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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how single SAHMs survive?

68 replies

hanaka88 · 08/11/2011 15:28

Just looking into jobs that I can get between the hours of 9:30 and 2:30 mon to fri as my son has to go to a special school now. The only job I can find I'd get 2 grand a year!
I earn that in 2 months at the moment.

I know there's benefits etc but I've been on them before when I was in college and couldn't really afford to eat (just feed DS) and I'd go mad I think.

Is there some magic job I'm missing or do I just have to accept this as my life?

OP posts:

betterwhenthesunshines · 08/11/2011 18:23

nikon1968

So your friend gets about £25,000 per year net of tax once she's got all her tax credits and housing benefit

Gosh - if I went back to work full time, that's all I'd get for a degree level job. It sounds pretty good to me.

ChristinedePizanne · 08/11/2011 18:34

betterwhen - maintenance isn't taken into consideration when it comes to benefits.

I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming you don't want all single parents to be living in poverty

betterwhenthesunshines · 08/11/2011 18:43

No, I don't want anyone to be living in poverty. But a total household income equivalent to almost £30k pre tax isn't poverty. I'm just surprised at how much the tax credits etc seem to add up to.

I'd like to go back to work, but because I'm not eligible to any working credit because of my DH salary it just isn't worth it after tax and childcare. It's not very 21st century is all I'm saying. It's almost as though we would be better off financially if we were divorced. This is a perennial problem for everyone, including the OP - working once you have children is a nightmare whichever way you try to work it out. Cue school holiday discussion.

betterwhenthesunshines · 08/11/2011 18:47

OP no magic answers I'm afraid, have you looked at specialist proof reading? Would it be possible to relocate to be nearer your parents? Could / would they help at all? Book keeping? I know you'd have to retrain for this, but it seems to be something that is time-manageable and always in demand.

Procrastinating · 08/11/2011 18:51

Hi hanaka, your early years degree & teaching experience might get you a job as an associate lecturer at the open university. You mostly work from home & pay is reasonable (teaching 2 60 credit courses a year would get you about £10,000).

kitkatmum · 08/11/2011 18:54

Ask your local Social Work Team about Direct Payments to employ a carer for a couple of hours after school each day.

Snapespeare · 08/11/2011 19:08

can I mention the civil service as an option? we have family friendly policies (at least on paper...) I worked for a time in a call centre and was able to leave at half two every day to pick up my DCs from school. times may well have changed and there may be a commitment to be 'properly' full time during training, but I really appreciated being able to leave early 3 days a week (supplemented by after-school club) to see my children. it might be that an au-pair is your better route to make this work, on the understanding that they would not be full-time with your DS ...or a carer a couple of days a week as kitmatmum suggested.

I really hope this works out for you! :)

Original poster

hanaka88 · 08/11/2011 19:47

Thanks for all the replies. We do have a social care worker who is really fantastic so I could check my options with her. She got me someone in each morning which my hand is in a cast to shower DS so she is good at doing things like that.

I didn't consider a lot of these options which is why I asked on here. This site is really great for that
I have literally just started getting him into a special school (or whatever you want to call them) and am on over drive with my thinking (probably due to being on sick leave because I decided to chop my thumb off) and you have all managed to calm me down and give me some options to consider.

Thanks everyone

OP posts:

PattySimcox · 08/11/2011 19:47

Does DS' father help? I work nights now as DS needs one of us around, if your DS' father has him, could you consider shifts around this?

Original poster

hanaka88 · 08/11/2011 19:48

Oh just to add parents aren't an option, due to them having me young and me having DS young they're only in there early 40s and work full time both with young children themselves

OP posts:

Original poster

hanaka88 · 08/11/2011 19:49

DS dad not really around much unfortunately, not really much in the way of maintenance either.

OP posts:

soandsosmummy · 08/11/2011 21:00

After being left by my dad with 3 of us under 5 mum was on benefits for about 3 years until she got my little sister in school then got herself on a university course with a bursary, retrained and got a full time job. She took in lodgers for no rent in exchange for free child care between for the few hours between school and her coming home. She is a fantastic woman and somehow always found time and money for everything we needed in life. I'm proud of her she's brilliant and I wish I was half the person she is.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 09/11/2011 11:04

hanaka88 I've just realised who you are. I remember a while ago you telling me about your son and that you were waiting for a diagnosis. Glad to see that has finally been done. Hope everything is going ok for you. You probably don't have a clue who I am as I think I was using a different name but wanted to say hello anyway.

Mmmnotsure · 09/11/2011 12:07

Hanaka - no advice/knowledge I'm afraid, but wanted to wish you all the best in getting things sorted out (and to say I think you have been very gracious and calm in the face of some rather unnecessary postings). This new future must take a great deal of getting used to. I hope it goes well.

natation · 09/11/2011 12:31

Snapespeare, what part of the Civil Service is family friendly? As a civil servant, my dept is family hostile, hours are terrible, very few mothers are able to work full time.

cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 09/11/2011 13:17

How about working in a preschool, nursery or sure start centre?

Or set yourself up with a franchise doing some kind of baby/toddler activity- something like Tumble Tots, baby signing, Musicbugs etc. So much of that kind of thing round here, usually run by mums who have changed career.

There is also a website called Women Like Us, which specialises in part time, flexible jobs. Mainly in London though.

Good luck!

cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 09/11/2011 13:17

How about working in a preschool, nursery or sure start centre?

There is also a website called Women Like Us, which specialises in part time, flexible jobs. Mainly in London though.

Good luck!

Snapespeare · 09/11/2011 14:16

Natation. I know it varies and the ability to work part time/term time is being eroded. I used to be in a Benefit Delivery Centre and the bigger work places can be easier with come and go for caring responsibilities. Unfortunately a lot does depend on the local interpretation of what are - on paper at least- family friendly policies.

soandsosmummy your mum is a star. :) It's so good that you are justifiably proud of her. :)

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