... to want to set the rules?

[Noodlemacdoodle]

My parents look after DD 2 days per week. This is a new arrangement; DD is 4.

They love her very much, but I get the feeling they prefer it when I hand over a freshly washed / ironed child with home-cooked food all ready to bung in the microwave, and am back within the hour to take her away again.

So.. my dilemma... they carry on their lives as normal, they just take her with them. I find this quite sad, I would think they would want to 'sacrifice' some of their time. I don't like the food they serve (lots of ready meals etc) and I definately dont want her sleeping in the day, which they give her so they can have a break. (I then spend the rest of the week trying to get back to a normal routine)..

They are doing me a massive favour. They are saving me lots of money. I have no choice because I need to work and childcare is sooo expensive. But I find it so annoying that they don't listen to what I want them to do. What would you do about it?

peppa's idea of the food in ready meal style packets is a good idea. Nice and quick and convenient for your parents, but at the same time you will know she's getting a healthy meal that she likes. Or send a cold packed lunch and then do a hot meal in the evening.

I carry on my life as normal and dd just comes along with me...what's wrong with that?

Iloathemickeymouse, i wish it was this simple, having a sn child means your day bends around them, depending on the sn they have, they could have all sorts of extra requirements and finding suitable and sympathetic childcare can be a nightmare. Noodle, when my son was small he was referred to a local special needs nursery, do you have a support worker who could maybe refer you to one in your area? Might be worth checking out??

From a different perspective.

I mind my gs for 2 days a week, in his own home, and I understand that this is a cheaper option than a cm (although he goes to one for the other 3 days), but why would I not want to look after him the way my DD and DSIL have asked me to? I have the greatest respect for them both, and they are excellent parents, so why would I think I know best? I also know that there is a view on MN that the parents are lucky when they have family for childcare, but my feeling is that I am the lucky one. I have precious time with my gc and we have a wonderful time together.

So, OP, in my view, U are definitely NBU.

Sally, what a lovely post and so nice to hear from a family that manage to get along.
My mum and late MIL are/were lovely and I'm just sad neither have been in the position to look after the DDs for any length of time.
In consequence I get very cross when I feel GPs are being taken advantage of.
My DSIS is "Niece Taming" (DDs are too old to be baby sat) on Friday, but like my parents she lives a long way off, so this is a rare treat.

With my dd when she first dropped her sleep and needed a rest to get through the day, she would have 30 mins quiet time in her bedroom at lunchtime with just some books and quiet toys to play with. Just wondered if ths would work with your dd depending on the sn but if it did, if you suggested to your parents that instead of a 4pm drive, they give her some quiet time at lunch time in a bedroom then they would still get their rest time but it wouldn't mess up night time sleep.

Right, thanks to all of you for your posts.
In summary, to change the things I am unhappy with I will batch-cook and take that over for all of them and I will make it clear yet again that I do not want day time sleep.

Being an LP to a SN child is extremely challenging. Your entire life is focussed in a way that is different from non SN kids. Eg, last night I was up at 2,30am until 4,30am, and therefore as a consequence I could not get out of bed in the morning. I have been doing this for over 4 years. In some way I worry that this tints my vision of life somewhat, hence I wanted to make sure I was not BU.

Those of you not in this position but without free childcare / support / whatever, I can assure you that I would trade my free childcare for lack of support, and children who don't need extra support. You are the lucky ones.

With regards the sleep, could you supply a DVD of something you know she will watch so that they can get some peace and quiet this way? I know TV is not great but surely better than her having a sleep?

But they are not stopping her from having healthy home-cooked food on the 2 days.

What you complained of in your OP was "I get the feeling they prefer it when I hand over a freshly washed / ironed child with home-cooked food all ready to bung in the microwave".

In other words, they are perfectly happy for her to eat and be dressed according to your specifications, they are just not prepared to do the extra cooking and ironing.

Don't be too sure paid childcare would be different: all our CMs specified in the contract that they would not cook, but that parents would send in a ready lunch. And they certainly weren't prepared to do the washing and ironing.