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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shared Driveway AIBU

109 replies

PerryCombover · 10/11/2011 15:10

Don't wanna drip so here is the saga

Neighbour whom I share a driveway with told me to use the driveway and keep my car beside the house when I moved in.
Her reasons were that she lived on her own and didn't have a car and at the time I had two toddlers and was heavily preggo. We also live on a main road.
I was very grateful.

We are v good to live next door to wrt noise, cleanliness etc..there have been no complaints. Except.. that the neighbours daughter decided to have a series of rants at me about abusing her mother and the driveway being shared etc.
I was clear that her mother had made the suggestion and I was very grateful.

Wind on a year and the neighbour has asked that I park my car on the footpath outside the house. She has examined the deeds and would like the driveway to be empty. I think but agree to do so as long as I can offload the kids and then move the car.
She then comes back to me and suggests that I simply move the car to the bottom of the driveway as it will be safer for us all.
Lovely, everyone is happy or so I think.

Today neighbour has come back and said although she understands it will be difficult she doesn't want me to offload children in driveway or park at the bottom of driveway

Better that we agree simply to use the driveway to walk up.

Even though I know I will prevent my neighbour from parking her non existent car in our shared driveway I think I'm gonna park at the bottom on my half, AIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
PerryCombover · 10/11/2011 17:06

I think it is just an access driveway tbh
There is probably parking along the drive for about 4 or five cars but no actual specific space and it doesn't lead anywhere or to any space

It would have been nice if we could have shared the space happily moving when required etc.
She and D now think that is unfair as her mother doesn't have a car
Now although it was once okay they want to space vacant at all times

I know I'm being unreasonable but it.doesn't.make.sense.to.me to park on the road if there is an empty driveway.
I honestly would never ever suggest that if i didn't have a car and she did as it's mental

OP posts:
SarahBumBarer · 10/11/2011 17:06

You need the deeds. You need to know whether you own half of the drive or you both half-own all of the drive such that she is entitled to access all of the drive

If the former then you can park on your half and it is tough if she has created her garden such that she cannot park on her side. If it is the latter then you should not be parking on the drive.

Regardless of the parking situation, it seems to me that you are perfectly entitled to access the drive in order to loand/unload - that is what driveways are for.

Shutupanddrive · 10/11/2011 17:08

I'm a bit confused. But surely if it's a shared driveway, she doesn't have any more right over it than you do, so how can she tell you what to do?

BonzoDooDah · 10/11/2011 17:12

Does the Daughter also think it is unfair that say, you have three children and she not? How bloody weird, petty and just unfriendly. I'd be asking them what their exact problem is with it all. Ask them in which way is it directly affecting them as to disrupt their way of life and cause them detriment. If they could come up with one single thing I'd be amazed.

ragged · 10/11/2011 17:13

Wish you were brave enough to give us a link on Google Earth!

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 10/11/2011 17:14

Let's get this straight YANBU

Leave your car where it is. Leave the onus on her to prove it cannot be parked their (in light of the fact she has the wall on her 'equivalent' of where you are parked.

Another possibility is that you could park right at the top of the driveway as there is nothing to access past that, you are not stopping her from doing anything.

Do not make your life difficult to bend to the will of her nasty daughter. Just don't.

Xmasbaby11 · 10/11/2011 17:15

She sounds really petty! Poor you.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 10/11/2011 17:16

Vallium's right (and she's asked the question enough times) you need to look at the deeds to see what the rights are over the shared driveway. From what you've described it might even have started life as a driveway for each house and then she blocked hers by building the front garden wall and just started using yours as if it were a shared driveway. BUT this is all speculation without looking at the deeds. If the deeds are not clear then get some legal advice for clarification.

VenetiaLanyon · 10/11/2011 17:18

Do you get to use the garden that she has made on half of the driveway? Or is it just used by your neighbour?

catawampus · 10/11/2011 17:19

YANBU YANBU YANBU YANBU

OP: YANBU

valiumredhead · 10/11/2011 17:21

Ghoul Thank God someone noticed Grin

Original poster
PerryCombover · 10/11/2011 17:21

deed link brilliant but no good to me as not in England or Wales
Sorry

OP posts:
Original poster
PerryCombover · 10/11/2011 17:25

You are right, Valium has asked repeatedly and I have replied that I will get the deeds asap
deeds or not though a lot of hassle is a lot of hassle....blardy daughter is a one tbh

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 10/11/2011 17:29

I just rang my solicitor and they looked at the deeds - wasn't a lot of hassle.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 10/11/2011 17:37

I understand your point re hassle and doubt that your neighbour has any right to stop you unloading on the drive and then parking elsewhere at a very minimum. But the tread was just pissing me off as basically no one here can answer the question without know what the legal docs say but still the posts continued on and on and on...

