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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to buy my friend's son a new coat?

49 replies

extremepie · 09/11/2011 11:46

Ok, I was in a charity shop earlier looking for clothes for my 2 DS' and I happened to see a really gorgeous grey leather jacket for 3 quid!

Only problem is it wasn't in my son's size - it was in the size of our best friend's son.

I bought it because it was so lovely (and probably very expensive when new!) but it has occured to me that his parents might object?

I'm not sure why they would but can any of you?
Maybe they wouldn't want something that came from a charity shop?
Maybe they just won't like it?
Maybe they will take it as a comment on the clothes he already has?
Eeek!

OP posts:

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/11/2011 11:49

Gosh, I'd bite your hand off (assuming I liked it that is - I'm thinking grey leather blouson jacket )

All you can do is ask tbh - tell them what you've told us basically.

Is it too big or too small for your DSs?

valiumredhead · 09/11/2011 11:49

I have friends that would be delighted and I have other friends who would be aghast and probably dump me just for going into a charity shop if the first place!

I think as you don't know for sure I wouldn't in your situation but I think you seem a very nice friend :)

Aworryingtrend · 09/11/2011 11:50

I would find this very odd if I were the boy's parents. Maybe if it was a relative eg your nephew but just your friend's son?

A very kind thought but I wouldn't for the possible objections you have listed above.

StandingAlone · 09/11/2011 11:50

What a lovely thing for you to do. FWIW I would love the gesture from a friend and wouldn't think any of what you listed.

I can see why you are worried though, it is hard to guage how someone will react sometimes.

I am actually no help at all am I

Flisspaps · 09/11/2011 11:51

If anyone wanted to buy a lovely gift for DD, I'd be really pleased. And if they can get something fantastic at a bargain price, then I'm even more pleased.

If anyone were to be offended, I'd think it very odd.

TidyDancer · 09/11/2011 11:52

I would've absolutely loved the gesture if it was me. No problem at all with charity shops. Only thing I would make sure of is whether they have any objections to leather, because I do, so I wouldn't have accepted that particular item. I would certainly have been gracious about it though.

LilRedWG · 09/11/2011 11:52

Call your friend and say, "I've just seen a gorgeous coat in the charuity shop but it's not in my DS's size - it's your DS's size. Do you want me to grab it for you?" If she says no you can always stick it on ebay or give back to the charity shop.

Countingwiththecount · 09/11/2011 11:52

Assuming your son is larger, perhaps tell them it's something your DS grew out of..?

Regardless of where the item is from, I wish I had friends who were that thoughtful! (I like scouting charity shops...)

Proudnscary · 09/11/2011 11:53

What Lili said

Proudnscary · 09/11/2011 11:54

Or Lil - can't actually see name properly, my eyes aren't working today.

AChickenCalledKorma · 09/11/2011 11:55

If it's your best friend's son, I think you can get away with it. Tell her (assuming best friend is a her!) that you bought it on impulse, because you really loved it, but it's too big for your son. And offer it to her on the basis that if she doesn't want it, you're happy to take it back to the charity shop. Then the shop is £3 up and your friend has the choice whether to accept.

If it had been a parent you didn't know very well, I'd have said something different. Too much risk that it might be taken the wrong way.

(And also bear in mind that there are some people who don't buy leather for ethical reasons. Just to mess with your mind even further!!!)

boschy · 09/11/2011 11:58

I'd be delighted if you were a close friend - which I assume you are to have thought of her son when you saw the jacket.

soandsosmummy · 09/11/2011 11:58

I did this for my friend when he was a single dad with 2 boys to look after. I knew he'd need winter coats for them so when I saw 2 good condition fleece lined anoraks in the right sizes and plain colors I got them for him. I just said I remembered he'd mentioned needing coats and thought these might be useful and if he didn't want them take them to a charity shop.

The younger boy is still wearing the bigger one 3 years later so that was £4 well invested

Just offer it saying you saw it and thought their son may like it I'm sure they'll be fine with it

bonkers20 · 09/11/2011 11:58

I would not want my young son in a leather jacket, but the gesture would be welcome. You're kind. Tell her what you told us!

seeker · 09/11/2011 11:58

I can't begin to imagine why anyone would be anything but delighted!

BarbaraWoodlouse · 09/11/2011 11:59

Personally I'd have no objection to a friend of mine buying something for one of mine from a charity shop. It's a kind thought.

However I'd feel awkward if it wasn't clear whether they were expecting me to reimburse them for what they paid (are you?)

Also, I'd want them to understand if it wasn't to my taste (personally I don't like leather jackets on small children for instance) and it would be great if they were clear on that. Maybe "It was such a bargain I couldn't resist it but if you don't like it I'll take it back and the charity will just be £3 up which is fine by me"?

Hullygully · 09/11/2011 12:00

They might hate you for your generosity and thoughtfulness

squeakytoy · 09/11/2011 12:01

I would have got it, and as others have said, explained that you didnt want to miss the bargain, and if she didnt want or like it, you would shove it on eBay.

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 09/11/2011 12:05

It's a lovely gesture and as the recepient of many many second hand baby clothes for DC1 I would personally be delighted. I don't think you need to make excuses for buying it, just say 'I saw this in your DS's size and thought of you both'. I'm sure your friend will react with nothing but thanks. Even if her DS never wears it, no one would be rude enough to throw it back at you!

Pozzled · 09/11/2011 12:11

If one of my close friends did this I would be delighted. In fact if they saw something lovely for my DD in a charity shop, I'd hope that they would either pick it up, or if money was tight give me a call and see if I wanted it.

I do agree though that you should make it clear that if it's not to their taste, that's ok.

lesley33 · 09/11/2011 12:12

I think if you explain the circumstances it will be fine.

plupervert · 09/11/2011 12:13

I've done this, so yes, would do it again. It meant I could give a friend's son a more expensive and more practical present than he otherwise would have got (a Gap raincoat and raintrousers set, with detatchable fleece lining! It was ace). It also meant such a "big" present wasn't an emotional imposition on my friend, which can also be a problem with gift-giving!

ItWasABoojum · 09/11/2011 12:14

What a lovely thing to do! Just tell her the truth - if she doesn't want it you can always take it back. I can't imagine anyone being cross about such a nice gesture.

AurraSing · 09/11/2011 12:20

It depends on what she is like. I wouldn't be offended, but I do swap clothes with friends anyway. I'm related to a couple of people who would start to hyperventilate at the thought of it.

VonHerrBurton · 09/11/2011 12:21

I know, for sure, which of my friends I could do this for without any offence being caused. If you find yourself having to even fleetingly think if your BEST friend wouldn't appreciate the gesture, don't do it.

Get it, put it on Ebay, that sort of thing will sell - if it's as nice as it sounds!

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