To let dd get a conduct Mark at school?

[Memoo]

dd is coming up for age 13 and is in year 8 at high school.

She is quite immature for her age and relies on me to constantly remind her about homework, PE etc.

On Thursday she muttered something about making some wraps at school in home ec (or whatever it's called these days) she wandered off then and didn't say anything else about it.

She has just come to me at 8pm on Sunday night to tell me she is making these wraps in the morning!

I don't have any of the ingredients in the house and all our local shops will be shut now. When I asked her why she didn't remind me earlier she just shrugged her shoulders and I get the Kevin style 'Dunno'.

Dh is saying he'll have to go out and get the stuff at 6 in the morning when sainsburys opens but I don't think he should. I think she needs to learn to be a bit more responsible and if she gets a conduct mark so be it.

Aibu and a crap Mum?

YANBU

What is a conduct mark? A detention?

Why are you crap? It is up to your daughter to let you know if she needs stuff for school in time for you to buy it. Maybe you need to stop reminding her about everything so she learns to think about it herself.

My head says let her go in without it, my heart says get the stuff and save her from getting I'm trouble. She'll probably dread going into school if she doesn't have the stuff...as if Monday mornings aren't bad enough. My dc's are considerably younger though, so maybe I'm too soft

YANBU.

It was her homework not yours! Let her get in trouble and hopefully she will remember next time. (Unless she wants to get up at 6am to go to sainsbury's herself?)

absolutely let her take the consequences. She is more than old enough to both keep track of this and ask you to get what she needs and to deal with the consequences if she doesn't. Much better she learns through this than a coursework deadline of some sort.

YANBU.
If your DH gets the stuff in the morning will she sort herself out properly next time? Her attitude is lazy.
:(

I understand your annoyance but would probably go early to the supermarket to get the ingredients.

YANBU and YAN a crap mum.

That's just tough shite for her as she obviously isn't that bothered about it.

My mum actually asked for my brother to go on report while in 4th or 5th year (year 10 or11 now). It was the only way she could see of getting him to take reponsibility for homework etc. So IMO YANBU

I might get the ingredients in the morning on the condition she was up and dressed and ready to come with me. that's the only way she'll face the consequences as well as stay out of trouble.

I would offer for you or DH to take her to the supermarket at 6am tomorrow. Definitely wouldn't go if she isn't prepared to go with you.

If they get 5 conduct marks they get a detention. She hasn't had one before so it will be basically a slap on the wrist and she'll have to write while the others make wraps.

I can't really go in tbe morning as Dh takes tbe car to work and I also have a 10 year old and a toddler.

Dh has to leave for work at 5am.

Tough love.

She has to take responsibility.

Hard lesson but .... there we go ... its not a life or death situation.

How can DH get the food at 6 if he leaves for work at 5?

I think if DH does go, he needs to take her. She must make some attempt to remedy her mistake. Otherwise she will come to accept that you/DH will bail her out.

If she is not motivated enough to avoid a conduct, then why should you/DH bother? Give her the opportunity to fix it.

i wouldn't do, she'll have to learn the hard way

I mean he usually has to leave at 5 so it will make him late to go to the supermarket when it opens at 6am.

He can't be over an hour late for work just so that she doesn't get told off! That is a bit much.

Oh, in that case, absolutely bloody not!

There is no way it is worth him being late to work purely to avoid your daughter getting a conduct mark. Especially since she deserves one for being so daffy!

Tell him to save being a softie for something that really matters.

I'm shocked that you're considering this, tbh.

No YANBU, your daughter should have given you the list earlier, i agree with abbierhodes, tell her to be ready at the door with her list at 5.45 if she doesn't want a conduct mark, hopefully she will gauge the idea of responsibility that way.