Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

really petty, but really annoys me...!

30 replies

wantanewname · 06/11/2011 21:52

ok, have a very good friend. She has a lot of food issues, is very, very picky about food to the point where it is impossible to cook for her. Anyway, every time she comes to my house if I offer her a tea or coffee she insists on making it which really annoys me! it makes me feel like the way I make it isn't good enough (nobody else has ever complained!).

She helps herself to tea and coffee in my house which I don't mind but am a bit insulted that she won't let me make it for her.

This evening as an experiment I just handed her a tea when she walked in and later on she wanted another so I jumped up and said I'd make it, I said I liked making tea in my house for visitors. She acted like I'd been really defensive but am I being ridiculous - would this annoy you?

OP posts:

Original poster

wantanewname · 06/11/2011 21:54

feel really petty about it by the way now she's gone!

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 06/11/2011 21:54

Wouldnt annoy me.. I am utterly shite at brewing up and cant make a decent cup of tea to save my life, even for myself.

pictish · 06/11/2011 21:55

Nope.
I'm picky about how I take my tea and coffee, although not a fussy eater at all.
It's far easier for me to make my own.
My close pals are quite happy to let me get on with it at their houses.
I don't make a deal of it at not so close pals houses, but I never enjoy the dishwater beverages they make me, and I never finish them.

AgentZigzag · 06/11/2011 21:56

Maybe she thinks you've got germs

Original poster

wantanewname · 06/11/2011 21:57

maybe I should just let her get on with it then but I do find it a bit insulting - my tea is very nice!

OP posts:

SamWidgiz · 06/11/2011 21:57

I'd be glad of one less person to wait on!

Shame she has those issues though. She might need some help.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 06/11/2011 21:58

I always ask my friends how they like their tea/coffee as I am particular with mine. I do make tea/coffee at friends houses but its not a 'big deal'

If she wants to make tea or coffee for you and her, let her.

pictish · 06/11/2011 21:58

Your tea is very nice...to YOU.
Maybe she doesn't like your tea?

I don't know anyone bar my dh, that can make tea that I'd want to drink.

MenopausalHaze · 06/11/2011 22:00

Meh - dunno. When I visit a dear friend I always make the tea on account her complete inability to make a brew that doesn't taste of old dishcloth and pissy rags. She doesn't seem to mind!

Original poster

wantanewname · 06/11/2011 22:01

maybe she does think I've got germs! she does have the most picky eating I've ever encountered - e.g. she more or less veggie but won't eat tomatoes, garlic, pizza, hummous, sauces, pasta etc. Everything she eats in in certain number groups (can't be too specific in case she sees this) etc. I've been on holiday with her a few times and I end up cooking for me and the kids and she cooks for herself - mainly boiled vegetables and desserts. She won't eat in restaurants or cafes at all unless it's chips.

OP posts:

Original poster

wantanewname · 06/11/2011 22:02

that's what I mean though - I find it insulting if she thinks my tea tastes like old dishcloths!!!

OP posts:

MenopausalHaze · 06/11/2011 22:03

People have vastly different tastes in the way they like their tea. Really OP - I shouldn't over-exercise your angst on this one. It's just not all that of an issue is it? Let it go! Let her make the tea!

pictish · 06/11/2011 22:04

Well....get over it!

AllGoodNamesGone · 06/11/2011 22:07

I'd probably roll my eyes a bit but I'd let her make her own tea and prefer that to those who sit on their backside until I offer and then go "Ooooooh! Go on then, if you're making one"

In fact, I'd suggest a brew and, when she said she'd make it, I'd say "Oh well in that case, while you're on your feet, no sugars in mine!"

ItWasABoojum · 06/11/2011 22:09

I would probably say YANBU if it weren't for your later post. Someone who has to eat things in specific quantities and won't eat in restaurants isn't just a picky; she must have real issues. If making her own drinks is what she needs in order to feel secure and comfortable in your home, it seems like a pretty small sacrifice for you to make.

That aside, it IS quite bad manners, and I can see why it annoys you. You just have to keep telling yourself that it's not personal.

ItWasABoojum · 06/11/2011 22:10

*picky eater

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/11/2011 22:11

If you are friends, why not just say 'I've noticed you always make tea in my house ... are you trying to spoil me or do you and I just have really different tastes in tea?'

She probably thinks you're dead pleased she makes nice stuff instead of the horrible gunk you drink, and needs to be told that, erm, you actually like your tea.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 06/11/2011 22:14

God, I'd say she has huge issues around food and eating! Really serious ones - and needs professional help urgently.

Bohica · 06/11/2011 22:16

Ask her why!

overthehillmum · 06/11/2011 22:20

My children's god mother is so particular I wish she would demand to make it herself. It has to be in a china cup with a saucer, it has to be 3/4 full with hot water with the tea bag dunked in twice, stir it once on the second dunk, remove teabag, put one tablespoon of cold water in, stir briskly, add two teaspoons of sugar. Fecking does my head in. Get her to make you a cup while she's there!!

Original poster

wantanewname · 06/11/2011 22:22

she does have very serious food issues in my opinion but I think she knows it to an extent. I have never been able to cook her a meal she liked apart from a plain baked potato so don't bother now. She doesn't offer tea/coffee in her house - she just says 'help yourself' which I also find a little odd.

OP posts:

TeWihara · 06/11/2011 22:24

I love it when people help themselves to tea/coffee at our house. We don't drink it, so I am a shit host that always forgets to offer!

However your friend sounds like she needs some food related therapy.

Chynah · 06/11/2011 23:30

Its taken me 12 years to get DH to make a cup of coffee how I like it. I don't drink tea and would never be offended if my efforts weren't good enough as I have no idea how it should taste!

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 06/11/2011 23:34

I far prefer it when people make their own - I hate making tea/coffee for other people because it's so hard to get it right and would rather they enjoyed it rather than endured it! I would rather make my own and enjoy it rather than endure it

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 06/11/2011 23:38

you're being an idiot and making a row up in your head where one doesn't exist. it isn't an insult that she makes her own tea. this person has food issues, really picky you said, unless she is only picky with what you make her but fine with everyone else then it is blatantly obvious that she just likes to be in control of what she eats and drinks. doing the 'experiment' was just childish. what were you hoping would happen? she would reject the tea and you could have it out with her, pretend to be really offended? just let her get on with it and ask her to make you a cup while she's at it.

Flip

1 2