To be utterly sick of my husbands gym habit?

[rogersmellyonthetelly]

He wakes at 5.45 am every day, get up and goes to the gym. He goes at this time because his friend also works out and they go together for motivation.
Problem is that he 1) always puts his alarm on snooze so not only does it wake me the first time, it wakes me again 10 minutes later. 2) he wakes up the puppy which then shuffles round in the crate and sounds like a small elephant tap dancing on a drum. 3) him going downstairs and turning off the burglar alarm wakes up the kids who then come and get into my bed thus ruining any hope of getting back to sleep.
Aibu to be utterly fecking sick to the teeth of my whole house being woken up 1.5 hours before the required time every day of the sodding week?
He also goes to bed at 9pm and eats only chicken and rice which is really really pissing me off as we don't have meals together either as a family or as a couple any more. It's been like this for 2 months and so far I can see no change in his physique whatsoever.

It strikes me he goes at silly o'clock because you "insist" he be back at 7.30.
Imho YAB a bit U.

And as far as bad habits go, this could be a lot worse. Alcoholism, OW, crack......... (no I'm not kidding)

Buy some earplugs. Get him to take the puppy downstairs. Let him cook his own chicken and micro-rice.

That would totally piss me off too. YANBU.

We have similar here but dh gets up to run the mutt at 6am. The snooze button goes on for half hour...

Honestly some mornings i could batter him with the fecking alarm clock.

YANBU. When you work and have Dc sleep is too precious to be sabotaged by a an adult member of the household. Recently I went on a day trip abroad for work. I set the alarm for 5.30am and turned it off the minute it squeaked and got out of bed and snuck into the bathroom where I laid all my clothes etc so I could dress without disturbing anyone. I then tip toed out the house. Your DH should do the same. The chicken and rice thing is ridiculous but his choice.

POpcorn mouse - why shouldn't OP insist he is back to help with DC? Why should she do this alone while he pursues his hobby - everyday - if it were couple of times a week that would be different, but it's not.

He's an arse.

Doesnt this affect your sex life?

What do the dcs think?

He is being v selfish to prioirtise a silly hobby over his family. Have you conasidered lone parenting?

A bit of both. 5.45 isn't that early to be up. The alarm thing would drive me nuts - my partner does the same thing (snooze) and I've never understood it. Why not just get up the first time it goes off? If he manages to get up quietly that's fair enough. I assume you've worked it out that it's your responsibility to get the kids up - if not, he shouldn't be going to the gym every day.

I think it's quite reasonable to insist he's back by 7.30 if it's down to the two of you to get children ready for bed - they're both of yours after all, and why should you have to work 24/7 when he doesn't?

So long as he prepares his own food I don't see that as all that unreasonable, though it would annoy me too. He's not getting a balanced diet though, which I assume he's aware of.

Basically it sounds as though he's going a bit OTT. As a long term thing he needs to tone it down if it isn't going to affect your relationship. On the other hand a few early mornings at the gym don't sound unreasonable.

YANBU at all. I totally agree with Zimm, why shouldn't the OP's husband be back by 7.30, it's not fair that she should have to do everything to sort the kids out every morning whilst her husband does what he likes.

OP, I totally understand you feeling annoyed. He's behaving in a inconsiderate and antisocial way, not something he can do long term if he wants to remain in a happy marriage!

YANBU. Wait until he's asleep and unplug/unset his alarm.

And yes, he should be home by 7.30! That's hardly early. Why should the OP have to do everything herself?

If he's preparing his own food then let him get on with it (and do the washing up) but insist on a nice meal out every month.

DH should get up immediately rather than snooze the alarm - if he's waking the puppy, either he or the puppy should be in a different room. Is it possible to reduce the volume on your alarm system so that he doesnt wake up the kids? Otherwise I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about that other than suggest he train in the evenings instead after the kids are down (you're not eating together as a couple anyway). And as for the antisocial eating - well, he can eat plenty of meals which are protein based and bulk up with brown rice on the side if he wanted to.

