To ask how single SAHMs survive?

[hanaka88]

Just looking into jobs that I can get between the hours of 9:30 and 2:30 mon to fri as my son has to go to a special school now. The only job I can find I'd get 2 grand a year!
I earn that in 2 months at the moment.

I know there's benefits etc but I've been on them before when I was in college and couldn't really afford to eat (just feed DS) and I'd go mad I think.

Is there some magic job I'm missing or do I just have to accept this as my life?

The au pairs I had coped! DS was/is relatively easy at home - just not always very interactive. I had the best success with slightly older au pairs.

How do you find au pairs?

I'd use the Turn2us site using various permutations of figures - full or part time - it makes a difference that your DC is higher rate DLA. The test only takes about 5 to 10 mins and is totally for you, not used by any authority IYSWIM.

Thank you jinx I'll check that out

actually I should have said, I have an au pair and an autistic (although not severe) child.

I find mine on Gumtree. My current one doesn't live in (because I've moved to a tiny flat), but my other au pairs have done.

I used Aupair World website.

Entitledto.com is a good place to see what benefits you can get.

To ask how single SAHMs survive?

Well, either they have a partner who financially supports them, or they live off benefits, or they work.

In your case, you don't have a partner.

You also don't appear to be able to live off benefits, although a good proportion does. (Don't know if you're not entitled or not happy with the income level this would provide - it's moot anyway, the outcome is the same).

Thus you're going to have to support yourselves.

You have a professional degree - yet seem to be spectacularly unrealistic / uninspired about what kind of jobs you are perfectly able to do if part time, term time working isn't going to pay your bills (just like the rest of us).

You are in a better position than a good many parents who find themselves supporting a special needs child. Use some of your years of child-focused training and set up something related - people have already mentioned childminding and tutoring. But what about other things that are somewhat related?

There are many jobs which can offer some degree of flexibility if you are a good employee (even if you can't arrange that part time contract/flexi working immediately at starting). How good is your English? You have a degree - how's your essay writing skills? Is it strong enough to look into copywriting or other written work? Do you play an instrument - is there any other skill you have that you can use to make ends meet whilst caring for your DC? This is what you need to focus on. Not "non employer around here will pay me £30k a year to work four hours a day during term time only" - which is essentially what you're hoping for. Get over the fact that it doesn't exist (unfortunately!).

Also, perhaps seeing if there is some sort of local support network for parents in your area?

If I went to the job centre do you think they could help?

Not really - they're there to match people against NMW jobs for the most part, in my experience (no matter how well intentioned). You'd be far more effective at figuring out what it is that you can do to support yourself than getting some dinnerlady job for £7/hr 5 days a week.

You have a degree - you must have some marketable skills to capitalise on!

altinkum If special school isn't the right term what is?

Are you getting the right level of child tax credits hanaka88? DS has ASD and gets HRC DLA too, attends special school etc. I am a LP too and find that we cope quite well with benefits as our child tax credits are quite high with the disability addition (it is three times the amount we used to get before he got DLA).

I get income support as well as a carer, with a carer's premium. I could not place DS in childcare either as his ASD is severe and there is no expectation from DWP that you need to look for work if you're a carer. I find I have to do so much work with DS on his therapies and attending courses and workshops related to his disability and being a carer, that I can't effectively be a carer and work as well.

I used to be on income support just as a lone parent and I found it hard to survive on that, but because of the extra disability tax credits and carer premium, I find it's a reasonable amount to live on.

Also we get things like Family Fund and other charitable funds to get help for things like holidays, xbox etc, so I don't really feel that DS misses out at all.

I'd like to know what's wrong with the term 'special school' as well.

And if there really is something wrong with it, what should they be called?

Altinkum - what do you think is the correct term if special school is not it?

I think the OP highlights how limited the childcare options for children with SN are - that was one of the main reasons for me being a SAHM.

Have to confess I cringe slightly at the use of special, even though DS has ASD. I would always try and be more specific with my descriptor than use the word "special". DS is not special, he has ASD. However, I wouldn't flame anyone for using it - I'm far to reasonable!

What do other parents at the new school do? Maybe there's a local childminder or an afterschool facility for some days of the week (my DS is SN but in mainstream and couldn't cope with the mainstream after school club, but the new school may know of something). Or start something up! You're clearly qualified and maybe school would let you use their premises?

Check, check and double-check your entitlements as well.

I freelance so I can work from home around DS school hours, can you do something like that?

I think the idea of you starting up your own afterschool club is great - talk to the school about it, I bet you aren't the only parent it would help, and there may well be other staff at the school who'd welcome the extra hours + they're likely to have some relevent SN/SEN training and will know what to expect from the kids.

If that alone wasn't making you enough money you could do something else in the mornings as well.

Please do check your entitlements to benefits, obviously most people prefer to work, but that's no reason to make your life more difficult for yourself by living on virtually no money while you try and work out what the next best move to make is.

Thanks everyone for all your help I haven't really looked into anything I didn't think I would be entitled to much I'm just going off what it was like on benefits before (which was my motivation for putting myself through college and uni to give us a better life) I think maybe I could see what I'm entitled to first, get DS into a secure routine at school (maybe his behaviour and anxieties lessened if it's as good as it's supposed to be) and then sort out work and childcare from there.

It's hard to be positive when in the last 12 months my life has completely changed (DS regressed at 3.5) but I'm just trying to be proactive and get things sorted fir DS's sake.

altinkum - It is called a special school, that is the correct term.

OP I worked FT in a job I loved when I had DS2. He has ASD and LD and I gave up after a year because I couldnt find any childcare. I know how hard it is and I think people are giving you a hard time on this thread that you dont deserve. We tried child minders which he hated, nurseries which he hated more. He is in reception now but not in full time and its hard work so you have my sympathies.

There isnt a magic answer, but if you find one can you let me know :)

In fact we had a pilot scheme which ran in our area to help parents with disabled children to find childcare. It didnt work because its too expensive and there are not that many specialist child care provisions out there.

I think that's a good idea OP - get yourself sorted out first and then think about the rest!

Good luck.

OP it's no comfort but I recognise so much of my own experience in your posts. First you worry about the child, then you have to half kill yourself to get a diagnosis, then you cope with that and fight to get the right stuff in place for the DC - then you realise that part of that 'package' involves your own career and earning potential falling off the edge of the cliff. It is not easy. And I'm luckier than most in that I have marketable skills as a freelancer.

Taking some time on benefits to get him settled, then reviewing your options is not a bad plan tbh. That will also give you time to get plugged in to the school gate network to see what favours can be traded

How much do you need a month to live?

A friend of mine works 16 hrs a week minimum wage.

Get £800 a month tax credit.

£400 a month from ex husband

And child benefit and £500 housing benefit. [her rent is £800 a month]

If you need to stay home to sort your ds out properly you will have to work hard at learning the system.

Is there any kind of work you could do from home? DP and I both work full-time but very flexible hours. Does mean that I am permanently knackered as I do a lot of work at night after the DCs are asleep but that's the trade off for being around for them during the day.

What about the other parents of the children in your son's class? Could you swap days or something? (Sorry, don't know how high needs the children are, don't know whether this would be possible?)