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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shared Driveway AIBU

109 replies

PerryCombover · 10/11/2011 15:10

Don't wanna drip so here is the saga

Neighbour whom I share a driveway with told me to use the driveway and keep my car beside the house when I moved in.
Her reasons were that she lived on her own and didn't have a car and at the time I had two toddlers and was heavily preggo. We also live on a main road.
I was very grateful.

We are v good to live next door to wrt noise, cleanliness etc..there have been no complaints. Except.. that the neighbours daughter decided to have a series of rants at me about abusing her mother and the driveway being shared etc.
I was clear that her mother had made the suggestion and I was very grateful.

Wind on a year and the neighbour has asked that I park my car on the footpath outside the house. She has examined the deeds and would like the driveway to be empty. I think but agree to do so as long as I can offload the kids and then move the car.
She then comes back to me and suggests that I simply move the car to the bottom of the driveway as it will be safer for us all.
Lovely, everyone is happy or so I think.

Today neighbour has come back and said although she understands it will be difficult she doesn't want me to offload children in driveway or park at the bottom of driveway

Better that we agree simply to use the driveway to walk up.

Even though I know I will prevent my neighbour from parking her non existent car in our shared driveway I think I'm gonna park at the bottom on my half, AIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
PerryCombover · 10/11/2011 16:29

I agree that if it is an access point it doesn't have halfs...this is how the daughter and now the neighbour are describing it
I know I am being a tool but I am cross and feel like digging my heels in

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 10/11/2011 16:29

So as I said its her wall causing the problem?

Tough fucking titty.

I would park on my own bit and tell her to take the wall down if shes so bothered.

Sounds like she wants the best of both worlds imo. Tell her if she wanted a garden and a drive she should have considered that before she bought the property.

GalaxyWeaver · 10/11/2011 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icooksocks · 10/11/2011 16:32

Go down the path/driveway-take a picture and upload for all to see. Cos I cant understand this at all. Or draw a diagram on paintand upload that Grin

Original poster
PerryCombover · 10/11/2011 16:33

I need to get a copy of the deeds

I hate conflict and was prepared to do what she wanted to keep an easy life at my house but actually....it makes no sense to me
I have never prevented her access
Always been polite, swept driveway weekly regularly had it power hosed
I of course never used driveway when she had workmen there etc

OP posts:
ragged · 10/11/2011 16:34

I can't really get it all, but here goes:
Your driveway is for access. You wish to access your house via the drive, that would include offloading the children there. Extremely reasonable.
People park their cars on their drives, this is reasonable use, too.

It sounds like she wants you to never ever drive or park your car on the shared drive. Never. That is completely U. Especially if in theory she wants her (hypothetical) guests to be able to drive & park on her bit of drive.

diddl · 10/11/2011 16:34

Is she worried about wear & tear by your car & having to pay for repairs caused by it, iyswim?

Original poster
PerryCombover · 10/11/2011 16:34

Thanks everyone for all your answers by the way

OP posts:
AurraSing · 10/11/2011 16:37

We need a draw facility on mumsnet Grin

So she doesn't want you to use the drive ever - nor even to unload - in case she has friends visiting, who presumably she want to let park there?

Check the deeds.

anonacfr · 10/11/2011 16:37

Should be simple to find out whether it's an access point or not. If not you're totally allowed to park on your half.
If it is an access point it sounds like her wall and garden are illegal- find out and threaten to sue her! That should shut her up... Grin

Seriously I can't believe she questioned your fitness as a parent for buying a house on a dodgy road. Passive aggressive bitch!

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 10/11/2011 16:39

Yes - I'd get the deeds out, they might prove the point that her wall should not have been built and without knowing what they say we are all only guessing.

However, it sounds like you are fine parking where you are, on your 'garden' part.

Also, if it is actually a 'shared driveway' and not her driveway that she's permitted you to use - she cannot tell you not to use it to offload the children!

Original poster
PerryCombover · 10/11/2011 16:43

It all started so well though - when she suggested we park there. I was so glad she had suggested and that I hadn't broached it.
Then daughter came and had a massive shouty rant over the fact that we had simply done as her mother had suggested

I'm calming down now and might go and move the car onto the road. Can't face the aggro

OP posts:
alemci · 10/11/2011 16:43

when you park are you on the driveway or are you on your own property outside the front door or window of front room or are you still in the shared drive.

