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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my ds looks a tad trampy??

60 replies

whethergirl · 09/11/2011 11:05

This morning DS, age 6 was:

Wearing a filthy coat.
I try to wash his coat at least once a week as it's needed. I do really need another coat so I can wash one while he has a spare to wear, but really can't afford to buy one at the moment.

Wearing tatty shoes.
I do buy quite cheap shoes and maybe I need to consider saving up for a pair of better quality ones as he wears them out SO quickly. I bought this pair for £10 two months ago and they look like they've been worn for years. The label said "Scuff resistant"?? Bollocks.

Sportiing bed head hair.
His hair is impossible. I've tried water, spit and gel but if he wakes up up with sticky up hair then there is no taming it. The double crown doesn't help.

He has 3 school jumpers and still ends up wearing a dirty one sometimes because I can't wash them as quick as he dirties them. I change his school top every day, and his trousers most days, yet my mum complains that I don't iron them.

When I pick him up, if he happens to have had a runny nose (snot sleeves) and got lunch down his top then this only adds to his tramp themed image.

Sometimes I think if I had more money it could be improved, eg. I could get better quality shoes, smarter school tops, extra coat etc. He did look a bit like the 'poor' kid when he went into school this morning

Does anyone else struggle to keep their kids looking half decent? Is this normal and shall I just relax? My mum is of the iron-your-knickers mentality so do feel that DS is definitely not up to her standards!!

OP posts:

JaneFonda · 09/11/2011 11:09

I have two DS's of school age - it is perfectly normal, your child does not look like a tramp.

Lovely warm winter coats for them, completely covered in mud etc. by the end of the week!

Chewed jumper sleeves, dinner all down them, and I'm afraid children and snot go hand in hand!

As long as he is properly fed and has enough clothes to keep him warm, the teachers won't care about him having spiky up hair. :)

Grinchywoo · 09/11/2011 11:12

You may as well have described my ds

'fraid I have got no advice, but if anybody knows how to get shirts back to white again and glitter glue off a sweater, I would very much appreciate an answer!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/11/2011 11:12

Have a word with him about being a bit tidier and looking after his stuff better. I know he's only 6 but, even at that age, they can make more of an effort. Pop him in the shower in the morning to deal with the hair. Wash the coat at weekends. 'Sponge' dirt off jumpers with a damp cloth until you can get them in the washing machine.

fuzzynavel · 09/11/2011 11:19

My DS is the same, could dress him in Armani and he'd still look like a tramp and he's 13!

He's only 6 bless him. I always think a grubby kid is a happy kid.

hanaka88 · 09/11/2011 11:21

My DS has extremely long hair (won't get it cut) no tie (he strangles himself) and came home the other day with ripped trousers as he decided to rip them up during carpet time

But I find a morning shower and a brush and hair dryer works to tame his bed head in the morning (although always full of paint by 3)

catwithflowers · 09/11/2011 11:22

sounds like mine though he is 10!!

squeakytoy · 09/11/2011 11:23

You can usually get a decent coat that a child has simply grown out of, for a £1 at a jumble sale. Ditto with shoes.

MissMap · 09/11/2011 11:40

One of my best friends at school was a typical boy, just like yours. He was great fun, but we lost touch after uni.

Recently I saw a photo of him in a periodical. Thirty years on he is apparently a renowned scientist but judging from this photo he still has the bed head, the scruffy clothes, a suspicious gravy-like mark on his sweater, and his specs on crooked. I hope these days he has invested in a hankerchief.

Original poster

whethergirl · 09/11/2011 11:42

You see JaneFonda and hanaka88, when I read descriptions of your dc's they sound quite cute! I think what makes him stand out even more is that I am quite well turned out (can I say that?), i.e always got make up on, hair done and nice clothes. Having said that, I don't decide to crawl through a bush to find out 'what's in the middle'.

CogitoErgoSometimes - I really don't think he'll get it to be honest and I nag him enough. I do tell him off for some things though, like when he gets cross he scrapes his feet on the floor. That is NOT allowed anymore. I do all the rest you mention except the morning shower. He is not a morning person and shower time in the evenings can be hard enough work without doing it first thing. Plus I need to shower/bath him in the evening to get off all the days grubbiness! But will try the wetting hair and blow drying hair, that's a good idea.

squeakytoy - I don't normally have time to go to jumble sales, however it would be great to get a coat for £1!! There's no point going to charity shops round where I live, they are so expensive. You would get them cheaper in primark.

OP posts:

Original poster

whethergirl · 09/11/2011 11:43

MissMap . Well DS is always "inventing" things (time machine project in progress) so maybe if I look at him as being the scruffy professor type that'll help!

OP posts:

MrsVoltar · 09/11/2011 11:46

Ha Ha MissMap, my DS will be just the same!

Don't worry OP, as long as they are clean in the morning.

Am sure even the well-off 6 yr old boys look the same, actually at our school, the really rich ones look the most scruffy

MrsVoltar · 09/11/2011 11:48

Re charity shops, sometimes you often get better quality than in Primark.

