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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Get So Annoyed With My MIL?

39 replies

YorkshireTeaAddict · 07/11/2011 13:31

OH LORDIE SHE DRIVES ME MAD!

Ok, so I understand that life sucks at time but does she really have to moan non stop when DH and I go and visit her? She is a nurse and HATES her job. Every time we go up she drags us down into her pit for a bit of a wallow, but frankly, I don't want to wallow with her!! DH and I always leave feeling really shite because she moans about work, about how rubbish life is, about how she wants to get married again, about how useless men are, about how horrible everyone is to her, about how she doesn't see us enough (we get up there once a week) and about how her friends moan to her about their life but "don't they see I have my problems?"!! Angry

Don't get me wrong, I love her (kind of) and we put up with this for a LONG time, but now I have had enough. I literally have to drag DH up there to see her and it's just no good. What can I do? There are only so many times I can change the conversation on to something else. She does this annoying stare when she wants sypathy...it's like trying to avoid the eyes of a Basalisk!!

Plus her cooking is awful. Over cooked lamb with mushy veg anyone? No. I didn't think so. Ok, now I'm just being a bitch...Blush

Oh, and on top of all this, my mum is seriously ill and she never asks after her!! Grumble grumble.

Help? Please tell me I'm not the only one?!

OP posts:
SingingSands · 07/11/2011 13:34

You're not the only one. Let it out on here!

SparkleRainbow · 07/11/2011 13:36

My MIL drives me up the wall, across the ceiling and down the otherside, only to start again....so I completely understand!

Yorkshireteaaddict .........breathe

Serenitysutton · 07/11/2011 13:36

your not the only one. whingy fuckers

Original poster
YorkshireTeaAddict · 07/11/2011 13:38

Phew...at least it's not just me Wink. I'm breathing, just. Gosh, it's just such hard work being a loving doormat daughter-in-law. It's just that she never asks about us, how life is for us etc. PTL for places like this to vent!!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/11/2011 13:39

Can you get her addicted to a facebook game, farmville or somesuch?

Hope your mum is better soon, it must be such a worrying time for you and having to listen to that whinging must be exhausting. Can you send DH on his own? It's his mother after all.

SparkleRainbow · 07/11/2011 13:40

Mine asks how I am and then never waits long enough for me to answer "Fine" (which is all I would ever tell her anyway!) before she moves onto how I or dh has let her down this time!

What is really sad is that the dc can take her or leave her, they just asren't that bothered, and think she is more than a bit weird!

squeakytoy · 07/11/2011 13:45

When you go up there, take her out for a meal. That avoids the mushy veg problem..

Can you get her addicted to a facebook game, farmville or somesuch?

be very careful....

Grin I am really not sure if that is good advice or not....

after my MIL was widowed she wanted to start getting to grips with being on the internet, and we set her up on FB, so she could keep in touch with her grandkids etc.. and because I play Farmville... she wanted to have a go at that... she is completely addicted... shopping trips are now timed so that we get home before her crops die... the woman on the checkout in sainburys looked at us rather oddly as MIL says to be "need to get back by 2pm, my stable will be ready and I am hoping for a new pink horse, oh and did you get that leprechaun pig that I sent you"... Confused Grin

Original poster
YorkshireTeaAddict · 07/11/2011 13:47

Sparkle, I feel for you!! I really hope I'm not like that if I have a boy!!

Lying She is very anti facebook :(

DH talks of ways to bump her off!! I tell him LET'S DO IT not to be so daft...

OP posts:
Original poster
YorkshireTeaAddict · 07/11/2011 13:48

Ha ha ha!! Squeaky that's hysterical!! I used to be addicted to FV but had to stop because I was doing things like that too! I actually left work early one day so I could get home to harvest my crops...so bad!

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 07/11/2011 13:49

Gosh, that negativity and self-absorption sound totally wearing. YANBU!!

pinkdelight · 07/11/2011 13:50

am feeling your pain re the mushy veg. jusy had four days of it. and god alone knows what they do to the gravy.

Original poster
YorkshireTeaAddict · 07/11/2011 13:52

Four days pink?? How are you functioning? I can barely handle 4 hours!!

OP posts:
CatherineWheel · 07/11/2011 13:56

Can I join the mil ruled by negativity club? Drives me frickin' insane Grin.

MrsUnassumingTroll · 07/11/2011 13:56

YANBU.

I have two friends who have had the same Bad Thing happen to them in their past.

One wears it almost as a badge of honour and loves to wallow in her tale of woe, bringing it up at any opportunity, even though it happened years and years ago. She also provides regular FB updates of all Bad Things that happen to her and laps up the sympathy from all friends and family.

The other friend has suggested subsequent adversity but....gets on with her life, cheerfully, refuses to wallow.

Drains and radiators. Your MIL is a drain. I know which one I'd rather spend my time with!

SparkleRainbow · 07/11/2011 14:01

I love the drains and radiators analogy....shall use that!

Original poster
YorkshireTeaAddict · 07/11/2011 14:17

Troll, that's wonderfull!! I aspire to be a radiator. Gonna go home at 5 and tell DH "When I grow up, I want to be a radiator".

Welcome Catherine, share your tales of woe Wink

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 07/11/2011 14:20

I have abandoned polite subject changing and started just cutting in over the top when it's the same old record playing again. Terribly rude, but needs must. Hope it doesn't become a bad habit and I end up being a drain one day.

Original poster
YorkshireTeaAddict · 07/11/2011 14:27

Pink, does your DP find her the same? Sometimes men can't see it because it's their mum...

OP posts:
eaglewings · 07/11/2011 14:31

Yes it does sound as if your mil is a drain, but it could be worse, she could be a sewer!

eaglewings · 07/11/2011 14:35

On a more constructive note, have you challenged her about her conversation?

Mum can get stuck in the pits and complain about the same thing repeatedly

I have discovered the way forward with her after advice from somewhere

When she complains more than twice I ask her what she is goi g to do about it, if she complains again ask her if she has done whatbshe said she would, if not I tell her not to mention it again until she has done something positive.

Mind you she complained about her neighbours and ended up moving 12 hours away!

MrsUnassumingTroll · 07/11/2011 14:44

I read the drain/radiator thing on MN! Grin

Original poster
YorkshireTeaAddict · 07/11/2011 14:46

Eagle, that sounds like a plan. My only problem is she scares me a bit and can be really quite harsh! I try to avoid any confrntation with her...

OP posts:
wheredidiputit · 07/11/2011 16:58

Sounds like my MIL.

Last time I forced DH to see his parents she cooked us a Roast Beef dinner.

The beef was in for 4.5hrs. It probably needeed 2 - 2.5hrs, she puts the veg on when puts the potatoes (which tend to be boiled to mush) into roast for an hour + anyone fancy cabbage cooked that long.

FetchezLaVache · 07/11/2011 18:12

WDIPI, my MIL does that! Unfortunately DS and DH let me down somewhat by really enjoying their overcooked cabbage, DS really rubbing it in by making rapturous "Mmmmmmm!" noises.

wheredidiputit · 07/11/2011 19:30

FetchezLaVache

My dh & dc will only eat a little bit of veg there, we as at home I could give them a pile of veg for dinner and they would eat the lot.