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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to accept this money?

44 replies

mushroomsforgetthemselves · 08/11/2011 10:10

I'm pg with DC4 and5.

My great uncle has died and they are in the process of dealing with money etc.
He didn't have a will. Was never married and has no children. Due to certain people being dead and things I am getting a fair chunk of money.

I hated this man - he was a mean, alcoholic, racists, criminal thug. My grandparents didn't like him and never had anything to do with him and neither did my parents.
We only really saw him walking down street somtimes or maybe at other family funerals standing at the back.

I don't want the money as I said he was a horrible person.

Except it would help with 2 new DCs with 3 others under 10, we could put some of it in the kids uni fund, or finally get around to doing the kitchen, or just have a bit more money in the bank

AIBU to not accept the money? even if it would help?

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 08/11/2011 10:12

Well there's no point protesting imho, he isn't going to know you took it and his money might as well help a young a family so he can do something good for people for once.

Just my opinion anyway.

lynniep · 08/11/2011 10:13

I think you're being daft tbh. Its money. It belonged to a dead man. A dead man who you didnt like. But so what? If it will make you feel better, donate half to a worthy cause, and keep the rest for your kids future.

Pakdooik · 08/11/2011 10:13

He may have been horrible but the money is neutral. Take it for the benefit of your children.

NinkyNonker · 08/11/2011 10:14

Personally I would take it. See it as something good coming from something bad.

fergoose · 08/11/2011 10:15

I admire your principles, but if it would help you or your children I would take it to be honest. I agree with Lubey, something good coming out of something bad isn't wrong is it?

exexpat · 08/11/2011 10:15

If you didn't accept it, where would it go? IMO, even if he was a horrible person, but you can do something useful with the money, then you should take it. He's dead, you don't have to say thank you, and you are making good from bad. Maybe give a chunk to charity as well?

MenopausalHaze · 08/11/2011 10:16

I think you're being some way beyond daft. Ever heard of cutting off your nose to spite your face? I'm sure you think you're taking a noble stand but for me taking this man's money and enjoying it would be deeply satisfying and surely beneficial to you too?

fergoose · 08/11/2011 10:16

ah Ninkynonker - great minds think alike :)

StaceymAloneForver · 08/11/2011 10:16

take it, no point in making a stand to a dead person, they won't know about it

grovel · 08/11/2011 10:16

Take it.

Give 10% to charity to salve your conscience if you feel you need to.

WaitingForMe · 08/11/2011 10:16

YABU. Money is just money. Do the best for your kids and put it in their university fund. You don't have to touch it yourself, you don't have to tell the kids where it came from.

Blatherskite · 08/11/2011 10:18

Funding you children through uni might be the first good thing he did with his life.

Take it

typicalvirgo · 08/11/2011 10:19

i think your first sentence sums it up.

You are PG and therefore not thinking straight (mean this in the kindest way)

Take the money and do something beautiful with it for your family.

As others have said.

LydiaWickham · 08/11/2011 10:20

It's just money, money that can help you. Taking it or not doesn't pass judgement on how you feel about him and making a stand will only hurt you, not him (as he's gone already).

Use the money to help your family.

spookshowangellovesit · 08/11/2011 10:20

money has no alliances, take the cash and spend it well. he is gone and he can no longer have an influence on the world, unless you let him.

nomoredora · 08/11/2011 10:20

Take it, don't let your pride stop something good happening for your children.

Neuromantic · 08/11/2011 10:23

So what if he was mean and nasty? The money isnt mean, its neutral. Take it, spend it on something hed hate. Principles don,t put shoes on kids feet.

soandsosmummy · 08/11/2011 10:23

Take it - it legally yours and you clearly have a use for it.

Who knows maybe under all that meaness and nastiness and alcoholism there lurked another person trying to get out who would be pleased to know that his money would be put to a good use. Use the money well and let him achieve something in death even if he never did in life.

duvetdayplease · 08/11/2011 10:26

YABU to turn it down. I think it's a brilliant chance, you can take a mean person's money and use it for a good purpose like bringing up your lovely children and teach them to be kind, open minded and loving.

Seriously, you'd be mad to turn it down, he's gone so it isn't his money now, just money.

Give a little to a charity he really would have hated (asylum seekers? gay rights?) and be thankful you're not like him.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/11/2011 10:44

YABU. Money's money and it's daft to turn it down. Just because the person you're getting it from was an evil git, doesn't mean the money is tainted. He's also dead so there's no element of obligation i.e. he doesn't have a hold on you, there are no conditions attached. Be generous with family and friends & put some away for your children. Make his money do the things he couldn't.

RealityIsADistantMemory · 08/11/2011 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zipzap · 08/11/2011 10:46

Think of it as snubbing him - if he'd left a will chances are that he wouldn't have left it to you from what you've said. So think yah boo sucks to you uncle and enjoy the money (giving some to charity if you think that will salve your conscience).

Thumbwitch · 08/11/2011 10:52

YABU. You can put the money to good use and stick two fingers up to his mean racist memory.
It's not like he WILLED the money to you - then you might have better reason to refuse it, because you'd be doing what he wanted - you're getting it more by default.

Use it wisely to make your life and your DC's lives that bit easier. And as everyone else has said, he's dead and he's not going to know.

If it makes things better for you, donate some of it to charitable causes that deal with consequences of his type of evilness.

timothysmokes · 08/11/2011 11:43

take it - use it for something worthwhile as in your DCs education.
and if it would make you feel better donate part to charity.

BornSicky · 08/11/2011 11:47

do good things with the money that he didn't in his life.

i have a similar situation that is looming and I will definitely take the money, because I can do something purposeful with it.