to be upset but not surprised that my 14 yr old nephew has taken up smoking?

[Bluebell99]

I don't see my family all that often. I left home at 18 to go to uni whereas my siblings stayed at home. I now live about an hour and a half from them and they all live in within a few doors of each other and my elderly parents. My siblings are still very dependent on my parents, ie my brother lives with my mum and dad despite being 45! and my sister lives in a house that my mum bought for her. Anyway my brother and sister both took up smoking as young teens, and now my niece who is 16 smokes and so does my 14 year old nephew :( Our parents didn't smoke, but my sister and brother have always smoked around my niece and nephew. I suppose it was inevitable really, wasn't it?! My own ds is 12 and i just can't imagine him taking up smoking in two years time. Just feel sad that they have grown up so quickly. And it isn't just the smoking, it's the language they use and their lack of ambition. My niece in particular has been excluded from school for example. Just makes me sad really.

No it wasn't inevitable

My parents smoked and only 2 out of 5 children took it up

Out of the 3 who didn't, 2 of them had kids who smoke/smoked.

I think it's more about what their friends do than their parents to be honest...although it is easier to hide the smell if your parents smoke as their noses aren't as finely tuned to it.

And I hate to say it but your 12 year old could well take up smoking, become excluded from school and may well swear like a trooper when amongst his friends.

It won't necessarily make you a bad parent though.

I took up smoking aged 14 despite never being around it and having very anti-smoking parents. My mates were all doing it and I enjoyed doing something 'naughty'.
I don't smoke now but it's been a struggle to give up and my teenage DCs despise cigarettes because of it.

YABU

Both my parents smoked and myself and my sister did, though my brother didn't.
I still smoke and my ds has sneaked the odd one.
My sister still smokes and my niece hates it with a passion and has never tried it.
My brother is totally anti smoking, both his children started smoking about 16, one still does, the other gave up when she got pregnant.
Absolutely no pattern there at all.
And also what worra said in her second post.

Oh don't say that (about my ds!) My neice and nephew haven't had the best start in life really, their dad left when they were young, and various other problems, and they live in a big city.

An old friend of mine is terminally ill with lung cancer and secondary cancers. I would much rather my siblings and their children didn't smoke. I don't see how that makes me unreasonable to be upset about my nephew tbh. To be honest, not many of the local teenagers seem to be smokers, but what do I know.

"I left home at 18 to go to uni whereas my siblings stayed at home. I now live about an hour and a half from them and they all live in within a few doors of each other and my elderly parents. My siblings are still very dependent on my parents, ie my brother lives with my mum and dad despite being 45! and my sister lives in a house that my mum bought for her."

how is any of that relevant to the fact that your nephew smokes?

agree with mofo. smug.

Living in a big city can be a huge plus when it comes to schools because I've noticed quite a large gap between the opportunities they're offered...and opportunities kids from rural schools are offered.

Schools are funded per child, so going to a large city school isn't always a bad thing...depending on the school itself and the staff of course.

Nice response there BluddyMoFo. Same to you. You and your children smokers by any chance?!

To be honest, not many of the local teenagers seem to be smokers, but what do I know

Well exactly...you don't know. Unless they stand outside your house to do it.

When most teens want to smoke, drink and have sex...they tend not to do it on a busy street Lol.

You need to be aware that your teens will just hide whatever they do from you, your DN doesnt seem to need to though.

I will truly be devastated if my children smoke. I agree it is not a good example to set to your children but it doesn't automatically follow that the children of smokers will smoke. Both my mum and dad smoked when I was young though dad gave up early on. I absolutely hated it, always did and have only had a few puffs on about two occasions to see what it felt like and what the big deal was. My siblings as far as I know don't smoke but have dabbled lily in the past.

My dad smoked very heavily, we would never have dared follow his bad example!

, checked every other post to see who lily was as well and then read mine last! Hope she enjoyed being dabbled!

What amazes me is how many 16 year olds I have taught who have told me they have given up smoking and drinking.

It's not inevitable, but yes, statistically having a parent who is a smoker makes it more likely that a child will become a smoker. No great surprises there.

As a bit of an aside, I know a few smokers who go to great lengths to 'hide' it from their kids, but obviously most teenagers are going to be pretty clued up so this could backfire on them when their kids realise they not only smoke but are secretive about it! Indeed, one person I know has a 9 yr old who's already rumbled her

Lol at not being able to imagine your 12 year old smoking in 2 years time. I remember thinking that. However despite dh and I being non smokers I know ds has tried it a few times but that's it. I dont see trying smoking as a big deal but I would be very concerned if it ever became a habit.

My Mum smoked and I never have, she did a good job of putting me off (let me watch a horrible program about lung cancer at 8). But part of it was I was never in a group which smoked.
My grandparents both smoked, so did 3 of their 4 children. The one who didn't, went through the air force and still didn't smoke.
Of my kids, I doubt the eldest will smoke (he has much better things to do with his money, and isn't one for peer pressure). One might but we keep up the info (that it would wreck her voice is a strong pressure not to). The other, well who knows, its a long way off for now.

I smoked for 10yrs from 14 both my parents were and still are very anti-smoking. Both never knew I smoked just that I hung around smokers (which they were equally disapproving about)
I didn't smoke because it was cool or anything like that but because in a period when I was going through some really tough shit it gave me control over one thing in my life.
I'm not from a big city (originally anyway , live in one now) and come from a distinctly 'middle class' background.
I only mention this to show that anybody can start smoking and not everybody advertises the fact. Rather than just accepting it as fact perhaps you could be gently supportive to help them all consider quitting. This is the most difficult thing to do but the most worthwhile.

Not inevitable at all. My grandparents smoked like chimneys. Not one of their children or us grandchildren have ever smoked. Their children would say that being around heavy smokers put them off for life and us grandchildren have never smoked because it's just not on our radar to do so. No home culture of it at all and we also remember the yellow walls and ceilings and smoke.

So it can go either way.

My parents didn't smoke (well my dad did in his early 20ies at sea apparently) yet I started smoking as a late teen. They hated it. Gave up when I started ttc dd, as did DH (neither of his parents smoked either).

In actual fact I suspect if my parents had have smoked I wouldn't have done.