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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's not a big deal if I still live at home

65 replies

MilkNoSugarPlease · 05/11/2011 20:07

I'm 23, live in London (therefore bloody expensive) and still live at home

I work full time and pay £350pm rent....I realise I am VERY lucky with that amount! And have no problem paying it

If I moved out, I'd pay a fortune to rent a tiny flat, then have tons of bills etc....financially it makes sense to stay at home for a few more years

But I get so many comments from people telling me I should move out as its ridiculous me being at home

Should I be moving out?!

OP posts:

Trills · 05/11/2011 20:34

YANBU

I would hate it but if you and your parents are ok with the arrangement then it's a pretty sensible setup.

It is a little odd though to say "I buy all my own clothes/products" - well of course you do.

Original poster

MilkNoSugarPlease · 05/11/2011 20:35

I do wish MN had an edit button as that does sound stupid Trill :o

I meant it as a I don't financially rely on them for anything

OP posts:

EricNorthmansMistress · 05/11/2011 20:50

YANBU
moving out of home is normal for our culture but not others, just because 'we' tend to do it doesn't mean it's the only way to live.
My only caveat is that you should be saving super hard, and take advantage of the opportunity to save a deposit for a place if you can. If you are using all your excess income to buy handbags and shoes then you are being a bit silly...

Trills · 05/11/2011 20:52

As long as you make sure you are an asset to the household (doing chores, making dinner occasionally, being pleasant to be around) then why not house-share with your parents rather than randoms? :)

RandomMess · 05/11/2011 20:56

It's going to become the norm, you are a trend setter!

I reckon my dds will be crammed in here a long time after they are 18 - can't see how they will afford to move out.

Reckon we will get them to pay for us to rent a 1 bed retirement appartment and they can use the family home

carwash · 05/11/2011 21:03

I live in the south, was paying £500 rent per month plus gas, electric, tv, phone, ater etc for myself and ds. My mum was on her own paying a bit less but mortgaged and a bit lonely. Me and ds moved is just over a year ago and its great! We can afford a car each, pay exactly half for mortgage, cars etc. Do shopping one week each, petrol the other.

It is nice to have someone to chat to before and after work, also kind of divided housework without thinking about it. She does the ironing and car stuff, I do the cooking and cleaning.

I'm 34 which I am sure is frowned upon in the mn independance stakes. But its a bit like flatmates who like each other! Ds loves it too especially because all the family tends to congregate here and he is amongst it!

carwash · 05/11/2011 21:07

Forgot to put that my total outgoings for bils, rent, car shopping are approx £600. Was paying so much more with just ds and I in a house that was too big for two people. Can having heating and tumble dryer on without worrying now!!

BrikSchittHaus · 05/11/2011 21:08

YANBU - don't worry about it, I didn't move out until I was 24 - at that point I earned more than my mum and dad.

I used to get teased so much for still being at home, but I am more settled, financially stable, and closer to my mum and dad than any of my friends.

I count myself lucky that I come from a home where we were (and are) wanted in their home and our parents actively seek out our company.

My little sister moved back home after Uni as she couldn't afford to live out, and is loving it, is wanted and so has no need to leave until she is ready.

My mum would say, she hasn't stopped being my mum because I think I'm an adult now and her home is always going to be our home.

I'd enjoy it while it lasts and not be in such a hurry to spend every penny you earn on bills and housing.

RandomMess · 05/11/2011 21:40

If you have a good healthy relationship with your parents why not!!! It's the way is used to be until we became all nuclear families.

Courting couples used to you know have to save up to afford to move out when they got married!

flamingtoaster · 05/11/2011 21:49

Nothing wrong at all with living at home at 23. You have a good relationship with your parents which allows it to work, and you will be able to save for your future. Makes perfect sense.

OldGreyWassailTest · 05/11/2011 21:50

My son is 27, my brother 46 - they both live with me. What's the point of us all living separately and paying 3 lots of mortgage/rent when we are happy with our current arrangement? They are both independent, do their own thing, sometimes work away, and I am not lonely. Win win all round!

Towndon · 05/11/2011 21:52

YANBU. If it works for you that's fine. No-one else's business :)

grovel · 05/11/2011 22:07

It's fine (lovely,even) if you respect your parents right to a third life together. There was life without you. There was life with you as a dependent (and much loved) child. There should now be the chance for them of a life together with you as an independent spirit (still much loved).
If you don't compromise their chance to move on from being hands-on parents it's great.

TeWihara · 05/11/2011 22:11

As long as everyone gets on and no one is taking the piss I think it's fine.

...Though I more or lress ran away as fast as my little legs would take me, as soon as I went to Uni at 18, could NEVER live with my parents again, would go bloody mad!

