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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to buy my children new books/toys/clothes

62 replies

manicinsomniac · 04/11/2011 12:58

Okay, I'm not saying I never ever buy them but it's rare.

My children have enough books to fill a library, loads of toys and loads of clothes - but they come almost exclusively from charity shops, car boot sales and ebay.

I'm a single mum, only a teacher and my children are only 8 and 4. They don't care whether something is new or not. They love shopping wit me at charity shops etc and I think we get some amazing bargains.

But I mentioned a fantastic fairy tales book I've bought for my younger daughter for Christmas (from a charity shop) to a friend this morning and she was shocked that I "don't buy those poor kids anything decent" It's a lovely book! Barely read!

I know that when they are teens they'll be hankering after this, that and the other but at the moment they love what they get.

AIBU to this this is not such a bad life?

(btw, most of my clothes and books are from similar sources, I'm not THAT mean!)

OP posts:
StaceymAloneForver · 04/11/2011 13:01

nopt no U at all, my kids get a lot of charity stuff especially books.

Don't worry about it!

LeoTheLateBloomer · 04/11/2011 13:04

YANBU. I never buy DD anything new (apart from Christmas and Birthday). Everything comes from charity shops or from the sales page in the local paper. Admittedly at 18mo she doesn't know any different, but she'll grow up with it and will no doubt accept that that is the way it is.

headfairy · 04/11/2011 13:04

You're not being unreasonable at all. Apart from anything our consumption in this country is shocking... why on earth would you buy a book new when you can buy one that is almost perfect from a shop for much less, add less to landfills etc and benefit a charity. What's not to love? I buy loads of the dc's toys from charity shops and give any he doesn't use any more to charity shops.

BTW, you're not only a teacher... You're super important :)

ChunkyPickle · 04/11/2011 13:05

Definitely not - mine has a mix, but some of his favourites have been charity/bootfair bargains.

Given the choice, would your child prefer one new toy, or 3 or four charity shop ones? I think I know which I would generally have chosen!

starsintheireyes · 04/11/2011 13:06

I would say 75% of my childrens clothes, toys etc are from cboots/charity shops, I only ever buy things that are in really good condition.
People are snobs, whose the idiot? one who chooses to buy things at a fraction of the price they originally were or someone who'll only buy new?
Getting things at charity shops/cboots means I have cash to spend on other things, trips out with the kids etc
Id rather buy an entire wardrobe for dc at cboot for say £8-10, than one outfit in the shops for £10!!
Ignore her and feel smug that you are the savvy one!

Foxranawaywithhisshoes · 04/11/2011 13:07

Some people who appear otherwise quite normal are really weird about second-hand stuff.
I agree with you, the children don't care and they end up with loads more stuff than they would otherwise.
Tell your friend not to be so soft.

grumplestilskin · 04/11/2011 13:08

your friend obviously has her own issues/downfalls if you cant mention a lovely book without her spitting venom at you

my DS is mostly kitted out in charity shop/ebay/boot sale too, but I am very good at it and people regularly comment on how smart he looks Wink

CreamolaFoamless · 04/11/2011 13:09

books definately , charity shops, jumble sales, car boots.

I have got my dc's some cracking books from there. Mainly fairytale books

I used to like charity shops and would have no problem with wearing 2nd hand (vintage) but I've found that it is usually cheaper to buy new from a supermarket.

Perhaps I just have 'expensive' charity shops near me

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 04/11/2011 13:13

phew, thanks for the reassurances. I didn't want to be 'that mean mummy!' :D

OP posts:
LorelaisMommy · 04/11/2011 13:15

My MIL works purely to spoil my DD's. Her words, not mine. They get stuff from M&S and Next that I simply cannot afford to waste spend money on. 90% of the stuff they get from us is from charity shops/car boot sales. Why would I spend £8 on a Peppa Pig jigsaw from Argos that will get broken at some point when I can pick it up for 50p from the car boot and I don't have to stress as much? Managed to get DD1 three Monsoon tops from a charity shop for 50p each the other day!!! Quality bargain!!

SausageSmuggler · 04/11/2011 13:16

Not at all, especially as most things can be bought second hand in pristine condition.

It does make me a bit sad that you say you're 'only' a teacher though you do a fab job it's just a shame that the pay isn't relative :(

Scholes34 · 04/11/2011 13:16

Bought a lovely dress for a posh wedding in New York for £2 from a charity shop, whilst staying with a friend. Turned out that my friend had taken the dress to the shop the previous day, and she in turn had bought it for £10 from a car boot sale a year or so before for a wedding she'd been to.

We used to have the most wonderful jumble sales at school, but there are now never enough people to help organise them and the school offers no storage in the week running up to the events, which adds to logistical problems.

