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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to buy my children new books/toys/clothes

62 replies

manicinsomniac · 04/11/2011 12:58

Okay, I'm not saying I never ever buy them but it's rare.

My children have enough books to fill a library, loads of toys and loads of clothes - but they come almost exclusively from charity shops, car boot sales and ebay.

I'm a single mum, only a teacher and my children are only 8 and 4. They don't care whether something is new or not. They love shopping wit me at charity shops etc and I think we get some amazing bargains.

But I mentioned a fantastic fairy tales book I've bought for my younger daughter for Christmas (from a charity shop) to a friend this morning and she was shocked that I "don't buy those poor kids anything decent" It's a lovely book! Barely read!

I know that when they are teens they'll be hankering after this, that and the other but at the moment they love what they get.

AIBU to this this is not such a bad life?

(btw, most of my clothes and books are from similar sources, I'm not THAT mean!)

OP posts:

Abcinthia · 04/11/2011 15:34

YANBU I really cannot understand why people are weird about it.

trixymalixy · 04/11/2011 15:36

YANBU! I can afford to buy new, but choose to mostly buy from eBay, you can get some fantastic stuff that has been hardly used.

redpanda13 · 04/11/2011 15:38

I got some marvellous 2nd hand bargains when DD was a baby. Really pricey makes like Catimini and Jottum that I would never have afforded or paid the money for new. She also wore a lot of hand me downs from her cousin. I remember the HV's at the baby clinic being really excited about what she would come in wearing next. They said she was the best dressed child they had ever seen. I lived in the affluent West End of Glasgow at that time. I sold them all again easily when she outgrew them.
I love charity shops and ebay for books. DD is only 5 and there is already a huge collection of books for older children waiting for her. I just could not resist a bargain especially if book was one I had as a child. Even better if it is the same edition I had
I too love vintage clothes. Using this as an incentive to lose weight as most are in much smaller sizes than I presently wear.
YANBU!

BettyCash · 04/11/2011 15:49

YANBU! This was how I was brought up.

BootyMum · 04/11/2011 15:54

YADNBU!

My DC are also almost exclusively dressed in a mixture of charity shop, ebay, hand-me-downs, TK Maxx... you get the picture.

And I myself only shop in the same places.

You can get such bargains.

Also have a huge collection of lovely charity shop books, some which look brand new, and all purchased for between 50p for a small book and £1 - £2 for a large hardcover.

I actually have bought some of this year's Christmas presents in the charity shop, some toys that looked practically brand new and were only £1 each!

But even I am jealous at Monsoon tops at 50p. My local charity shop would charge £1.50 - £2 for it [still cheap enough though if you love it and can use it!]

somewherewest · 04/11/2011 16:00

If you and your children are happy why worry about what other people think? I'm a bit funny about second hand things, a trait which I've inherited from my grandparents (who brought me up). In their case it was rooted in the kind of working class pride which hates being seen as 'poor' and will go without to give children shiney new books and clothes. I can relate to the pride thing, but I realise its not entirely rational in 2011. I don't expect other people to have my hang ups though.

somewherewest · 04/11/2011 16:01

PS I would be a little offended if someone got me second hand present though. Again this probably isn't rational...

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 04/11/2011 16:03

Of course YANBU. What business of hers is it where you buy things for your kids from. Plus you're being environmentally friendly too!

Dawndonna · 04/11/2011 16:05

We get a lot of stuff from charity shops.
Also use these two:

www.kidscloset.co.uk/p0/13-16-years/319.htm

www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/

I've had some absolutely gorgeous and very cheap stuff from the first one over the years, and books etc from Oxfam.

duckdodgers · 04/11/2011 16:15

No YANBU!

My DS whos 9 loves coming to charity shops with me, even if Ive only got a spare pound he picks himself up something new and loves it.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 04/11/2011 16:44

I love browsing charity shops (have 4 or 5 just a few minutes' walk away) and constantly find bargains in them. I recently bought DS a shirt and jumper for winter for £1.25 each, and also bought a beautiful Disney princesses hardback book for my friend's daughter for Xmas which is pristine and was only £1 (am also adding a few other bits to it for her present, in case you're wondering ). One of my favourite summer skirts cost around £3 (originally from Next) and I've worn it regularly since I bought it a couple of years ago. I've certainly had my money's worth from that! Have also picked up toys for DS for just a few £s.

You have to look carefully as they can tend to be full of old people's clothes, but when I see something I like I have a trick of looking at the clothing labels to see how worn they look as the labels fade with repeated washing - often they look new. So all you need to do is find a bargain, put it through the washing machine and it's as good as if you bought it new yourself.