Original poster
PerryCombover · 10/11/2011 17:45

it's been brilliant as i needed to have a rant and now I have
I also knew I was being unreasonable and so were they
I wasn't expecting a resolution to be honest or free legal advice...just some viper support which I got and a chance to get straight by ranting

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
BonzoDooDah · 10/11/2011 17:52

:)

LydiaWickham · 10/11/2011 18:09

Actually, if you say originally it was gardens, then at some point, the previous owners have both chosen to give up a bit of their gardens to make a shared drive - however it might not be actually reflected in the deeds, as this is nothing more than a glorified garden path on each side of the boundry that previous owners have chosen not to put a boundry wall on in order to make it useable as a drive.

Get your deeds, if there's nowt about her having access to your half of the drive, then you can park on your half of hte drive and your garden, it's up to her to 'make' a drive for herself by knocking down her wall and covering her garden. It might be the case that she has a right to use your half of the drive for access for loading and unloading, but then you'd have a right to use her half of the drive for the same reason, so as long as you unloaded then parked on the road, it would be fine, although you'd then have to keep it clear for her to be able to do the same.

I can't see that she's got an argument byond that, either it's half yours but you both have a right to use the other person's half, or it's half yours and you don't have a right to use the others, but it's not going to be that she has a right to insist you keep your half free so she can load/unload, but you cant load unload, and if you can't park on her half, why should any guest of hers be allowed to park on your half?

callmemrs · 10/11/2011 19:00

I am still confuzzled!

Normally shared drive would be precisely that. a single width shared drive leading to a garage or parking space which is private. I dont understand why you would have a shared drive if it doesn't lead anywhere. What is the point? The only point seems to be that either of you could drive up, unload and then park elsewhere.

She sounds a bit bonkers, but I expect her concern is that if she agrees to you parking there, it will become 'custom and use' or whatever the legal phrase is, and any subsequent owner might decide to park there too, which would devalue her property

cambridgeferret · 10/11/2011 19:39

IMO, best answer is to get the deeds, take them round and put them in front of her. It's difficult to argue when the facts are in front of you (but some people still try)

Worked with my neighbour when she kept putting her 4 x 4 in an area which was a) designated as a no-parking area b)belonging to us and c)the turning area. Problem stopped immediately. She genuinely hadn't realised.

Shared drives are always a PITA though. Good luck, I know how stressful these things can be.

TandB · 10/11/2011 19:48

You definitely need to see the deeds. I may have missed the answer to this but if you park outside your house are you entirely on what would be your garden if you had one, ie your own property or are you still on your shared drive?

If you are still on the shared drive then does her garden take up part of the shared drive?

If you are on your own property for parking then she doesn't have a leg to stand on as you are using the drive for access which is presumably its sole purpose. If you are on half of the shared drive, but she has a garden on her half of the shared drive then she is on equally shaky ground in trying to enforce this issue as you could, I would imagine, turn round and say "well I want your plants and grass off the shared drive if you want my car off it."

It is difficult to be sure without seeing a plan, but it does sound as though she may have taken part of the shared drive for her own personal use as a garden, but still expects you to leave the other part of it for her unrestricted use too.

My initial thoughts would be that the parking issue will need further looking at, but the access for dropping off/unloading is a non-starter - if a drive is for access then she has no right to tell you not to use it for access.

In relation to the daughter, I would simply refuse to engage with her at all if she is remotely agressive. If she comes to your door shouting, close the door and don't answer it again. If she approaches you outside, walk away and go in the house. If she continues to behave like this then write a short note to your neighbour saying that you are reluctant to escalate matters but if a guest in her house continues to harass you in your own home you will have to seek legal advice or call the police. As a pp said, it might be worth adding that you want to avoid having to do this as it would have to be declared in the event of either of you selling your homes and could put potential buyers off.

PorkChopSter · 10/11/2011 19:53

I noticed Val

LeBOF · 10/11/2011 20:09

I need a sketch Confused

heleninahandcart · 10/11/2011 20:21

You must get the deeds. In England and Wales, one of you will usually actually own the land and both of you will have right of access. I have this with my next door neighbour. The side access (single) is meant for an imaginary garage that we would each have at the side of our back gardens. It also therefore goes nowhere. By rights, I cannot park there as he is a miserable git I would be blocking his access.

SlightlyDoolally · 10/11/2011 20:29

Our previous house had a shared driveway just as you describe with nothing at the end of it. Our solicitor told us it was built so that back in t'good old days the coal truck could deliver coal into the outhouses - it wasn't intended for parking.

In the midst of our house purchase our solicitor also pointed out that, actually, it was illegal for either us or our neighbour to park on the driveway, because there was still some legal thing about it being left vacant for the coal truck. We had to apply to the council for a "deed of rectification" and have it changed to allow us to park on it.

We were luckier than you, though, and our neighbour was reasonable. The shared access annoyed both of us so we teamed up and hired someone to widen the driveway so we could park side by side. In the end, we got 4 cars across it widthways and both retained quite a bit of front garden.

Not sure how this helps you, but might explain why the drive is as it is?