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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - sorry, it's a bus thread, but it's nothing to do with prams/wheelchairs, I promise.

35 replies

everybodysang · 11/11/2011 13:06

Well, I might mention prams, but it's not actually about them.

Ok. I don't drive, get the bus quite a lot. There's a woman who gets on the bus at a very large supermarket which is about 20 minutes before I have to get off the bus. She is a very, very large lady (this is relevant, I promise - I'm not exactly a skinny girl myself). She seems to know all the bus drivers, and when she gets on the bus she stands right at the front, by the driver's cabin, leans on the front railing on the front window and chats to them. She gets off after me, not sure how much further on.

It makes me a bit cross that she chats loudly to them for the journey, I'd rather the bus driver was concentrating on the road, and there is a sign that says 'don't stand forward of this point and distract the driver', or something to that effect, but if the bus driver chooses to chat to her then there's not much to be done about it.

There are two actual problems. One is that it's really quite difficult to get on and off the bus past her, and I can't see why the drivers don't tell her to move. I'm often travelling with baby DD, but I've always got her in a sling so it's not too difficult for me but I feel sorry for those with pushchairs/shopping trollies who have to negotiate around her. She's often got lots of bags of shopping with her although if there's space she does put them in the luggage rack. If there isn't space they are just at her feet.

The other problem is that now that it's dark early in the evening, it's really hard to see where the bus stop is out of the (usually quite grubby) windows. I live in a smallish, not terribly well lit village so you have to be on the ball to press the bell at the right point. If I missed my stop it would mean travelling on to the next village and then a 50 minute wait for the bus back, or a 45 minute walk in the dark along a busy road with no pavement. So I don't fancy that. Obviously the front window is nice and clean, so I (and I imagine others) look out the front to see where we are. Problem is, if she is there, she really is so very large that it's very hard to see out of the window. That sounds awful, I'm not trying to make a comment on her being a big lady, it just genuinely is difficult to see where we are.

I have inwardly seethed about this for 18 months, since we moved to the village. It's worse again now because of the clocks going back and it being dark earlier.

My question is - would I BU to write a letter of complaint to the bus company? And if I did, what on earth would I say? I don't want to get the bus drivers into trouble, they're all really nice...

Apologies for the long and frankly quite petty rant. But I wonder if IABU? Or is this something you would be annoyed by?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 11/11/2011 13:09

Errrrm scratches head

I'd just tell the driver which stop I need and ask him to let me know when I'm there.

And obviously, I'd ask the woman to move so I could get off the bus.

Job done!

flipflopper · 11/11/2011 13:09

Yes, complain, i would.
She is blocking the way, and distracting the driver.

JeremyVile · 11/11/2011 13:11

Yes, write a letter.

Not a letter of complaint as such, but basically outlinging what happens and why this is problematic. Ask then to ensure all of their drivers enforce the 'do not talk to driver/ stand forward of this sign' thing.

No need really to emphasise this is about one particular person.

And try not to sound mad.

loserface · 11/11/2011 13:12

I dont know if there's much the bus company could do tbh? If it was me I would just ask her if she could move as she is in the way. Totally understand if you dont want any confrontation though.

That would really piss me off if I was you.

lisaro · 11/11/2011 13:17

I'd just ring the bus company and explain exactly what you've said here, including the fact that the drivers are lovely. You're not being unreasonable at all. It causes problems. All they need to do is have a word with the drivers on that route to ensure she sits down.

Givememorecheese · 11/11/2011 13:19

I'd be concerned about it from a health and safety stand point. Aside from the obvious - she's distracting the driver - it sounds like she'd have an awful lot of momentum if the driver had to do an emergency stop or happened to swerve or hit something. For her own safety, and the safety of other passengers, she should be sitting down. Or if there's no room for her to sit down, she should at least be standing well away from the doors and windscreen.

MissMap · 11/11/2011 13:34

Worra you must have far more helpful bus drivers where you live than we do.

Ours dont seem to like picking passengers up very much. I would not dare to ask them to remind me when to get off.

The fat lady is a hazzard, UANBU.

Icelollycraving · 11/11/2011 13:47

Well,I think you could perhaps write to say the bus' windows are very dirty & there are often people blocking access/view so it makes it difficult to see your stop. Is there only one stop for your village? That seems odd.
In the meantime you could ask the driver to tell you when you are there or befriend the lady so she sits down for a chat or ask her to tell you when you are there. She could then keep a lookout for your stop & is more likely to shift out of the way in time.

AnotherEmptyNest · 11/11/2011 13:48

Do the drivers answer her when she talks to them?

I would contact the bus company and tell them what you have written here. Ask for an Inspector to come incognito and travel on the bus (perhaps you could give a clue as to which bus and when the fattie gets) until she turns up and gets on. the Inspector could then do the job and warn her for her own safety and the safety and convenience of all the other passengers.