Hope you are saving lots though DH and I are 24 and pay nearly 3 times your rent... bit of a bugger trying to save for a mortgage.

HitTheRoadJack · 05/11/2011 22:13

I don't think it's upto anyone else what you do.

At 23 I was married with my first child (she says wisely from the grand old age of 25).

However I left at 18 to move to university and just didn't ever move back. I won't be impressed if my children are still hanging around my neck at 23 tbh.

KittyFane · 05/11/2011 22:19

At 23 YADNBU to live at home. You sound respectful and mature so if everyone is happy, there's no problem!
Infact, I don't see anything wrong with sharing a home with parents, siblings, DC, relatives, friends... Why not? I would love to live with a big extended family. I think it's great way to live/ better than being poor and lonely.

quietlyafraid · 05/11/2011 22:28

If you are happy and your parents are happy, whats the problem? Nobody else's business. Sure it has its down sides, but make the most of the freedom it offers you. Just don't forget to take the opportunity to save for the future.

I boomeranged in and out of my parents, between uni and travelling, before finally living home for the third time age 28. It meant I could do things I would never be able to and be able to afford to put down a deposit on house. Had I moved out in early twenties, my life wouldn't be as good now.

Truffkin · 05/11/2011 22:42

I don't see the problem if it's working for all of you, maybe your friends are jealous that you can afford to save.

I moved out when I was 17 but went back for a short time when I was 24, newly single and had to be out of the way of my ex whilst we sold our house

I have friends who have moved back with their parents for financial reasons as adults (in one case, with her husband and 2 children!!) and it's worked for them. I could definitely not live with either of my parents or my in-laws now, we need our space! But if circumstances changed and it made sense spacially and financially in the future then who is anyone else to judge?

CailinDana · 05/11/2011 23:16

Ha! My sister is 30, has a decent job in an area where it is quite cheap to rent and will not move out, so YANBU at all given that you're only 23 and seem like a nice person that parents would be glad to have around. My sister, on the other hand, would be more useful if she was dipped in beer batter, deep fried and fed to goats.

sozzledchops · 05/11/2011 23:40

Depends where you live. Where I'm from it's quite normal for people to live at home unless you are setting up home with someone else and want your space and can split the costs, have a quite high paying job or fall pregnant young and get a council house much quicker than people who don't fall pregnant and declare themselves homeless or whatever. Most young people would struggle to get a mortgage and there aren't that many properties avail to rent if you can afford it. It's not seen as unusual at all from my home town.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 05/11/2011 23:49

YANBU

I knew loads of people in Londres when I lived there who still lived at home, similar age to you. Lawks.. even a cheap house share or studio would be min £450pcm plus bills.. well, that's what I used to pay for a place round the corner from you, and that was 8 years ago.

Save up, move when you want to.. as long as the parentals are happy with that plan :)

Cathycomehome · 05/11/2011 23:50

I only moved out when I was 22 because I had a baby - so I sort of left (to go to university) when I was 18, and then properly left as I had my son the August after I sat my finals - brilliant planning, I'm sure you'll agree .

However - I got a flat a twenty minute walk from my mum and dad's and had tea there about four nights a week, so it was sort of semi independence . I was so lucky, as my mum was so hands on with my son, and my parents and I are still very close now; also my son has a bedroom at my parents' house, although we live an hour away now. (When I went back to university when he was three, my parents had him 4 nights a week at their house whilst my partner and I completed our training - hard for me and his dad, but he loved it, and is VERY close to his maternal grandparents - rings my mum or dad almost every night for a chat).

I think, like others have said - if it works for you and your parents, it's a really positive thing.

iscream · 05/11/2011 23:55

If it works with your parents, and you are saving to buy a place, sounds ok to me. All households are different.

Firawla · 06/11/2011 00:01

If you are happy with it then of course it's fine. Rent prices are ridiculous these days and also you could end up with a nightmare of a landlord whilst still paying ridiculous prices so if you are happy with parents and they are happy with you, atleast you know you can trust living with your parents and you maybe have more security than renting, and hopefully can save up some money to move and buy then that will be so much better as you will never save it while renting (well unlikely..) so then you get stuck in that for ever!

InWithTheITCrowd · 06/11/2011 00:06

I shouldn't worry about it. My sister lives with mum and dad, and she's 23. She works, but doesn't pay a penny in board. She also gets her food bought for her, and shampoo etc. Her boyfriend is 25 and he lives with his parents. He works full time, earns about £25,000 and pays £20 a week!!!
I can't believe it of my parents, tbh, as I left home at 18 as they were charging me £35 a week (1991!)
My sis and her bf are going to struggle like crazy when they do move out- they have no concept of financial independence. You, op, otoh sound very sensible!

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