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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to see how it can be anything but very rude to sit texting in a seminar?

76 replies

ElaineReese · 08/11/2011 16:22

The majority of my students (first year undergrad) are lovely and attentive and I don't think this girl is particularly unpleasant in her own right..... but I can't see how you could not think for a moment that it is very rude to sit very blatantly texting through most of a seminar.

The problem is that it's difficult when you're not actually a school teacher, and they're not actually a child, to pull them up on bad manners like this without seeming schoolmarmish.

Would you expect this? Would you do it - if you were really really bored, which obviously I hope she is not and worry about?

Quite a few of them do it from time to time - but she does it LOADS and it's starting to really infuriate me. Do you think she would be surprised/appalled to be pulled up on it? And would I be unreasonable to collar her and tell her to bloody stop it?

OP posts:
MintAero · 08/11/2011 16:25

YABU _ Seminars are boring 95 percent of the time.

scaryteacher · 08/11/2011 16:26

You could, like many teachers, just ban mobiles from seminars/classes. She is wasting your time and hers. You could also have a word with her personal tutor and ask them to intervene?

You could also make a point each time you see her texting, of asking her a particularly hard question; or asking her if the seminar is interrupting her texting; or asking does she wish to be in the seminar at all, as she obviously is distracted, and she could just get the notes off someone else later. I expect the rest are waiting for you to call her on it.

sospanfach · 08/11/2011 16:26

Tell her to stop it. It is rude. How many people are in the seminar? She may be a little surprised but she should not be, IYSWIM. Failing that, get your own phone out, stop talking and send a text. I have a feeling she might think that a little odd....Smile

scaryteacher · 08/11/2011 16:27

..sorry - YANBU, she is being bloody rude.

milkmoustache · 08/11/2011 16:28

YANBU - it is incredibly rude! One of my students sat and read the paper more or less in plain view, so I threw him out. Word got round and it didn't happen again. She might be surprised but tough luck, she should be able to understand why it is unacceptable behaviour. Otherwise it will just go on bothering you.

Original poster
ElaineReese · 08/11/2011 16:29

MintAero - bah!

Scary I wish I could just tell her to get out if she's not bothered, but at the same time we have to be very vigilant about appearance - notifying dept and academic tutors etc if they aren't showing up, so I daydream about suddenly stopping and saying 'right, if you just want to yawn and text, leave now' but I cannot.....

It is very difficult not to become a harridan, because they can and do just stop showing up.

Like the hard question idea though!

OP posts:
Quodlibet · 08/11/2011 16:29

YANBU. Totally inappropriate to be texting in a seminar. Can't see why you haven't just called her on it, TBH?

ujjayi · 08/11/2011 16:30

I can understand your frustration and YANBU to consider it rude.

I have just returned to education to retrain and am doing a BTEC course. Majority of students are, naturally, between 16 - 18. Their manners - such as yawning loudly, texting, talking whilst lecturer is talking etc - drive me insane. If I had behaved that way when I did my degree course I would have been given a bollocking, I am sure. The lecturers do pull them up on it. FFS, I have even pulled them up on it (on the basis that if they would behave we could all spend more time learning and less time listening to them being reprimanded). And yet they continue to behave this way.

YANBU to say something. Perhaps first time as a one-to-one and then subsequently make an example of her by saying out loud in front of the class.

Original poster
ElaineReese · 08/11/2011 16:31

A colleague was telling me a story about how one lad once answered his phone during a seminar, and as she stopped in horror at this breach of seminar etiquette, he loudly said 'nah, I'll be about ten minutes yet - she's still talking'. Confused.

My problem is when I get properly cross and have to confront someone, I find it difficult to revert back smoothly to non-telling off mode, and worry that I've made myself look stupid. So I duck it instead and just get irritated.....

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 08/11/2011 16:31

What's worse - this, or a teenage girl sitting in a school theatre texting while her brother played the lead role in a school play?

I wanted to strangle the bitch, I really did, and that's not my usual state of mind in RL.

sospanfach · 08/11/2011 16:33

Really, just call her on it. In front of everyone. Politely, but making it clear that barring emergencies phone use is unacceptable. If she stops attending surely you have procedures in place for attendance monitoring - perhaps cc. your head of department in on an email to the effect that you've issued a blanket code of behaviour to your students. I had a similar situation with perpetual talking through lectures last year. It's disrespectful to her peers, as well Sad

Quodlibet · 08/11/2011 16:33

Is it too late in the semester to agree a code of conduct with your students? If someone is texting in a seminar, eg not paying full attention to the discussion in hand, it is detrimental to the experience of other students who have prepared and are engaged, no?