Original poster
everybodysang · 11/11/2011 14:35

oh phew, I was so worried everyone was going to come and tell me that I was being horrible and unreasonable and clearly I was an entitled smug git.
[waits for that to happen now...]

Icelollycraving I realised when I was writing this down that I could frame it around a complaint about the dirty windows. There are actually four stops in the village, but ours is the last and quite a long way from the third stop so it's a pain if you get off early as it's a muddy and rocky path and not much fun in the dark.

worraliberty I know, I know, I should just ask her to get out of the way - I have when I have needed to do but she did give me a filthy look and it's more other people I feel sorry for. I could ask the driver to let me off at the right stop, but it's about 50 minutes into the journey so I couldn't be too sure he would remember.

AnotherEmptyNest yes, they do talk back but I get the impression that some are more happy to talk to her and others. Asking for an inspector to come on is a good idea, I will perhaps put that in my letter.

MissHap "The fat lady is a hazzard, UANBU." Made me really snigger, and cheered me right up. That, and scoffing half a box of Lindt chocolates. This fat lady will be a hazard if I'm not careful.

OP posts:
Original poster
everybodysang · 11/11/2011 14:37

oh, and (drip feeding...) I was particularly cross at her yesterday as she threw me the dirtiest look when my baby screeched cried and muttered something about her to the bus driver which I didn't catch.

Not that I'm feeling vindictive or anything.

OP posts:
SuePurblybilt · 11/11/2011 14:38

Go on to their website, find the contact us bit and email them the link to this thread. Put 'ref route 345' in the subject line. All done.

If it's barstard Stagecoach, don't expect a response though.

Original poster
everybodysang · 11/11/2011 14:43

It IS barstard Stagecoach! How I hate them and their sky high bus fares. You'd think all that money could pay for someone to throw the miserable fat lady off the bus clean the windows.

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 11/11/2011 14:47

I was thinking YANBU and bit hard done by until your last post - now I think you probably are a bit nasty and started this for a fat rant.

Debs75 · 11/11/2011 14:55

He is breaking the rules and if IRC invalidating the insurance(friend works for bastard stagecoach)
When you complain tell them the route and the times, you could put down the driver and bus no's which are on your tickets as the bus should have cctv so they can check it and put an inspector on to move her.

YANBU as she is a hazard regardless of her size

Original poster
everybodysang · 11/11/2011 14:57

oooooh no, no, please don't think that DoMeDon, I promise I didn't. I shouldn't have mentioned her weight in my last post, just that she was miserable! I honestly didn't. As I said, I'm no skinny girl myself (size 20 since having DD), I just wanted to have a rant. Not a fat rant.

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 11/11/2011 15:04

Yeah, yeah but she's fatter than yow eh!! Fat miserable baby hating caaaah!!

Wink

Fair enough then - I don't think she deserves to be thrown off the bus, just made to sit down. I would e-mail Stagecoach too. Well done for the name and shame Smile

Original poster
everybodysang · 11/11/2011 15:07

I don't actually want her to be thrown off the bus unless she says nasty things about my baby again but yes, it would be good if she had to sit down. I am going to email them now.

Bet you'll all be on tenterhooks waiting for the reply, eh?

OP posts:
SnapesMistress · 11/11/2011 15:55

Ooh deffo, tell all. :)

lisaro · 12/11/2011 02:35

Playing on the mucky windows is all very well, but how will they save you if the bus driver brakes suddenly and there's 22 stone of chubby bint and shopping on top of you?Wink

Bearskinwoolies · 12/11/2011 03:52

Everybodysang - I work for that company; if you live near me (Fife) I can get you some contact info Smile

Definitely complain - there are all sorts of regulations regarding the safety of passengers, and the drivers are out of order allowing her to do this.
I have seen people stand there and talk to the drivers before, but unless it's another member of staff the drivers are supposed to tell them to sit down.

StinkyWeimaraner · 12/11/2011 03:58

Can the drivers see their mirrors with her stood there? Sounds like they might squash a cyclist doing this.

Original poster
everybodysang · 14/11/2011 15:43

I haven't actually managed to write my letter yet - got a cold/work/baby not sleeping/brain melted, but I am going to try and do it later.

Bearskinwoolies sadly I am in the east of England. But thank you for the info - it does seem as if it must be some kind of breach of regulations.

Stinky hadn't thought about that, but it must be tricky to see the left mirror, I think? Will put that in my letter I think...

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 14/11/2011 15:50

I think you are being unreasonable ... and pretty mean too.

Gingefringe · 14/11/2011 15:59

I would accidentally on purpose trip over one of her shopping bags and perhaps kick it out through the door when you were getting off the bus.