If I'm buying new I tend to buy from supermarkets and Primark (and sometimes other shops if there's a sale on). Just can't afford any expensive clothes so that's the way it is, but even if I won the lottery I'd still browse charity shops because it's the thrill of finding a bargain that I love .

HitTheRoadJack · 04/11/2011 16:46

I go to certain areas specifically for charity shops...and almost everything comes from Ebay, merely because;

a) Jeans are better worn in
b) Books are better pre-read
c) Baby clothes are softer when washed and ironed
d) You can get things which aren't available anymore

ouryve · 04/11/2011 16:57

It's rare that I find decent 2nd hand clothes for the boys. I buy (and beg) lots of 2nd hand books for them, though. It's rare that I buy anything full price for them and the good thing with 2 boys is lots of handmedowns (well anything that's survived DS1, that is!)

ouryve · 04/11/2011 17:04

DS1 has a huge box of lego handed down from his cousin, by the way, but it was originally just bricks. We found a stall selling bags of lego odds and ends at a car boot sale. They needed a wash, but now he can build all sorts with his giant which cost us about £7 in total! (He still spends his pocket money on Lego City, though, but even that we usually persuade him to buy on sale!)

wonkylegs · 04/11/2011 17:10

Not unreasonable at all my DS has a complete mix of new and used clothes/books/toys
Some of his best stuff is from charity shops - when he was a baby he had the most gorgeous wool coat that was obviously an unwanted and ridiculouslyexpensive present which I picked up in the local charity shop, no way would I have bought him it new.
He has loads of great puzzles from there too. Clothes are getting harder to find as he gets bigger but I think that's because little boys destroy them

spendthrift · 04/11/2011 17:17

YANBU; the point that they really want new, esp school uniform, will come soon enough. But even then there is hope; our DS is adept at buying and selling his games at eg GAME, and found a great hoodie in a charity shop, which all his peers have envied.

On the other hand, those who work with eg destitute teenagers say that new is very important to their self esteem.

mizu · 04/11/2011 17:18

I am 'only' a teacher too and LOVE charity shops. Lots round here and lovely area so always get a bargain. Have two dds 7 and 5 and they love shopping in them too. I would say 80% of their books are from one charity book shop that we go to a lot. Clothes too.

And my best friend only commented the other day about how nicely dressed my dds always are.
My mum did say once though when I said she didn't have to buy a certain new top for one of them, 'well they have to have something decent Mizu'

tobyrat · 04/11/2011 17:20

Do you think that your friend meant that she thought the fairytale book was "not decent" rather than the fact it was 2nd hand? Either way she was a bit rude!

anonymousbird · 04/11/2011 17:26

Most of the things i get for my DC are second hand/ebay/whatever.

Part of it is a money thing, depends if it is a tight month or not, but not completely. People always seem to massively overbuy for their children and I just hate the waste and don't see the point in shelling out full whack for stuff you can get at half the price which is often untouched. Even if it is has been used, as long as it is in good condition then so what?

YASONBU. With you all the way.

CopperLocs · 04/11/2011 17:57

YANBU. Your kids are happy so where is the problem? Your friend however, was completely out of line.

harrietlichman · 04/11/2011 19:24

Yanbu - I am obsesssed with charity shops and buy clothes, homeware, books etc from there every chance I get. My kids love them too, I find people who look down on them odd, tbh.

tillyfernackerpants · 04/11/2011 19:47

YADNBU, I do the same. In fact, I bought ds1 a winter coat from a charity shop when he was 3, he wore it for 2 winters and now ds2 is into his 2nd winter of wearing it. And its still in really good condition!!

I pretty much get all of our books (mine included) from charity shops or 2nd hand websites, its just not worth buying them new. The only thing I struggle with are toys, there just doesn't seem to be many charity shops that have decent toys near me!

TestAnswers · 04/11/2011 19:50

YANBU

'A fool and his money' and 'buy used and save the difference' are two of my favourite things to think .

JarethTheGoblinKing · 04/11/2011 19:51

DS has second hand stuff for his birthday and Christmas. Don't know why it's taken me 4 years to realise that he doesn't care if it's second hand. In fact, he probably prefers used stuff as he tends to get much more!

YankNCock · 04/11/2011 19:57

YADNBU. If it's not hand-me-downs or ebay or NCT sales or car boot sales or charity shops, it's probably come from my mother (who gets ridiculous bargains on new things out of season and send them over). DS's grandparents get him new toys that we'd never be able to afford new. We're on a debt management plan and can't afford new things all the time, but DS is definitely not lacking in toys/books/clothes.

My friend who is in a similar situation phoned me up one day to say she was in a charity shop and spotted a load of Brio trains and tracks, and did I want her to grab it? She gets loads of great stuff for her DD at charity shops all the time.

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