YABU aside the snooze button.

Def. sounds lke he's opted out of his married life and family life. What he's doing and the inconsiderate way he's doing it both show that. YANBU.

Needs talking about. Calmly.

Cogito is very evil. But is Cogito wrong?

I totally agree with those of you that are saying that the OP's DH has opted out of family life. It amazes me how many men, my own DH at times, just do this. I bet far fewer women do it, men seem to think spending time with their family and pulling their weight with their own children is optional and only needs doing at times to suit them

I wondered the same as Cogito...

YANBU - a family is a team- he is acting like a single man (apart from coming home at 730 to get DC ready with you). It is far more important for the family to sleep and eat together tahn it is for him to get up early and eat chicken! He is being a selfish twat. Have you stated your case? What is his reaction?

I think Cogito is right.

I've known several married men who came out as gay and it always started with going to the gym all the time 'with a friend' and distancing themselves from family life.

But regardless, he's being totally selfish and you shouldn't put up with it.

I wouldn't make a big deal about the food, I think we should respect each other's diets if they're for health reasons.

But I would tell him the earliest he can get up is 6.30 or something. Even that is bad but 5.45 is ridiculous!!!

Cogito and dreaming are both right. He is opting out of family life. he is opting out of being with you and he is being a selfish git. He is out of the house for over 12 hours a day He is either having an affair or a mid life crisis. Sit him down tonight. tell him if he wants to get up at stupid o clock then he can sleep somewhere else. ask him why he won't engage in family life and make it very clear that you know where this is heading (because you do and that is why you posted!) He isnt single - is his friend? Have you met the friend? If not then you need to. Unless you get a grip on this asap then he will think this is the way of life. he is having all the fun you are having all the crap - simple as!

Is a hard one.

Diet bit is as difficult as the getting up bit. We have that a little bit. I am supposed to be pleased DP now slimmer and more energetic for demanding work. Can't help feeling I might be the same if I too had a personal trainer.

YANBU to find this v annoying.

But some of the posters have over reacted a bit IMO.

He is out of the house for over 12 hours a day He is either having an affair or a mid life crisis - WTF? My DH is out of the house for 12 hours a day on average, if he's having an affair or a mid-life crisis then it's been going on ever since we got married, way before DCs!!

YANBU surely he doesn't need to go to the gym every day anyway? 3 times a week may be a better compromise and let him stay longer on those days?

YANBU.

I'd tell him he goes 'no snooze', sleeps in the spare room and wakes no one or I'll be unplugging the fucking alarm clock every day and, when I come in to go to bed, waking him up.

mumof3 if the OP didnt think his behaviour was odd and out of the norm then she wouldnt have posted would she. if you have a partner who suddenly insists on going to the gym every day really early and coming home later than was previously the norm at night when you have done all the things with the kids then it is the change in routine that is odd. perhaps your DH has always been out of the house for over 12 hours a day and that if he suddenly didnt leave until 10 am in the morning and was back at 5pm every night then you would wonder what on earth was going on. It is the same thing.

Cognito Has he told you he's gay yet?

OP just make sure he doesn't take up fishing at the weekends too

0545!

You have the patience of a saint of you've put up with that for more than 3 days, op. The shit would've hit the fan in my house by now

0545 is still yesterday!

I would be furious with someone who did this because I would never think of doing this to my family.

For years I had to work early. I would lay all my clothes out in the living room the night before and pack my lunch.

There are now alarms which go off under your pillow, a vibration. But I had at the time a radio set low, and would rise up, NEVER snooze, and leave our bedroom, go out in the flat and get myself ready in stockinged feet, waking no one. There were two young children and my husband and myself in a small, second-floor flat.

There is no need to wake others. It is inconsiderate, always. I would not appreciate this done to me so I did not do it to others.

Absolutely, Em. It's what a decent person would do.

fucking about with the alarm clock like that is a hanging offence in my book!