To think that at Christmas, some people....

[worraliberty]

Make more of an effort to help the Aged, Homeless, Poor people, in fact the local animal sanctuary....than to 'suffer' their PILs for one or two days of the year?

I mean, fair enough if you never actually speak to them because there's been some massive fall out.

But if that's not the case, why do some people make such a huge deal about cooking a few extra sprouts and adding a couple of garden chairs down the far end of the table?

And more to the point, how would anyone here feel if your Husband point blank refused to have your parents over for Christmas dinner, because they're not over keen on them?

I seem to be picking up a distinct vibe that most of the 'dramas' with inlaws seem to stem from the wives and mothers...not so often the men?

I must say though, after a years AIBU participation I actually feel more equipped than ever to deal with challenging relatives this year.

No is a sentence in and of itself.
Did you mean that to sound rude?
We are doing X (regardless). But you are most welcome to join us.

etc etc.

It isn't suprising we talk about these things in early November Pelvic, now is when these decisions need to be made for this year, before turkeys are ordered and everyone has already assumed you will be having Christmas dinner with them so it will definitely cause offence however fairly you split your time.

This year I am pregnant and tiring easily. DH won't be able to drive and will only be able to walk short distances due to an operation. We will therefore still have to drive 200 miles and spend 5 days with both our families, visit several houses on Christmas day itself until I'm in tears from exhaustion, and have family arguements. This is because DH thinks that big family Christmases are more important than time together in our own house.

I'm already trying to soften him up for Christmas day as a family in the home we have made together (inviting our families for lunch) in 2012. I don't really expect to succeed.

Last time went to MIls she waited until she thought DH and I were packing up the car then went to where our autistic son was on time out in the kitchen

snarled at him to get off her surfaces and called him a freak

So you know, OP, if you want her you can have her

(was just his hand on the kitchen worktop, nothing else- but she does have OCD. luckily I had followed her in and saw it all)

We're going this year as it is the LAST time. DD will be 16 months old and I've said that once she's old enough to understand Christmas we should be at home.

For christ's sake our house is like Santa's Grotto (DH spends a lot of time in the USA and I think we own a 50% share of Department 56) so why we always go away beats me. I've always done it for a quiet life but not after this year.

But since learning to say "gosh did you really mean that to sound quite so rude" I feel a bit better (thanks Mumsnet). And I just ignore the moods and now never offer to do a thing as this seems to upset her.

Only trouble is they don't drink. I'm the only one who does and even though I take wine it gets hidden and I've never been able to find it..... This year I will be taking my own stash and keeping it under the bed.

UKSky parts of your posts are so familiar to me I wondered if you were my sil. (you're not, there were one or two tiny differences)

My ils provide drink "for the men" I have taken wine and it has been whisked away. One year fil gave me a bacardi breezer (which I accepted) I suspect he thought it was non-alcoholic.

Anyway, like you we have tried to involve my (local) pils. One year they came for dinner with my (not local) parents. Ils were inexcusably rude. Basically unless they get their own way 100% they sulk and make life unpleasant for all concerned (including their gcs)

Very very sad. So no, I'm not keen tbh.

OP I will pm you my ils address and if you feel sorry for them please invite them to yours.

By the way it is essential that your dcs are silent throughout lunch, and the Queen's speech. Tiny babies are to be ignored during lunch (even if they are screaming for milk/mummy). Children are not to play with their christmas toys unless they can do it very quietly and sedately. (no I'm not joking, this is the law at my ils)