It was parent-teacher conferences a few days ago. DS is in Yr 3. In every single parent-teacher conference before, I've been told about his work, strengths and weaknesses, a brief bit about how he's behaving, a few anecdotes, etc. Pretty normal stuff. I always make sure I have a few questions to ask about aspects of schoolwork, e.g. which times tables should he be learning, or how he seems socially, but nothing too deep. I have never heard anything worse than that my DS can be perfectionist about some things which makes him worried about trying, but last year his teacher made a point of encouraging him to fail, if that makes sense, and after a term he seemed to be back merrily trying without worrying overly much.
This time, with his new teacher, it was completely different. It was, bluntly, a character assassination. Six minutes of how awful my DS is: he is violent towards other children, he over-reacts all the time, he cries at the slightest thing, he is too polite (!) in group situations. At one point his teacher said, "Quite often when I listen to him I can tell he is the eldest of a large family. He thinks that simply being polite will make people listen to him."
I picked up on the violence thing of course, and she said, "Yes, he hit another child with a hoop. By accident, but it still counts as violence." I asked if there had been any other incidents because we do not condone physical violence at all and DS is not naturally a violent child, and she said there hadn't been any. So hitting another child with a hoop once by accident = being violent towards other children.
Once she had finished talking, I asked about his work because she hadn't said a single word about it. She said, "Oh, his maths is adequate. Now, I think it's time for you to go."
I don't want to drip-feed so I'll explain that my FiL was diagnosed with terminal cancer over the summer holidays which has naturally upset my DS. I mentioned it to his teacher at the start of term and also wrote in DS's homework journal when FiL started radiotherapy, just to clarify that if DS seems upset this is probably the reason. I can see that a child who over-reacts and cries at small things might be a bit of a PITA for a teacher, but his grandfather is dying a pretty painful, drawn-out death so surely a bit of empathy wouldn't go amiss! I am also wondering if she actually remembers about DS's grandfather's illness.
Anyway, what with all that negative feedback, I didn't get round to asking my one single question, which is why DS is coming home with reading books he read two years ago. He is reading Harry Potter at home so I'm not terribly fussed about the books he brings home from school being at a much lower level, but it would be nicer for him to have a bit more of a challenge.
So AIBU to ask for another meeting to offer an explanation for DS's recent over-sensitivity and also to ask WTF is the problem with being polite, why a single accidental hoop incident means a child is labelled as violent and why oh why oh why is DS coming home with reading books way below his reading level?
Sorry about the long post.