to restrain my desire to shout incomprehensibly at my *&^%$£ mother?

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

She is leaving me in the lurch (a bit)

In short I am going to a fancy dress party at the weekend with two of my children. I am as going as Arwen from LOTR (found a dress and elf ears on ebay) to complete the look I bought some velvet asked my mum who is better at sewing than I to make it into a cloak and sent her the material a couple of weeks ago. She should have the time as she does not work and she seemed quite taken with the idea and enthused - but for some reason she said she would wait until she had stopped looking after her friends dog before she would start making it.

In the meantime I have sourced and started making two outfits for my kids - Jewel from Rio and Luke Skywalker.

I spoke to Mum on tue and listened symapathetically as she was telling me about her 'friend' who disappered abroad for a fortnight and left Mum looking after her dog (she was meant to be back in a week but was still away). The cloak was not mentioned.

I got a text later saying she was not going to be able to make the cloak and she was going to return the material. I was peeved but I thought I would still be able to fashion something. Today get another text saying 'can I keep the material and try again?' arrrggghhh I have asked her to return the material and I hope it arrives tommorrow. Otherwise I have wasted £25 (material and postage as I sent cash to mum to buy thread and cover postage etc.

She was doing me a favour but I was very clear that she did not have to do it.

apologies for poor spelling on op.

Btw she does not have the dog at her flat she goes to her friends house to feed and walk him.

Right. Maybe a slight over reaction there?

How old are you? Some of us don't have mothers to do anything for us. Ungrateful, that's what you are.

It's annoying to not get want you want, but your post sounds self-absorbed and selfish, sorry.

If you want something done, guaranteed, do it yourself. If it's not crucial, ask for help and accept that it might not go your way.

So YABU imo.

I am venting instead of reacting to my Mother -as it were. So yes you are right but when I have been pulling 1am bedtimes attaching foam feathers to my daughters outfit (my choice yes I know) I think I am slightly irrational deranged when I think of mum walking a dog a couple of times a day but with no time....

Also I love how you refer to your mother with some concealed profanity. Good values you'll pass on to your children there.

I don't think you are BU to be annoyed that she hasn't done it when she said she would.

Other posters: Why is she ungrateful? Her mother said she'd do it, she hasn't & now she's left BMSA with a problem. What part of that should she be grateful for??

As for the things we say on here being values we pass onto our children - that's just rubbish. She didn't say to her kids 'Your granny, she's a (&(&^^()' did she - NO, she came on here to vent. It doesn't pass anything on to her kids.

It's a party though, not a competition (or is it). Supposed to be fun. Elaborate costumes are ludicrous unless you're a good seamstress or have oddles of time.

Not your mother's fault that you've bitten off more than you can chew . Sounds like you know that you might be being unreasonable though .

BMSA - I can't believe the amount of effort you are putting into these costumes. I really can't. We will need photos!!

Look, I no longer have my mother but that doesn't mean I can't empathise with the OP. Lovely and amazing and very, very dear to me though she was - she could still wind me up!

Anyway I wonder if it's a case of "if you want something doing, ask a busy person" (or rather the opposite of that iyswim). I know that if I have too much time on my hands my organisational skills go to pot; maybe your mum is the same.

If someone offers to do you a favour - even though it is indeed a favour - if they let you down they can leave you in a worse position than you would have been in had they not offered.

I'm waiting for the "if that's all you've got to worry about" posts...

OP you clearly need to get out more if this is enough to sen you to this level of appoplexy

I dont think you are being unreasonable. If you say you are going to do something you do it, its not important if its your mother or your boss or your friend, she said she would do it. If she doesnt want to thats fine, but she should give you the time to make the cloak. I dont think it matters that she is busy or not, she said she would do it so she should.

I can see it's disappointing. Does Arwen absolutely have to have a cloak?

Ok I shall get me cloak coat then.

I just thought it would have been helpful to get the material back sooner.

I do appreciate that it is far from important but sometimes unimportant trivial matters cause out of proportion irritation, perhaps I am reacting more strongly due to our history and her tendency to let me down in this minor matters that I have built up a store of resentment. But obviously I am not going to shun or swear at her about this directly.

My q was actually aibu to restrain my desire to shout so are you sure iabu!

YANBU to restrain from shouting. Just learn not to keep asking her if she has a history of letting you down!

I have never heard anything so awful in all my born days. Does she not understand about LOTR?

My internet is slow - so I see I have some more sympathetic replies (I appreciate both) as it helps me return to a reasonable frame of mind. I think the second glass of wine I should not have had last night combined with the gluing till 1am has left me a tad grumpy.

I asked mum because she likes making things and sewing and is creative I thought she might enjoy it and when I asked I had plenty of time so was not concerned about it. So I was not being presumptive or entitled - I do like giving her stuff to do as well because (she has depression) as by her own admission she sometimes stays in bed/ in her flat and needs a bit of encouragement/ projects etc.

I should get the material back tomorrow and will have to fashion something but my sewing skills are basic just hope it dosesn't look crap. I have ideas and have enjoyed making the costumes but can't really work on them during the day as a toddler and lots of superglue., pins and sharp scissors are bad combination.

Yes, like Hully I am shocked and saddened at the lack of cloak.

believe me these are not 'elaborate costumes' Funtime - just fashioned by an amateur therefore with more enthusiasm than skill and liable to look v wonky by the end of the night - I have enjoyed my part in making things just needed the time is all.

thank you hully and schobe - I am glad you understand the importance of the cloak - without it I am going to look like maid marian or fiona from shrek with spock ears!

Ah BMSA, maybe I have issues with committment to a project then. If I was finding myself sewing feathers on at silly-o'clock, I'd say 'bugger that, change of plan time' .

Could you not modify the ears, go green and go as Fiona from Shrek or am I completely missing the point?

YANBU not to shout - she doesn't deserve it and you are being a drama queen. It's only a cloak - LOTR is pap anyhoo.

Me a drama queen??!! You know not what you say! [Flounces off]

you should have flounced with a swish of your cape........ oops, I forgot

Well exactly! [Runs sobbing from the room.... Slams door]