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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if I want to send my DC to the outstanding school in the next village then I bloody well can??

61 replies

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 11/11/2011 16:28

My local school is very full...its ok but not great and when it came time to send DD1 there, she couldn't get in anyway (BIG catchment)...we were offered a very bad alternative 3 miles away (we did visit and hated it) and so sent her to a private prep over the road....(struggled to pay for this and luckily got a bursary) and put her name down at the local school, plus 2 others in neighbouring villages both of which are less than 2 miles away.

We were offered a place for her this year at an outstanding school we were on the list for and we duly sent her and she has settled in very well. We also registered our youngest at the preschool which is linked.

We have met about 20 other people who live in our village that go to our new school in the neighbouring village...so it's not ALL local kids.

Waiting outside preschoool for DC2 today I mentioned something to one Mum about an event happening at the school and another Mum immediately butted in said, "Oh it's terrible...there are something like 20 siblings coming into reception this year...so locals with one child can't get in." to her friend loudly.

She was obviously having a go....I can't help that we couldn't get in more locally can I?? I totally ignored her and carried on my conversation whlst she informed all the new Mums local and not...that the places are given to siblings before locals.

We only live a mile and a half away ffs and there are no other schools nearby offering us a place! We couldn't afford prep any more even with a bursary...are we in the wrong? I had hoped there wouldn't be any ill feeling....

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 11/11/2011 16:30

Have you any reason to think she was talking about you?

worraliberty · 11/11/2011 16:34

Why on earth would you ling the two conversations together? She was probably already talking about that before you spoke.

Also, at my son's school, distance still comes before sibling link.

eaglewings · 11/11/2011 16:34

Check the web site
Often the order for addmisons goes

Cared for kids
Children in catchment with siblings in school
Kids in catchment
Kids not in catchment with siblings in the school
Kids not in catchment

worraliberty · 11/11/2011 16:34

Link not ling!

Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 11/11/2011 16:36

She had only just arrived...Worra....literally arrived, listened in and then said that..

OP posts:
worraliberty · 11/11/2011 16:38

Then she might have been chatting about it on the way?

Anyhow the criteria tens to change all the time so if the problem gets too bad, the local kids will come before sibling link to even things out.

Northernlurker · 11/11/2011 16:39

It's not your fault that the local authority obviously prioritise siblings above catchment kids and if she had a child already in she would be shouting as loud as anyone that siblings MUST get in. Ignore her. You do what's best for your child and expect everyone else to do likewise.

JamieComeHome · 11/11/2011 16:39

it sounds like you've been very lucky and should rise above any resentment, if it's there.

ThePerfectFather · 11/11/2011 16:39

I think you're being really, really oversensitive. I don't see how your choice of school has anything to do with what she's referring to.

It IS a pain the arse when siblings are given priority if you are trying to get your firstborn into a school. I don't think the policy is a particularly good one because it doesn't really make any sense other than, I guess, being more convenient for the parents who can pick both kids up at once. But then, it's also desperately inconvenient for parents who can't get into the school so it's robbing Peter to pay Paul.

She might have a big mouth and have unneccessarily stepped over your conversation but I don't think she was having a go at you about what you think she was at all.

Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 11/11/2011 16:42

Well we couldn't get OUR firstborn in locally could we? We waited 3 years for anyplace within reasonable distance...and Worra no...she arrived alone, earwigged and then commened to her croney.

You're right though...I shouldn't be annoyed....or hurt..not everyone's friendly are they?

OP posts:
Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 11/11/2011 16:44

Just ignore her. If she was having a go ignoring her will deny her the satisfaction of a reaction. The vagaries of the admissions system are not your fault. Mind you it is the sort of conversation people have a lot so she may not have been having a go at you per se. Maybe her best friend or sister is currently applying and being told not much chance of a place by the school so it's just on her mind.

valiumredhead · 11/11/2011 16:47

What on earth makes you think what she said was having a go at you? Confused Yes, it WILL be terrible for people trying to get in...so what?

academyblues · 11/11/2011 16:48

Rise above it.

School applications send parents loopy. Fact.

ragged · 11/11/2011 16:52

I think she was having a go at OP but it's her problem. You had to suck things up and go private for a while, maybe she will too. You didn't invent this barmy system, anyway.

Northernlurker · 11/11/2011 17:00

I think she was having a go too. Doesn't mean you have to mind. Seriously what kind of dafty trousers gets her kicks from sniping whilst doing playgroup pickup......Hmm

usualsuspect · 11/11/2011 17:02

She has a point tbh

hocuspontas · 11/11/2011 17:04

Don't let it bother you but try and have some empathy. It IS annoying for parents when a bulge sibling year displaces local or catchment children so a little moan is understandable!

Familydilemma · 11/11/2011 17:07

School admissions are a horrible thing. I'd have been mad if we couldn't get dc1 in because of siblings, but I'd be equally mad if dc2 and 3 had to go elsewhere because the sibling rule was disallowed. Most of the time people are being very naturally self interested and gripes are rarely personal. How can people justifiably criticise someone for following the rules?

Familydilemma · 11/11/2011 17:10

Theres no such thing these days as an actual catchment anyway is there? A catchment is as big or as small as the distance between the school and its furthest pupil in any given year. I think perhaps you might go Hmm about someone who rented near to the school til firstborn in then moved back to family home, but even then the rules are the rules.

Northernlurker · 11/11/2011 17:22

usualsupect - I don't think she has a point at all. Firstly the OP didn't decide admission policy - and stuggled to get her child in at a local school - she is not to blame for the situation and secondly having siblings at different schools is clearly not a desirable situation.

KouklaMoo · 11/11/2011 18:37

Where I used to live the situation was exactly as you describe - a new school, filled up places from outside catchment, then a few years down the line there was a problem with locals getting their first child a place because of siblings from further away. It was bad, and so I can see their point.

We have since moved, and we are the out of area parents, with a younger sibling due to start at an oversubscribed school next year. There is a sibling rule, and my child will get a place before a local child without siblings at the school. Now the shoe's on the other foot, it doesn't seem so bad. Blush I don't know how I'd manage with them at different schools.

YANBU to take up your school place - all's fair in love and school applications Wink and all that. You'll need to grow a thicker skin - I don't think there's any subject more likely to bring on the sniping than school places.

sue52 · 11/11/2011 18:58

You are doing what you consider the best thing for your child, most people would do the same. YANBU.

Original poster
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 11/11/2011 19:18

I know Koukla....I'm not used to all this because the prep we were at was tiny and all the other Mums and Dads bar myself and one other, were at work for pick up so I never met anyone except the oddd Nanny! We met at parties of course and playdates but these issues didn't affect anyone much.

I think I will avoid that woman..she's a bit hatchet faced and her own DD shoould be safe as she has an older DD installed already. I think she was just stirring.

OP posts:
letmehelp · 11/11/2011 19:22

YANBU to take up the best place on offer for your child, but if you were mother of a "catchment " child who's DC had to go to the "very bad" school, because your local one was full of siblings from outside, you might share her views? Therefore, YABU to be surprised there might be bad feeling. The whole school place thing is ridiculously stressful.

Most of our local schools only prioritise siblings after all "priority admissions area" children have been accomodated.

Kitchentiles · 11/11/2011 19:30

I think this is to be expected at any school - there will always be someone griping about something. Just ignore.

I'm glad I don't have to set admissions policy, what a frigging nightmare.