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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sad and a bit embarrased that my MIL's response to our 3rd pg was 'oh God no'?

77 replies

cfc · 08/11/2011 20:25

We have a 1 and 2.5 yr old and it's early days with this pgcy but Dh is excited and wanted to tell the ILs so he did tonight, we did the test only tonight.

We have a hectic but fun home life. I am a sahm and hubs earns a good wage which sees us right. We are starting an extension which will see us with the space...all in all we're fine and happy. We were kinda planning it, iyswim.

When hubs told her over Skype that we had news she just said 'oh God no' as if I'd just told her I'd got cancer.

The conversation went on in this vein until hubs said we had to go. I feel like a silly kid who's just been told off! Wtf?!

It's taken the shine of the day somewhat.

OP posts:
aurynne · 08/11/2011 23:53

I am aghast at the kind of responses to a very much wanted pregnancy that some parents and PILs can spew!!! I really can't believe people, and people who are supposed to love you none the least, can be so extremely rude.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I have 3 nephews under 4 (all my DP's sister's) and they are fantastic together :).

akaemmafrost · 09/11/2011 01:13

Well my own mother said "And is this good news?" when I announced my second pregnancy, I do still feel a bit upset when I remember that and dd is 5!

akaemmafrost · 09/11/2011 01:14

Oh and congratulations. I wish I was having a third.

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 09/11/2011 02:16

I get the opposite bloody reaction from my MiL. I keep being asked if we are having any more!

Not actually told her about the mc's etc though, so perhaps it's my own fault.

lifechanger · 09/11/2011 06:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YellowDinosaur · 09/11/2011 07:01

My mil was a bit when we announced ds2 - the age gap was going to be 20 months and I think she had in her head that anything less than about 3 years was too soon. To be fair she never said anything to me, only dh, but I don't really get why people do this - I mean its not as if you are going to abort a wanted baby just because your ils think its going to be too hard is it Hmm?

However when ds1 was 6 months (and I was still getting very broken sleep and was, quite frankly, totally and utterly fucked) one of my closest friends told me they were expecting their second with a 17 month gap. Her ds1 was 3 months older than my ds1. Before I could stop myself I blurted out 'was it an accident' simply because in my sleep-deprived haze I just couldn't imagine that anyone would plan that Blush. I did pull myself together and say 'sorry thats really inappropriate - congratulations!' immeditately though! And I don't think she was offended and could see where it came from !!!

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 09/11/2011 07:13

Mine were aged 17 months and 4 months when I found I was expecting my third!! We had planned the first two to be very close deliberately and got enough flack for that so you can imagine when I announced I was going to have three children under 2.5.....

NO-one was positive. Not one. Responses from the ILs and my parents ranged from 'your house is too small' and 'it will be awful' ' you had sex ALREADY?"

And you know what? I t was fine fun and fabulous. Having three so close was EASY because everything we did suited them all.. toddler groups, toys, friends. DD2 was an incredibly easy baby because she had two siblings to entertain her, and the closeness in age between the three means they have grown up into very loving , close teenagers.

Of course when I announced no 4 a few years later they just all kinda groaned Grin

misty0 · 09/11/2011 07:28

akaemmafrost - my DM said exactly the same with DD2! "And is this good news?". God.

With DD3 announcement she rolled her eyes and said oh crikey and carried on eating her dinner.

Ex MIL when told DD3 had been born and was a girl (our 3rd girl) she said oh never mind Shock She had desperately wanted me to have a boy/s because she had 3 boys, no daughters, and didnt know how to 'do' girls.

Proudnscary · 09/11/2011 07:29

YABU for calling your husband 'hubs' (twice) in your OP.

YAB a tiny bit U for telling your MIL so early on in your pregnancy.

YANBU for being put out by MIL's baffling and unpleasant response.

Oh and congratulations!

Original poster
cfc · 09/11/2011 08:21

Am using hubs because DH doesn't suit me and typing on stoopid iPad so have to be succinct. I don't call him that in real life!

Can't get over some of the responses here from parents, madness. And thank you for your Congrats, that's all I wanted form her!

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 09/11/2011 08:24

Congratulations and never mind MIL! Thanks

Thumbwitch · 09/11/2011 08:29

Not that I'm excusing her rude response in any way, but are you in financial difficulties at all? My sis was, and she didn't get much better responses when she announced her DD3 was on the way, so she'd have 3 DDs under 3. My parents weren't any too impressed, because they'd been helping her out financially already.

