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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to buy my friend's son a new coat?

49 replies

extremepie · 09/11/2011 11:46

Ok, I was in a charity shop earlier looking for clothes for my 2 DS' and I happened to see a really gorgeous grey leather jacket for 3 quid!

Only problem is it wasn't in my son's size - it was in the size of our best friend's son.

I bought it because it was so lovely (and probably very expensive when new!) but it has occured to me that his parents might object?

I'm not sure why they would but can any of you?
Maybe they wouldn't want something that came from a charity shop?
Maybe they just won't like it?
Maybe they will take it as a comment on the clothes he already has?
Eeek!

OP posts:

cat64 · 09/11/2011 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BartletForAmerica · 09/11/2011 12:49

I don't see why you would have to lie like cat suggests. You saw a gorgeous coat, you felt it was a shame to leave it there but it is too small for your DS, would it fit hers?

BartletForAmerica · 09/11/2011 12:49

I certainly wouldn't be offended.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 09/11/2011 13:15

YANBU I bought my friends DS a brand new and very expensive but a bit silly, Sailor Suit from our local charity shop....he was only 1 month old and I thought it was gorgeous in a hideous way so I got it for £1.50.

I gave it to her and explained..I thought it would be good for embarrsing photographs which she could tease him with later...she was thrilled with it and she's quite particular as a person...she carted him off to the photogaphers that week and as I thought he looked edible in the pics!

Georgimama · 09/11/2011 13:17

I've done this and had it done by the same friend I did it for, but we are both avid charity shop customers and wouldn't be funny about it. Other friends of mine I would not as they would be funny. Only you know whether your friend is likely to be off or not.

cat64 · 09/11/2011 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ginger19 · 09/11/2011 13:21

Does she buy charity shop clothes for her family?
Is this woman not your best friend ?

I am forever swapping / giving/ being given clothes for dc.

iscream · 09/11/2011 13:23

extremepie -Oh, I saw this really gorgeous grey leather jacket for 3 quid! It looked like it would be a perfect fit for "df ds name". We should pop over and you try it on your ds.
DF-Oh, Really? Where at?
extremepie - Shop Name. I think it must of been quite expensive, as it was such a nice soft leather. I wanted to buy it even though it was the wrong size. I almost bought it for "df ds name", but thought you may be offended"
DF-I wouldn't have been offended silly!
extremepie -Oh, I knew it! I should have bought it for him, oh why didn't I? So, if I see it next week, shall I pick it up then?
DF-Sure, that would be really nice of you. It probably will be gone by now though
extremepie Yes, it would because....(whips out bag with coat inside from behind chair) I did buy it for him!

iscream · 09/11/2011 13:25

Or something like that.

Pancakeflipper · 09/11/2011 13:33

I would be thrilled if one of my mates bought something that they thought my kid would look cool in.

Last Winter one of the mums at school handed me a funky woolly hat and glove set that had belonged to her son. I don't really know the mum as our kids are not in the same year. We walk past each other alot and smile. Don't speak.

She said she hoped I didn't mind but she thought my toddler would look really good in them.

It did cross my mind that she might think I didn't dress my kids warmly enough. But I put that paranoia to one side when I tried them on him and he looked utterly cute. I am glad she felt 'brave' enough to pass them onto us.

VonHerrBurton · 09/11/2011 14:36

Pancake - so she just gave them to you? You'd never even spoken or said, 'aww, gorgeous hat' or anything like that? Just smiled at eachother at school? She picked your toddler out of the thousands that must go along to school to give it to? . Hmmm. That would be a bit weird. You could have had twenty hat and glove sets at home. She was very brave, you're right.

Flisspaps · 09/11/2011 16:10

I don't think it's weird, I think it's a kind thing to do.

VonHerrBurton · 09/11/2011 16:22

Wow,Flisspaps, you don't find it strange that an almost perfect stranger would come up to you, give you a hat and gloves set and say "I think they'd look really good on your toddler"

I buy a lot of stuff from charity shops and wouldn't think twice about picking up things for certain friends or family,btw. Also, if someone commented on an item one of my DC was wearing - even if it was a 'schoolrunstranger', I would give it to them without thinking about it once outgrown/bored.