Upwardandonward · 08/11/2011 16:33

The problem is that it's difficult when you're not actually a school teacher, and they're not actually a child, to pull them up on bad manners like this without seeming schoolmarmish.

Hmm, didn't seem to stop any of my lecturers ( but then it as classed as impolite and not professional).

Pendeen · 08/11/2011 16:34

YABU.

Students have always gazed out of the window / nodded off / read a magazine if a particular lecturer or lecture is boring or irrelevant. This is just another example of an old situation.

Don't be offended.

If you are boring / not teaching her anything she does not already know then of course she is going to look for a distraction.

If you are not boring and she is missing your pearls of wisdom then that is her loss.

Katiepoes · 08/11/2011 16:35

It's a plague. My manager was interviewing someone last week and was emailing me throughout. Charming.

I'd call her on it, cheeky piece. None of mty lectureres ever had a problem calling any of us on whispering or general messing, how is this different?

Ro62 · 08/11/2011 16:35

She might be using her phone to take notes though? I use mine in meetings to note down points I need to act on afterwards, as they get synced automatically to my calendar. It never occurred to me it might be misinterpreted. One of my colleagues commented after a meeting, 'I like how you're brave enough to catch up on texts when it gets boring' and I was mortified... Maybe ask her to stay after a class and have a quiet word, in case it's a reasonable use of the phone? If so, you could ask her if she minds her notes being shared with the rest of the group, as they'd all find it helpful; and if she says she is texting, you can say that it's distracting and you'd appreciate it if she could stop.

ujjayi · 08/11/2011 16:36

You won't make yourself look stupid. I understand the difficulty in reverting back to "normal" after an outburst. Try various phrases which pull her up but using the same tone of voice as you are using for the rest of the time. That way no raised voices and it will probably surprise her more than if you raise your voice. Always sounds more sarcastic and don't mess with me if you can avoid shouting - shows you are in control and she hasn't ruffled you. Losing your temper will probably induce eye-rolling and not necessarily make her stop.

Original poster
ElaineReese · 08/11/2011 16:38

pendeen Surely looking out of a window is different from proactively getting your phone/a magazine out and engaging with it though - a different level of rudeness, to my mind.

I would not have dreamed of doing that at university - but nobody did. The only time I ever remember a tutor having to say anything at all it was 'Ian!' when one boy was repeatedly clicking the end of his pen in and out.

Also it's not a lecture, it's a seminar, so it's more obvious in a small group when that's happening - and seminars are for interacting in, not zoning out and playing with your phone.

OP posts:
KatieMiddIeton · 08/11/2011 16:39

YABU _ Seminars are boring 95 percent of the time. Rofl

porcamiseria · 08/11/2011 16:40

just say something!!!! yanbu, its your class, your rules

RoseC · 08/11/2011 16:41

YADNBU! I handed in a module assessment form yesterday with just this complaint - that students were too busy on their phones or talking, in a tiny lecture room of forty seats, for me to get the best from the lectures (I have special requirements and record my lectures... it really interferes with the recording quality). I don't understand how people can be so rude. Some of them don't even turn the phone to silent so it's blatantly obvious what they are doing.

I didn't realise that lecturers had to keep the students in class. That may explain why my lecturers never tell them off either.

Original poster
ElaineReese · 08/11/2011 16:42

You're quite right, and I should really act as though it's that simple.

It's all the 'paying customers' bit though, and that's only going to get worse ...

OP posts:
Quodlibet · 08/11/2011 16:43

But you can bring her texting to the attention of the group without being authoritarian about it - something like; "I'd like to propose that using your phone in a seminar can appear disrespectful to others as well as distracting to them, and for that reason I'd be much happier if we could agree not to use phones in seminars. Let's agree as a matter of respect to each other to commit our full undivided focus to the discussion in hand. If there is an urgent and important conversation that you need to be having that means you can't dedicate your attention to what we're discussing in the seminar, it would be more respectful to me and to your peers for you not to attend.'

Original poster
ElaineReese · 08/11/2011 16:45

quod I love it... I'm nicking that speech, if you don't mind!

OP posts:
Peachy · 08/11/2011 16:46

We were simply not allowed mobile in university seminars- a few people with children had dispensation to have them on silent mode in case of emeregency but that was it.

Very rude to text during a lecture.