But it's still rude. My mum's response to my first pg was "oh no, now I'll have 6 grandchildren" - and I was very wtAf? about that. As it turned out, no she didn't ever have 6 DGC because she died before DS was born. But hey.

Thumbwitch · 09/11/2011 08:30

Oh yes! And congratulations :)

DuchessofMalfi · 09/11/2011 08:43

My MIL's reaction after DD was born (by C-section) was "well, you won't be having any more will you?". We were rather Shock, and I'm sure she was too when we announced we were having another :).

barleycorn · 09/11/2011 09:16

Congratulations on your pg.

The only person who actually said that to me when I was pg with dc3 was my mum's friend who's had 10 of her own!

However now that the baby's here everyone seems delighted, and my dm, who was the least enthusiastic of the gps, is being such a massive help. So hopefully it's just the shock and she'll get over it soon.

biddysmama · 09/11/2011 09:21

im 28 weeks with my 4th, ive got a 10 year old with asd, a 30 month old and a 14 month old.... my mums reactions was " you'll probably lose it anyway cos they are too close together"

congratulations :)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/11/2011 09:25

I think some people are just not that interested in babies, family or not. Perhaps it's because pregnancy is in the abstract for everybody but the mother and possibly the father.

Try not to mind what other people think, OP. You want the baby and that's all that matters really, isn't it?

HereKittyKitty · 09/11/2011 09:30

Congratulation OP!

We are TTC and I know my parents will be a little catsbum about it when we get a BFP, they think of us as youngsters (28) and that the only acceptable age to have a baby is mid-30's [hmmm]

LaPruneDeMaTante · 09/11/2011 09:34

How many children has she got?
Maybe she really regretted that third pregnancy herself? [long shot]

Similarly I think most people react to twin pregnancy announcements with out and out horror because they can't see themselves coping. So foul to do that.

stillfeel18inside · 09/11/2011 09:35

YANBU at all - and congratulations on your pregnancy.

My MIL had her 2 children 5 years apart as apparently "there's nothing more common than a double buggy" so she didn't think much of my 2 year gap. Because she had a boy, then a girl, that was also the only way to have children so throughout my second pregnancy with DS2 she kept telling me this one HAD to be a girl, as if I had any say in the matter! Completely mad! But she's lovely really and loves my two sons very much.

ShoutyHamster · 09/11/2011 09:36

How rude.

Sad and embarrassed? - no you have no reason to be. You do however have reason to give her a sharp reminder that it doesn't do any harm to remember your manners. Even with your family.

''Oh God no?' - err, I assume you meant to say 'Congratulations', MIL? Or have you completely forgotten your manners? Don't worry, you don't need to make yourself look such a rude, aggressive nightmare - we can take a hint. If the thought of three grandchildren is so upsetting for you - don't worry, we'll make quite sure you're never invited to spend time with us all in future.' Big smile :)

Moominsarescary · 09/11/2011 09:43

We told dm and mil when I was 17 weeks, they were abit shocked because ds3 was only 6 months old at the time so would be 10.5 months when ds 4 areived but they were all pleased.
Unfortunately we lost the baby a few weeks later but me and dp were realy looking fwd to them being so close together

Congratulations

iwantbrie · 09/11/2011 10:32

Do we have the same MIL OP?
We told her about our 3rd pregnancy she said "oh no, how are you going to cope?" and told DH later that she didn't sleep for 2 nights worrying about it!
I don't think we've had a positive comment about it since, in fact she seems to be choosing to ignore the whole thing, despite me having a bump that has it's own gravitational pull at only 26 weeks Grin
Bugger her, she'll probably come round properly when the baby's born.
Our 2 DC's are 6 and 10 which makes for an interesting mix but after the initial shock we're both thrilled and so are most people we have told.
YANBU at all btw x

MissMap · 09/11/2011 12:01

Congratulations!

I have a large family, all teenagers now and it is absolutely marvellous.

My MiL was horrified each time I announced a pregnancy. I do not know why exactly. I have never expected her to help with child care. To be charitable to her I think she was afraid It would be too much for me. It never was. Ignore her, do not allow her to take the shine off such a special time.

Enjoy your growing family.

BalloonTwister · 09/11/2011 12:10

Congratulations! Mother in Laws are a funny lot at times, but hopefully she'll come round. Ignore her and enjoy your lovely busy family. You'll be fine.

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