Pancakeflipper · 09/11/2011 16:45

VonHerrBurton - I did think it was strange. But I tried not to overthink it and decide she was a crazy lady stalking me.

I put it down to the fact that her and I have similiar dress sense and we dress our sons in similiar ways. We see each other daily as our paths cross on the school run.

We also live in a small village so we know lots of people by sight. You notice stuff that seems utterly trivial.

We also do have cheery conversations with each other now. I am eyeing up her son's new Winter coat......

Pancakeflipper · 09/11/2011 16:48

Oh and Von - she was embarrassed when she handed them over. Like she knew she could be overstepping the thin line... And she said I didn't have to have them ( he is obviously a gorgeous noticeable toddler - actually he's very loud and prone to huge tantrums so everyone notices him).

I hope she thinks of me for future donations. She has cool taste.

VonHerrBurton · 09/11/2011 17:09

I stand corrected, it doesn't sound weird put like that! Reminds me of when my sister approached a Mum at our school who has two DDs, as does my sister. They are a year older respectively than my neices. They dress beautifully - coats, summer dresses, shoes - even their socks and winter tights seem nicer than everyone else's dds! Sooo, my sis approached her one day, asked her if she would consider selling her old stuff to her when her dc outgrew.

The next day she came in with two binbags full of absolutley gorgeous stuff for my sis! Only happened once and sis felt too embarrassed to ask again!

A stranger is only a friend you haven't met yet hahaha - Good Luck with the winter coat...!

eaglewings · 09/11/2011 17:16

We pass on clothes and love it when we get a bag topic through for our 2 youngest.

Would love to given something a friend had seen at a charity shop and thought of for my dd or ds.

Only proviso is that we are told the words, don't feel you have to keep it if you don't like it/want it

Pancakeflipper · 09/11/2011 17:19

I am giggling at your sister! Wow that was brave... And 2 binbags full of goodies. My freebie hat and mittens pale into comparision at that.

I am thinking my " ooh that's a gorgeous coat..." at her son for the next few months might not be that subtle.

catsrus · 09/11/2011 17:34

I wouldn't have been offended - and would probably have done the same thing (who doesn't love a bargain???) I'd probably say something like "this was such a bargain I couldn't NOT buy it - I thought if you didn't want it for your DS then I'd ask if they wanted it for theirs to grow into"

Original poster

extremepie · 09/11/2011 19:45

Thanks for the input! My DS's are 3 & 4, friend's DS is 10, nearly 11 so no way was it ever going to fit either of mine (unless I hang on to it for another 5 years!), but it was so nice I couldn't resist!

I just ended up going for it and saying I saw it and thought of them so I bought it - if they didn't like it the shop said taking it back would be no problem :D
I wouldn't have asked for the money though, for it even if they did like it, that just wouldn't feel right! Part of the 'doing nice things for people' is that warm fuzzy feeling when they really appriciate the gesture.

I haven't shown it to him yet, hope he likes it!

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 10/11/2011 11:09

Good for you. I'd be touched if a friend saw something and thought of one of my DC. MIL occassionally picks up things for the children from charity shops - they are a bargain and in excellent nick.

eeyore2 · 10/11/2011 11:18

I think it's kind and thoughtful of you. The only way a friend would be offended would be if a) they felt you were implying they didn't dress their child well enough or that she needed your 'charity' or b) if you passed the jacket off as a brand new buy and she then found out it was second hand. So I would just be upfront. Tell her you were in the charity shop and you saw the most amazing bargain that you fell in love with, it isn't the right size for your DS but would fit her kid, and so you just had to buy it, hope she likes it but of course if she doesn't no big deal, it wasn't expensive and was just a passing whim. I think she will be delighted!

UrsulaBuffay · 10/11/2011 11:20

Why not? I'd just say I saw something nice in his size but no probs if you don't like or want it. Between friends can't see the problem.

Acandlelitshadow · 10/11/2011 11:26

Wouldn't bother me but if she's mad enough not to want it she turns it down, ebay it or give it back to the shop.

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