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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let dd get a conduct Mark at school?

48 replies

Memoo · 06/11/2011 20:25

dd is coming up for age 13 and is in year 8 at high school.

She is quite immature for her age and relies on me to constantly remind her about homework, PE etc.

On Thursday she muttered something about making some wraps at school in home ec (or whatever it's called these days) she wandered off then and didn't say anything else about it.

She has just come to me at 8pm on Sunday night to tell me she is making these wraps in the morning!

I don't have any of the ingredients in the house and all our local shops will be shut now. When I asked her why she didn't remind me earlier she just shrugged her shoulders and I get the Kevin style 'Dunno'.

Dh is saying he'll have to go out and get the stuff at 6 in the morning when sainsburys opens but I don't think he should. I think she needs to learn to be a bit more responsible and if she gets a conduct mark so be it.

Aibu and a crap Mum?

OP posts:

happenstance · 06/11/2011 20:44

oh didn't realise DH would be late for work, no chance let her deal with the consequences

ballstoit · 06/11/2011 20:45

YANBU. No way should DH be late for work to go and get these.

DS is 6 and had to stay in at playtime at school to complete homework he'd forgotten about over the weekend. I'm glad he's learning this lesson now, I certainly don't intend to be running round after him in 6 years time .

Tomorrow night, perhaps you could sit down with DD and help her to get organised with a weekly planner to stick on her bedroom door (or wherever is easiest), which shows what she needs to take each morning and when she'll need to organise it.

KittyFane · 06/11/2011 20:46

NO!! He can't go late to work!
Let your DD go without this time and tell her off for her apathy.

Pozzled · 06/11/2011 20:47

YANBU. If your DH could do it without being late for work, I'd be inclined to get her up at 6am and drag her to the supermarket. But as he normally leaves before then, I'd say tough. Maybe she'll get organised sooner next time.

purpleknittingmum · 06/11/2011 20:48

No your OH cannot be late for work, she needs to learn a lesson

HowlingBitch · 06/11/2011 20:52

I wouldn't say anything too her until tomorrow morning then when she asks where he stuff is just shrug and say "dunno".

HowlingBitch · 06/11/2011 20:52

Oops, Her*

ballstoit · 06/11/2011 20:57

HowlingBitch love the image of OP turning into Kevin.

Cadsuane · 06/11/2011 21:01

No, you you need to let her learn this lesson, and it is an important one.
I have no problem letting either DD go in without homework completed (and I'm a teacher) if they have not been responsible about it.

Sometimes it is important to let them fail so they can learn to succed on their own.

Original poster

Memoo · 06/11/2011 21:01

I would love to do a Kevin.

OP posts:

heleninahandcart · 06/11/2011 21:01

If you gave her the chance to go get the stuff with your DH in the morning would she get up and go with him? No, didn't think so.

There is your answer and YANBU.

dexter73 · 06/11/2011 21:03

What are you going to do?

bruffin · 06/11/2011 21:19

I am so glad we don't have to buy ingredients for dc's school, just contribute a £10 the term they do cookery.
There is no way I would go out early in the morning to get the ingredients if I had not been given ample warning, because a dc forgot to tell me.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/11/2011 21:22

I love HowlingBitch's suggestion!

No way should your DH be late for work over this!

I had to do this a bit last year with my DS, let him be given detentions for not doing his homework because I got so fed up nagging him. It worked (mostly), so I'd definitely do it. They're at the age where they have to develop self-discipline.

squeakytoy · 06/11/2011 21:26

if she is nearly 13, she is old enough to go shopping herself before school in the morning..

marriedinwhite · 06/11/2011 21:28

I am a sucker. Our DC are in L6 and Y9. They learnt many years ago that homework needs had to be checked first thing on a Saturday morning. They may sit up doing it on Sunday nights but they have to be responsible for having the equipment they need - and getting the info they may have forgotten from friends long before Sunday night.

I have also never taken anything into school since DS was 8. Oddly, they don't forget.

This would be one of those occasions though, where I probably would shout and stamp but be very pleased we live in London and there is always a shop open.

mysteryfairy · 06/11/2011 21:38

When my DS2 made his options he quite fancied food technology but I refused to let him do it after one too many incidents just like this. (BTW it wasn't his favourite subject or anything, I'm not that mean.)

Having said that I probably would do everything I could reasonably do to get him the stuff, though I don't consider missing work to be reasonable! Could you locate a garage or similar that's still open, see if a neighbour has the ingredients, call a school friend etc. If you don't I suspect it's going to upset you more than DD, because you are going to be thinking about it for the next 24 hours whilst she probably won't worry.

Also not sure making wraps counts as cookery! Almost as bad as the fruit salad DS famously made out of a pre packed fruit salad one week! Anyhow should you be in the Yorkshire area we do have a packet of tortillas you are welcome to!

Original poster

Memoo · 06/11/2011 22:00

Unfortunately we're on the other side of tbe Pennies but thank you.

We've decided that dd will have to get up early and walk down to the local co op. Not sure wether she'll be able to get everything she needs but it's as good as it's going to get.

OP posts:

Original poster

Memoo · 06/11/2011 22:01

pennines

OP posts:

yellowraincoat · 06/11/2011 22:03

She's 13, not 5. I think you need to start making her take responsibility for herself.

Glitterandglue · 06/11/2011 22:32

If you or your DH gets the stuff for her, she learns that if she doesn't bother to organise something fairly simple, then someone else will sort it out for her. At 5, this is fairly forgivable. At 13, hell no.

If however you say, "Tough, you didn't ask us to get it early enough so now it's not possible," she will learn that if she doesn't bother to organise something fairly simple, she will have screwed herself over. It only takes a few times for most neurotypical people to figure out that they have to find ways to organise themselves better in future if they don't want the negative consequences of not doing so!

I think your decision is right - she's now having to inconvenience herself to sort it out, and it doesn't make a difference to anyone else.

maypole1 · 06/11/2011 22:39

Add message | Report | Message poster abbierhodes Sun 06-Nov-11 20:32:26
I might get the ingredients in the morning on the condition she was up and dressed and ready to come with me. that's the only way she'll face the consequences as well as stay out of trouble.

Shocked your going to do it the reason why she is so slack is because she knows you will pick up the pieces

Next time she will learn

mumzy · 06/11/2011 22:45

I bet if you let her take the consequences this time you won't have to rescue her so often in future, Rod and back and all that!

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