There is no point in spending more money than you need to, so YANBU to buy second hand. There will come a point where it isn't so easy to do so, so why waste your money now. Save it for when it's really needed.

notso · 04/11/2011 13:18

YANBU I am jealous though, apart from baby clothes I have never managed to do very well from charity shops or boot sales. I think the people round here are too poor to donate or sell any decent stuff.
I have had a few thing from Ebay but also have had some filthy tat listed as nearly new.
I have to contribute by selling rather than buying.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 04/11/2011 13:25

on the 'only a teacher' comment, I really didn't mean to devalue my profession at all, I adore it, would never want to do anything else, have no issues with my salary really and of course think it's important - I just meant to make it clear that I'm hardly a millionaire!

And yes, I live in Buckinghamshire, so lots of posh charity shops here!

OP posts:
jenduck · 04/11/2011 13:26

You have just prompted me to make my first post on AIBU!

YADNBU - and your friend may come to think the same way when you take your LOs on a nice holiday with the savings you have made, or when you benefit from them in any other way!

I buy almost all my DS' things from car boot/charity shop, and am given a whole lot more stuff by lovely friends & family, and I often get compliments on how they look in their beautiful clothes or what lovely toys they have. DS1 & DS2 are also both more than happy with what they have & wouldn't have a lot of it if we' d restricted ourselves to buying new.

Also would just like to reiterate what a couple of other posters have said - you are not 'only' a teacher, you are a very influential figure to a lot of young people, and an LP to boot so good on you!

amibeingabadmumtobe · 04/11/2011 13:28

YANBU. It's great when they're little. Although once they get to be teenagers unfortunately they won't be seen dead in charity shops/ wearing stuff from them - what they don't know doesn't hurt them though, 13 yr old has several items of clothing from Next, Boden etc that came from a charity shop! I get so much good stuff from the charity shops in my area.

readinginamazement · 04/11/2011 13:32

One of the things that I really regret is that I have wasted so much money on things that I do not need. I am currently in the process of selling many items we are not using and very pleased at how much money I am recuperating!

I think you are doing the right thing and I admire you. Kids don't need loads of stuff and new things. You are being wise and don't let anyone else tell you anything different. Save your money for when it really matters!

readinginamazement · 04/11/2011 13:36

I agree that people are weird about 2nd hand stuff. I know quite a lot of people on low incomes who insist on buying their kids designer gear. I think it's madness.

My kids do not give 2 hoots where their clothes come from or what they are wearing!

exoticfruits · 04/11/2011 13:46

YANBU. People are very weird about it.Make the most of second hand clothes while they are small. A baby doesn't care what it wears and the clothes are hardly worn. NCT sales were wonderful for it. I still get books from car boot sales etc.
Anyone on a low income buying designer gear is nuts! (at least get designer gear second hand).

AnotherEmptyNest · 04/11/2011 15:04

When I was a SAHM, my clothes were from second hand shops or jumble sales and my DCs have been brought up similarly. They are not short of a bob or two now though and nor am I. I like to buy my GCs lovely things eg books and yes, as some posters have said, there are some superb examples in charity shops. Sometimes I can get a beautiful £25 (says so inside) book for £2. There would also be things like microscopes and my late DH came home one day with an organ (like an upright piano) which he'd bought for £10 and it worked.

BelleEnd · 04/11/2011 15:08

YANBU! I have bought my children's Christmas presents from charity shops. The youngest is two so he doesn't really get it, but the eldest is 6 and recognizes that things have been played with before. You see, Father Christmas is a David Attenborough type, and he is very much into recycling. :)

muttimalzwei · 04/11/2011 15:13

Does anyone know why people are weird about it? I just cannot fathom it at all. Was at a church group yesterday and the vicar's wife had brought 5 bags of her kids old clothes. Mainly gap, M and S. I was the main one rooting through. She was trying to get rid of a couple of beautiful quality dresses to a mum with a newborn girl who did not want to know at all.

bigbabushkas · 04/11/2011 15:29

YANBU before I had ds1 I insisted I did not want any charity cast offs that my well to do mother and auntie have always insisted on gifting the family, they trawl round charity shops as a hobby.....now his favourite toys and books are from charity shops and he enjoys them more than some of the crap from John Lewis I have bought him!

And I am now a convert, was looking at a few books in Waterstone's 3 for 2, couldn't justify the price, and bought each one in the local charity shop for 50p.

bigbabushkas · 04/11/2011 15:32

Meant to add, I am a big believer that as I have got older I believe books are more attractive with age and the amount they have been read...degree in publishing!

Sossiges · 04/11/2011 15:33

YANBU! Nearly all my DD's things are secondhand, except presents (from others), I get loads off ebay & get much nicer things than I could afford to buy new. The charity shops round here are very expensive though (Monsoon tops for 50p Envy Shock)