising money for charity and organising things for their kids.

I keep meaning to join ours!

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 11/11/2011 20:53

Oh Balloon you just made me Laugh! Grin I envision this desperae Mum, driven to Tomfoolery in order to get out and about! Good move though! I have mate who'se a professional clown and a Mum....she's mad!

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