I know my in laws had a shared drive on a 50s detached house. you couldn't really park down the share drive as it was so narrow and they had a garage at the end of it.

they made a drive in the garden which is what alot of people do. Shared drives are definitely difficult.

I think my parents old house had one and both parties managed to park their cars outside the garages. This was in the late 60's/early 70's. I think cars have become wider as I don't think we could have got our car in the garage of our current house.

Firawla · 10/11/2011 16:45

it sounds like she is bvu, the way im picturing it its two driveway/garden areas on the front of your houses sounds similar to mine and i find it weird why she cant just use her own side and you use your own side! as any normal person would do. if she has chosen to make her one into a garden instead of parking space that is her own problem. you've done nothing wrng, just park in it

ENormaSnob · 10/11/2011 16:45

Please don't back down.

WTF should you park on the road when you have a shared drive and parking space in front of your house?

Check the deeds and seek legal advice especially re the walled garden.

catawampus · 10/11/2011 16:48

I can't believe anyone would risk your dc's safety like your neighbour seems to be doing. Madness. I'd be saying: whatever you need to do to keep them safe.

anonacfr · 10/11/2011 16:48

Regardless of the drive situation she has no right to forbid you from offloading your children.
Just check the deeds.

If you are actually allowed to park and her garden is illegal I would suggest going over with the deeds to show her. I'm a bit obsessed with insurance but there might be an issue with access and her wall anyway. I would go and sort it in person so that her daughter can't kick up a fuss next time she visits.

GalaxyWeaver · 10/11/2011 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 10/11/2011 16:54

I think that it´s confusing as it doesn´t seem to lead to an obvious parking place iyswim.

PorkChopSter · 10/11/2011 16:55

But what do the deeds say?

HappyCamel · 10/11/2011 16:56

You can download your plan and hers from the land registry site. It costs about £4 each. The boundaries and shared access should be clear.

www.landregistry.gov.uk/wps/portal/Property_Search

Original poster
PerryCombover · 10/11/2011 16:58

My usually insane mother tells me that it has a lot to do with there not being anyone in the house for 2 yrs before we moved in and the mental daughter. The lack of neighbours have made the daughter consider the shared property as her mother's.
Brother usually sane has said next time hairdryer daughter starts shouting to tell her to fark the fark off as she doesn't live there and if not call the police

I could be on a program with the horrible bald Dom bloke

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/11/2011 16:59

I'm confused . . . why don't you park in your front garden?

You are perfectly within your rights to use the drive to unload and that's none of her business, and to complain about it when she doesn't even have a car is pathetic and petty. But I don't understand why you need to unload on the drive if you can park in your garden?

notquitenormal · 10/11/2011 17:01

We have a shared drive. It's a passage between two semis to garages at the back. Like most people here, we have made parking in the front garden so we can both fit two cars in front of the house without blocking the middle of the drive and therefore access.

It's fairly clear (even in legalease) in the deeds that we're not allowed to put anything up that would block access to the garages or shared passage; so while my neighbour has a little garden wall, it stops halfway across his bit so that access isn't blocked. (it also says in the deeds that we're never allowed to become a doctors or fish and chip shop Confused)

Difficult to tell without seeing it, but it sound like her wall that's the problem. Unless it was built that way and the driveways came later, maybe?

BonzoDooDah · 10/11/2011 17:04

Perry I simply wouldn't move the car onto the road. Honestly! Why the hell should you? She and her daughter sound like miserable ranty old cows.

  1. you are not blocking her access to her house
  2. you have children and it is safer for you to use the drive than the road - ANYONE with an ounce of sense would see that this is the best option for you
  3. if she needs access you can move your car without any bother
  4. Why should her theoretical visitors have more right to drive up the drive than you do?
  5. she has built the wall restricting her access not you so she should live with the consequences of more restricted access
  6. They are just being argumentative idiots. Anyone mediating this would reason that this arrangement has worked for over a year without dispute and there has been nothing on either side to change the status quo except their opinion changing. So a mediator would decide in favour of how it has been.

Seriously I would leave the car there, say you are checking the deeds (and consulting a solicitor) and until that has happened you will continue to park in a considerate manner and in the safest way for your family as has been the case for the last year.

I'd be really disappointed if you made it more unsafe for your family to satisfy a mere whim of a neighbour who just seems like they are spoiling for a fight.