Beamur · 09/11/2011 11:49

My DD goes to school clean every morning and looks like she's been through a hedge by the time she gets home. I like to think it reflects she had a day of being busy and hopefully having fun!
I can't see the point of nagging small children not to scuff shoes - they don't get it.
But I do think it's worth buying good quality for some things - like shoes, and just quantity for others, like cheap uniform. I have a clean set per day so I'm not a slave to washing, but have also had a few good quality hand me downs from neighbours.

Original poster

whethergirl · 09/11/2011 11:49

Thinking about it, I guess at the same time, I can be quite relaxed about things. The other day, my friend's ds had white trainers on and followed my ds onto a slightly muddy grass patch and she screamed at him. I for one would not buy white trainers for my ds in a million years and expect him to keep them clean. Also, when I empty ds's pockets out and they contain acorns, a couple of dried up leaves, muddy pebbles and a load of gravel, and I just think he's having fun, not thinking too much about keep clean and tidy because he is too interested in the world.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 09/11/2011 11:54

If you dont have the time on a saturday to go to a jumble sale, why not ask a relative to go for you.

Sorry, but children do get teased for being scruffy, and if my son were looking really tatty, I would find the time to sort it out. One coat is not enough, especially in winter.

suburbandream · 09/11/2011 11:54

sounds like a normal 6 year old to me!

The only thing I would say is whatever shoes he has, make sure you polish them, it really does make a difference (or get him to do it, my DS2 loves shining his shoes ).

I do iron shirts but the rest of the uniform doesn't seem to need it and DS2 has quite long hair which rarely sees a hairbrush

DS1 is 9 and we still have snotty sleeve syndrome so I sympathise. Make sure he has a packet of tissues (obvious I know) and give lots of praise when he actually uses them!!

MrsVoltar · 09/11/2011 11:58

My DS always seems to have a cold so snotty sleeves are a big problem, I think the girls in his class must think 'yuk'

I try & get him to take hankies but he's not interested.

Hopefully will improve, will try to remember to praise for using hankies.

piratecat · 09/11/2011 12:07

if you think he looks trampy and it bothers you then do something about it surely?

buy him another coat. He will end up getting teased and it's your responsibility he doesn't. He's just being a 6 yr old boy, and if he's covered in snot, mud and glitter he will end up smelling too. Buy some more jumpers, cheapo ones from asda, and make sure he has a clean one each day. No idea how he can't have a clean one each day if you have 3 tho anyway??? You can sponge and dry with a hairdryer, which you obviously have.

seeker · 09/11/2011 12:13

I don,t think it's a good idea to start the day like that. End it like that, of course, but unless you're exagerating for comic effect I would try to get him to start off reasonably clean and tidy.

Charity shops are usually good for coats because they get grown out of quite quickly.

Original poster

whethergirl · 09/11/2011 13:07

Er yes, piratecat, if you read my first post you'll see I do try doing something about it, but I feel it might not be enough, so that's why I came on here to see what other's thought. He doesn't smell! . I would never let him smell ffs. As I said before, he has 3 school jumpers and so I DON'T change them every day, just whenever I can. We're not allowed cheapo ones from Asda. I meant school top as in the polo shirt worn underneath.

If you don't have a DS then you have no idea how much of a magnet some boys can be to mud. Looking at the line of kids going into school today, another mum and I did notice that on the whole, the girl were much better turned out than the boys!

I do need and will get another coat for the Winter, I just can't get one in the next couple of months. I have asked around for another one.

Anything dirty goes straight in the wash unless it's something I can't get dry in time, in which case I do my best to sponge it down.

Anyway, back to the helpful posters, thanks for the tips which I will take on board. I will give him packet of tissues to use, I tried before but they just stayed unused, but he's a bit bigger now so will try again.

Great idea about polishing shoes suburbandream, must admit I hardly ever do that so will make that a regular thing.

So, going to give DS a makeover which will involve wet hair and hairdryer morning routine, packet of tissues, polished shoes (and at some point will try and get better quality) and hopefully a new coat soon. We're at Horrid Henry but aiming for Perfect Peter!

OP posts:

piratecat · 09/11/2011 13:10

just seems like all this stuff is obvious op.

you asked if you were being unreasonable, you're the one in charge of how he looks. I answered.

RumourOfAHurricane · 09/11/2011 13:14

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RumourOfAHurricane · 09/11/2011 13:16

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

whethergirl · 09/11/2011 13:17

I agree, when I read my last post, it is all quite obvious actually. I don't know why I didn't think of the tissues and polished shoes before tbh. And water/gel just makes his sticky up hair even worse (it just moulds it to the sticky up shape) so should have thought about the hairdryer too. I don't know why I didn't and feel I've probably been neglectful without realising it.

OP posts:

jamtastic · 09/11/2011 13:18

I can send you a coat that my tall skinny 6 nearly 7 year old son has grown out of.

Both my boys have bed heads and the older one does get teased about it. Just a hairdryer and a brush works for mine - no need to do the shower thing.

They both come home looking tatty and are complete mud magnets. If I put trousers on them in the monring that are a bit muddy I just hope people will think that it happened on the way to school. Not that I care what people think anyway!

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