Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being over sensitive?

81 replies

blobtobetter · 06/11/2011 11:47

Just to start off - I hate confrontation which is why I am struggling a bit with this situation.

There is a woman at work and we ended up as friends when she started working here. It is a small office (just 6 of us) so it sort of fitted in as we got along and had the same breaks. I didn't really notice at first but we always seem to end up doing what she wants. I lent her some money last year (I didn't want to but was put in a position where I didn't feel I could say no) and it took ages to get it back. She kept putting it off over and over. It all really stressed me out.

The thing is that she has been dropping really direct hints about lending her money again. We are on the same wage - I just try to save and not spend on random things. The day after she asked for a loan she came into work talking about a £100 hair cut and some expensive boots.

We used to be quite close although we don't have much in common hobbies and interestswise. Now she hardly speaks to me - if she rings I know it is just because she wants something. She went a full 2 days without speaking until she decided she needed her lunch getting for her.

I am rambling but I really don't know how to handle this. I have never been in this situation. Another of the girls at work described her as a taker and I think that is what it is - she just expects everyone to drop everything and do what she wants them to. Not sure if it is an entitlement thing. It is like she has tunnel vision and only sees herself and what she wants.

With it being such a small office I don't want to end up being seen as really mean and unreasonable. It is all getting a bit like the school playground!

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 11/11/2011 19:46

Well, that didn't go to well! She asked me for the loan in private and I said no then she asked me again in front of everyone and tried to guilt me into it. I said no and she just said I was a crap friend!!

Well done you. She will ask you on Monday as well, of course....

Bogeyface · 11/11/2011 19:56

What a charmer!

Well done for staying strong. I rather suspect that she will try again a couple of times to see if you can be brow beaten and then you will cease to exist as far as she is concerned.

Which is all to the good!

Oh perhaps next week you could arrange a phonecall at 11:30 from a friend which ends with you saying "Oh I would LOVE to meet you for lunch!"

Jacksmania · 11/11/2011 20:08

Shock I am so shocked at this.

I think if she ever has the nerve to hand you a list of things to order from anywhere, just say "Fine, but you'll have to pay me upfront for everything including shipping, I don't have that kind of room on my credit card and I can't wait ages for you to pay me back like last time."

Honestly, who cares about hurting this kind of a user's feelings? And I normally tiptoe around people's feelings... this is ridiculous.

NinjaChipmunk · 11/11/2011 20:12

This woman was never your friend. If she was she would not have tried to embarrass you into lending her money by asking in front of other people after she had already been given a no. Keep saying no. To ordering books, to going to lunch, to all of it. If it means you need to walk in a different direction at lunchtime then do it. She does not add anything good to your life, she is just looking to use up all your goodwill.
I am glad you have made the first few steps into distancing yourself. Now keep it up!

blobtobetter · 12/11/2011 08:42

Friday was quite calm - she had the afternoon off so lunch wasn't an issue!

I like the idea of thinking what would a Jane Austen heroine do. I was trying so hard to stay calm and not to make any nasty comments even though I was getting annoyed.

I just hate that I misjudged her and that I let myself get taken advantage of. I guess I am not a very good judge of character! I just thought that this sort of behaviour was the sort of thing she would be beyond. She is almost 20 years older than me but it all seems very teenage.

OP posts:
Jackstini · 12/11/2011 09:16

Well done Blob - she will be fuming because she knows she can't walk over you anymore Grin

Stay strong!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page