to emigrate in order to avoid ever having to face SIL again?

[BalloonTwister]

Background: SIL got married recently, and is itching to get us round to watch the video. I have already been subjected to seen it and DP is of the opinion he was there so why does he need to sit through a 2 hour video.

Fast forward to this afternoon. Had a lovely afternoon at MIL's, SIL was there, talk turned to DP's friends birthday on Monday. I said "I really don't fancy it..can't you wheel out the old excuse about it interfering with DD's routine?" I then turned to SIL (who has no children yet) and said "You'd be amazed at the boring shit I've managed to get out of with that one - she's fine having a night out of routine really but they don't need to know that". All jovial and smiley and consipiritorially with SIL at this point.

We left shortly after, and I did think SIL was a bit quiet, then, as we drove off DP informs me that he had, in fact, used this very excuse to get out of going round there tomorrow night for dinner and wedding video viewing yesterday and not told me

I am mortified, feel awful and genuinely don't know what to say to make it any better....any suggestions?

I've booked the flight, bought you a new suitcase and checked that your passport's up to date. I hope that Tasmania is far enough, those tickets cost me a ruddy fortune.

:o

Dogs you're a lifesaver. When am I off?

As soon as I can find DD/dog/cat/ferret care so I can come with you! :o

I neeeeed a break!

Ooh yes, that'd be nice. It'd be nice to have a bit of company if I'm moving that far from family. We could sit on the beach drinking cocktails and watching the sun go down. sighs wistfully

oh god, that's hillarious! Poor kid

At least she will stop trying to make people relive her princess day with her.

It's a bit sad that she wants to relive the wedding instead of enjoying the marriage though. Did she get married to be married, or to have Her Day.

With the best will in the world - she needs to move on.

It was a party. That's all. she needs to enjoy marriage. That's what matters.

Both, I think. She's been with her DH since she was 16. Neither has ever been out with anyone else, and they appear to be blissfully happy together, however the wedding took 3 years to plan (and you don't even want to KNOW how much they paid for it) and now as I said I think she feels a bit flat. I'm expecting baby news any day now. I just hope they don't video the birth!

3 years to plan a bloody party

Each to their own and all that, but I will never understand people who spend so much money on a party when that money could buy furniture, go into savings, go towards a deposit on your house, go towards the costs of having a baby!

It just makes no financial sense at all.

Nope, but DP's family are saunch Catholic's, and set great store by the look of things. They are still a bit shocked that DP and I aren't married and haven't had an enormous christening for DD. (We are saving for a house) I could put down at least a 25% deposit with what SIL spent on one day. (And just as an aside, who starts saving for their big dream wedding at 17???)

Someone who wants a wedding rather than a marriage, I suspect.

I hope it lasts. Reality never lives up to the fairy tale. If you married for the fairy tale, what you'll get will be Grimm...

I will never understand people. If I live to be a hundred, I will never understand.

Aha! oh dear for you.

Classic.:o

Oh dear, *Balloontwister. You have made me larf.

If Tassie doesn't suit you, I'll put you up in our guest room here in Melbourne.

I know but she is only 23!! would it kill you both? If you have enough to drink it will be easier.

I just hope they don't video the birth!
You know they will!
I saw a woman on some talk show once, she had a wedding version of PPD I think. She watched her wedding video day after day and was severely depressed now that the excitement was all over.
If you think she needs a boost, try and get her planning another event, start some kind of project/hobby or set some kind of goal. She may need to have something to be excited about now that her wedding is over.

She might feel a bit down about it now but when she thinks about it a bit she will realise that it is great. She now doesn't have to do all the boring stuff that she would have done just because you're family, like going to your kids' birthday parties, christenings etc etc. It's a get out of jail free card for her. She's only 23 and she's been liberated.

BalloonTwister that is hilarious. You have made my morning!

LOVE IT!!!!

This really made me laugh

Kitya, I did say further back that had she asked me I'd have gone, it was bloody DP, her own brother, that made the excuse in the first place.

And Complex, I really wish I thought she'd see it like that, but she won't, because she's a kind sort of girl, and would want to be there (She's driving 100 mile xmas morning to watch DD open her 1st christmas present).
Although its caused much hilarity on here, I do actually feel terrible that I've probably hurt her feeling quite badly.

That is so funny!!

Couldn't you just get in touch with SIL and tell her that you had no idea you'd been invited to watch the video again and you'd have been happy to see it...then offer the "You know what men are like...!" line?

Basically, blame your DP 100%, if he doesn't mind It's not as if he's able to dig himself out of the blame for this one anyway, since he declined the invitation without you knowing about it, but there's no reason why you should be feeling bad or have any bad feeling between you and SIL.

PMSL

Any chance you could convince her your DP didn't actually know it was an excuse - he'd heard you say it and thought it was actually the case? (would involve bringing it up again though, looking slightly obsessed and suspicious)

And Hecate, while I usually agree with every word you utter, I think that's a bit unfair. We had a wedding video (impromptu, filmed by a guest without our knowledge) and quite enjoyed watching it afterwards. I don't think it necessarily says anything about the state of your marriage.

I'm sorry, balloon. Of course you feel awful. She will no doubt be very hurt.

Do you think it would be better to actually talk about it? Not let it be the elephant in the room?

Things have so much more power if you don't talk them through. The last thing you want is for it to cause a rift between you.

You know, you could maybe rescue it by calling her and saying "I hear X pulled the old can't have the baby out of the routine scam on you. He's a pig, isn't he? Men just don't get it! I'd love to see the video. Why don't we have some wine and nibbles and settle down for a girlie night in?"

I know, I know. It's a lie, it's making your husband the scapegoat and it's vaguely sexist, but it might just rescue the situation a bit?

Good plan Hectate. Of course I'd have to change it to "I'd love to see the video again but you're right, better to rescue the situation. Don't seem quite fair that DP gets out of it again though when its all his bloody fault in the first place

Oh no. He has to pay.

Tell her you'd love a copy of it and make him watch it every day.

Oh dear. Norty DP not to tell you about the invitation - and his excuse to get out of it.

And, unfortunately, you've let the cat out of the bag with your ILs about your standard excuse. You're never going to be able to pull that one with them ever again.

I agree that DP has to pay - or at least shoulder the blame. I think Hecate has hit the nail on the head "Tell her you'd love a copy of it and make him watch it every day"

Any update op?